Need some advice

[angiemari]

Ok so I'm bisexual and there are not a lot of people who know about it. My husband for one is one of them. I guess that when I was younger because my husband was the one I wanted to be with I beer felt the need to express that I was. I know I knew it back then I didn't deny it I knew I had feelings for girls heck there was a girl I would always flirt with and she flirted back but then I found out she had a girlfriend and it hurt a little bit. But anyways lately it's been bothering me that I haven't let that side out. I've recently just told a good friend of mine who I knew would be ok with it and my niece has known for a couple years. My marriage has been very rocky these last few years. Actaually for about 7-8 years he was an alcoholic an has anger issues and was verbally abusive. For years I just let things go pretending things were good. I gained a ton of weight and then 4 years ago i had gastric bypass surgery. Losing that weight helped with my self consciousness and helped me take a stand and kick him out cause he wasn't shaping up. He's been working on it we almost did get a divorce but I decided to give it another chance. It was good at first and then all of a sudden it's like little things are coming back. His anger looks like its starting again, and he's always getting upset when I go out and he's def not helping me with my keeping the weight off I feel like he wants me to be that fat depressed wife that won't go anywhere. He's also jealous of my niece we are super close and got even closer when she told me she was gay and I her I was bi he constantly says its weird and I know he's jealous of her he's even jealous of one of my cats. I know my situation will get worse if I tell him I'm bi. But part of me really wants to tell him I feel like I need to let myself be free. I feel like if I tell him that he will say that I'm not bi I'm gay and that's why he feels like I'm not attracted to him and he will leave and honestly I'm not sure if that's what I want. Part of me wants my husband back the man he was but them part of me is so unhappy and scared bc I have no car no job and no means to get a car at this point and I'm afraid to be on my own. I know I've rambles but it's been dying to come out of me for so long.

[Rainbowmum]

Hi angiemari,
I am so very sorry that things got so bad that it effected your health.
If you had not gotten the surgery , things may have been worse.

Staying with your abusive husband, because you are too scared to make it on your own, is not the way to go, as a matter of fact it can be extremely dangerous.

Emotional abuse leaves a much deeper scar then physical abuse.
You need to get in contact with your local women's crisis center , you have been abused and need help to get your self-esteem and confidence back.

Don't fool yourself woman , you are in an abusive relationship , just because he has not laid a hand on you , does not mean it's not abusive.
He is trying to isolate you and take away anything that may give you comfort.

I have been where you are , and can tell you , there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Reach out and please contact your local crisis center and get help.

We are all here for you.

[angiemari]

Thanks I will look into it it's just a scary thing when I feel like how am going to do this. I have 4 kids and I don't want to lose them and I'm scared of not finding a job that will support us there have been some good times but it never stays that way and I really think it comes down to the sex for him. Like ok I have been having a small health issue and I know I have to see a dr but getting myself there has not happened but Indont really want to have sex bc of this issue. But there were two days where I Put it aside to smooth things over those two days he was like I feel good about the relationship and your doing good with the affection I'm so happy and blah blah. Well he third day my issue flared up and has been bothering me since and I haven't had sex with him and that fourth day where it was only 1 day we hadn't had sex he's all I don't know if this is gonna work are we gonna be ok I feel like your not attracted to me I feel like your distant and im like what? I haven't acted any different. And then he swears its not about the sex but that was the only thing I did different it's that instopped having sex and honestly I don't even want to. I'm starting to not even enjoy kissing him bc I'm so upset and frustrated and mad bc I know a lot of it is I'm not having sex. And a part of me feels like I put off the dr for that excuse

[Rainbowmum]

What he is doing is called emotional blackmail.
I know how scary it is to leave when you have children ,there is help out there and he will have to support you and the children.

Ask yourself , is this how you want your sons to treat a woman ; is this how you want your daughters to view a loving relationship?
Putting your health aside for the sake of sex and keeping him happy?

Woman you have four children that need you, and they need you healthy.
Look after yourself first , your health your mental state should be number one with you .
Never put yourself last , you have a family that depend on you.

Please , please, please get some help with this, they may even be able to help him, if you decoded to give it one more go.

[ceez]

I would start thinking of a backup plan if that doesn't work out. do you have family you could stay with if you broke it off? or would you be able to work on a degree so it would be easier to find a good job?

[angiemari]

I was thinking of going back to school if i cant get grants I gonna have to see the if I could afford that because I want to be able to support us and not have to worry too much. I can't really stay with family I know they will be supportive but there's just no room for all of us. I think what gets me the most is I feel like I'm do far off from being in a place where I could leave him if I decided too the car we have Is def his car his parents paid it off and I really feel stranded without a car. If I leave or have him leave I have no way to get the kids where they need to go,or the grocery store and I think that it scares me the most because if I don't want to stay with him then how long to I have to stay before I can go

[dfiant]

Dump the arseholes arse... I have zero tolerance for abuse of any time and it really pisses me off that people choose to stay or go back to the relationships.

You are being abused and blackmailed to hell, when you can just turn in the opposite direction and walk to nirvana without that arsehole.

You are worth so much more than that

[dfiant]

DO IT FOR YOUR KIDS.

That don't need to see that and end up growing up to repeat your husbands mistakes. Get out now so violence isn't ingrained and accepted in your childrens lives.

[angiemari]

Thank you. I'm gonna look up some crisis centers or something like that and see what I can do. I hate feeling stuck and honestly sometimes the thought of needing to wait til I get on my own feet scares me because I see that being very hard with him around.

[dfiant]

Thank you. I'm gonna look up some crisis centers or something like that and see what I can do. I hate feeling stuck and honestly sometimes the thought of needing to wait til I get on my own feet scares me because I see that being very hard with him around.

The feeling of moving on and doing the right thing for your children will far outweight the fears of getting back on your feet and the thoughts of being nears him.

Once you realise your are doing it for the better of your kids you WILL land on your feet.

Go for the better life