Need advice. Straight Married Man Consistantly Thinking About Being With Men

[princealbertofb]

Honestly it comes from when I was abused as a child. I blocked it out and seriously forgot about it. Then I ran in to that guy (also my age) and all I can think about is giving blowjobs. I was about 8 when he gave me toys a bike and some video games to try something from a movie. Idk if I liked it but it happened about 2-3 times per wee for about a month. Then he moved away.

Not to sound like a head case but that's the background.

It sounds like a counselling job would be good, as you have not evacuated that childhood experience yet... Does your wife know about this?

The thing is, did those acts actually constitute something that was part of your psyche and the hardwired sexual orientation? Did that guy pick up on that and just use it, or was it real abuse? Ok, it may have happened at far too early an age, but if he was your age, it could have been just mutual curiosity. I blame his parents for letting him watch movies that had unsuitable scenes. Maybe it was porn, maybe just a film with adult themes, which were then not discussed with him by his parents. Did he sneak his peek at this?

The fact that you can't get it out of your head means that it's becoming a bit of an obsession and you need it to come out. Talk. Talk about it to someone. A shrink... your wife, a best friend, a spiritual leader? ... If you're getting the impression that you're missing something now, maybe you are bisexual or gay. It seems to me that you've answered your own question, somehow, as to why you are having these thoughts. They come from a real life situation that should maybe not have happened at a time when you didn't understand them. Those incidents may also lead to the fact that you were always wired that way? Are you finding it hard to be in a relationship with a woman?

Are you referring to the fact that you did these acts two or three times a week for a month as abuse? Because it sounds like, if it had been only curiosity, doing it just once would have sufficed at the age of 8. Were you coerced in performing these acts with such regularity by the gift of toys?

If you wish to tell us the details, that's fine too. It may be all you need to pick up the courage to confront your wife, or someone else, with this information.

Good luck.

[princealbertofb]

I am curious...you say you were "abused" but also say he is the same age and you liked it. Did he force you to do it? The reason I ask...it is normal for kids who are the same age to experiment with each other and usually has little to do with one's orientation.

No, he said: I don't know if I liked it, but abbreviated I don't know to idk....
That shows ambivalence, and case not rested yet.

[East]

No, he said: I don't know if I liked it, but abbreviated I don't know to idk....
That shows ambivalence, and case not rested yet.

Thanks PA...I see that now...I didn't really get the idk reference right away...

I was a bit confused about the age thing though...does 'same age" mean maybe we are both adults now so in a sense we are the 'same age" or does it literally mean "same age"? I am confused as well if the guy was the same age how he was able to provide elaborate gifts?

The reason i ask before I proceed was IF it was two kids of the same age it is an entirely different situation versus an adult and a kid which is much different...one I would classify as abuse and the other not.

[princealbertofb]

East, from what I understood, they were both about 8 when they tried this stuff out... The other kid coerced him with toys (maybe from a richer family) to perform gay sex acts with him and it went on for about a month... two or three times a week... which means about 8 to 12 times. So unless he was coerced into it, it sounds like more than curiosity... maybe it was abuse, maybe it was nothing at all, just life's experiences, since it didn't seem to bring any pleasure... but then how could it at such an age where fellatio doesn't make much sense? (not saying it can't be pleasurable at that age, just that it won't make much more sense than just imitating adult behaviour).
What I'llTryThat didn't explain was whether there were other gay sexual acts that they tried out.