Dad Disowning His Gay Son

[Richy]

That's you dear. There are always consequences and results in every decision you take in life. Sooner or later believe me, he will try to re-open windows to re-cooperate with you in order to understand it.
We as gays and bisexuals think that if we were STRAIGHT parents, we were going to accept our kids' sexual orientations if thy decided to confess for us, but believe me not. We think this way coz we live in the 180degrees opposite situation. Give him time, i'm not denying that his letter was horrible, terrible, and unresponsible, but he'a shocked especially hearing an important new via phone call from his son.

Best Luck bro.

Richard From Lebanon

[East]

Sooner or later believe me, he will try to re-open windows to re-cooperate with you in order to understand it.

I am sorry to tell you that this is definitely NOT the case in many situations.

I remember when I divorced my parents...the crap other people put on me and how they project their own "ideas" of what "family" means...it is insane. Dogma is not on everyone's menu nor should it be.

Life is not always a Hallmark Movie and this man's letter was not a Hallmark moment.

[dfiant]

Alienation tends to be a long time, more often than not forever.

I disowned my father 23 years ago because of what his gambling and alcoholism did to our family but I never stopped any contact. He has always known where my brother and I live, I have not changed my mobile phone number in almost 20 years ( yes he has it) and the only time he has contacted me was the day before I left Australia to live in Japan when he was diagnosed with kidney cancer and needed a career after his surgery, and that was the only time in 23 years I have heard from him and I live my life as if he doesn't exist.


If he rings to apologize or attempt to tie loose ends... Great, I hope it gives him peace, but he will always be alienated, a weak man never changes.


As for me I feel fantastic with the knowledge that I have forgiven him for all he has done, but he hasn't earned the right to know I have forgiven him.


This man that wrote that horrible letter deserves the same treatment, but I understand not everyone thinks like I do, but an awful lot of people would.


Forgiveness does happen but windows reopening and cooperation happen is a rarer event.

[East]

As for me I feel fantastic with the knowledge that I have forgiven him for all he has done, but he hasn't earned the right to know I have forgiven him.

That is THE key....

[princealbertofb]

I think I wrote somewhere that he will maybe live to regret this letter some day, because even if they eventually patch up, he'll have shown this very dark side (or frailty) to his son, and nothing will ever erase that stain or blemish. I think the son now realises it's time for him to move on.

[Hardwilly69]

Your former father only loves himself. He should have left the last sentence off. That was a blatant lie. If he doesn't want you why say that?

[Richy]

Hey again. I won't be quoting anyone in this post, bcoz ev1 has the right to launch and comment with his personal opinion. I do live in Lebanon, a very open-minded society yet but not toward homosexuality. I'm not out and every person who knows about my sexual orientation is gay as well.

Back to above case, I've mentioned you the mentality of the society I live in to reach a point telling you that almost all my gay friends who freely decided to confess have faced problems and conflicts @first. As i said and i repeat sooner or later parents will analyse, interpret, and realize that their kids need their help and then it all get reconstructured again by a phone call or a sudden visit.

Again that's how it goes here in Lebanon, I'm not generalizing, because as for here and mostly in the arab world relationship with parents kinda lacks independency.

I can finally just say that even if my parents decided to disown me in which i doubt, I'll eternally keep thinking that They are the only 2persons who love me for Real & for Free!!

Always remember that parents aren't homosexuals and they donno that we were Born This Way and they lack information regarding this field and in case they disown for a segment of time because one of their lifetime dreams is to see your kids one day!!

All the above is a personal opinion. It wasn't written to tease or re-correct any other opinion. You might have said after reading what i wrote that 'it's just poetry' but I Live & Think This Way!!

[bryandurel]

Everytime I think my family is dysfunctional, Luddites ensure this isnt the case. I feel so bad for both.

[ManicReptile21]

I recently read this letter somewhere else. I'm not fully out yet, but when I am; If this is the reponse I get from anyone in my family- well I'm already ready for it. Bring it on bitches. Lol

[Blue]

Hey Pell, for me it was 23 years ago, but My parents disowned me, went so far as to ask me to legally change my surname which, after all foe crap they put me through, I did.

The only reason they can raise you and not know is because they don't want to see it, refuse to admit to themselves that you are not the boy they thought they were raising.

Yes it hurts terribly and, it's one of the hardest pills you will ever have to swallow in life. but it is does not have to devastate you entirely. Get through this, get your head back on straight and smile proudly when you say "I am a complete man in and of myself, I do not need anyone. I will chose whom I want in my life."

It took me a while but, I made it and, trust me on this, family does not have to be blood. Any old sperm donor and egg producer can be a father and a mother, that sure doesn't make them a Dad and a Mom. I have a great family now, people I "adopted" or who "adopted" me because we love each other as family, and treat each other like family. So we aren't blood, or even legally related in any way, we are still family.

((Family hug)) you look like you need one