Think my guy is playing games on me -- need input

[adidas141]

I have this guy that I have been involved with for a while. We at first had a really good relationship but there was this one guy that came into the picture that he was friends with a long time ago. He came back to the area and it wound up being that he would spend more time with him.

He told me that this guy and he are just friends and that he only loves me. But, whenever I am with him he doesn't show the same attention as he does to this other guy. He will tell his other friends "that's my boy," but he never mentions that about me or shows the same kind of importance as he does this other guy. We have talked about it and he says that "Yes, he's my boy, and I love him to death." Why would he make comments to others and to me like that, but he never gives the same kind of importance to me?

He is also one of those guys that doesn't want to tell others about our relationship. I don't even know if you could really call it a relationship. He has admitted that he's bisexual but it took quite a long while for him to admit to it. But in doing so he says that yes he's bisexual, but that the only reason why he is because he's with me and if he didn't have me than he wouldn't be that way. He has gone back and forth on it. It doesn't make sense that he says that he's bisexual but that he wouldn't do anything with another guy.

He has also indicated that he has always wanted to do something with a girl him and another guy. He mentions this long ago friend about doing stuff like I guess they call it a threesome. He never mentioned me in it and so it sounds very obvious that he's into this guy as I have previously stated.

Also, he talks about gay stuff a lot and will mention that he gets it from his other friends. I recently was looking at some of his friends on Facebook and it turns out that he has become friands with a couple guys that are gay. He likes Zac Efron and will mention him quite a bit. Anyhow the strange thing is that just a short time ago this guy who became friends with him has on his profile a pic of Zac Efron. This guy that I have been involved with knows that I am a fan of Chippendales, and Playgirl. This guy on his profile has all of that added too. The guy I have been involved with is on his middle 20's. This guy that he became friends with on Facebook is in his 20's. But, he also has a guy that he became friends with on there that is an older guy like in his 50's. I know that these people wouldn't just randomly send a request as they would have to know him somehow.

My question is this: Is it possible for a guy to have so many relationships with so many people (guys) that he lives a secret life and he acts like he loves so many people but he can't just be with one person? He has been involved with girls but none of them go well and he has one on the side right now but he always says in all of these relationship including mine that nothing is committed. The issue is that I have always been honest with him about who I have been involved with and if I were to do something with another guy besides him. But when it comes to him he doesn't seem to be forthcoming about it. One time he and this guy friend I was talking about earlier had talked about doing a threesome. His guy friend brought a girl up. The only way I found out about it was that the guy friend said something about it. I had asked him prior if anything was going on and he said no. I asked him later on why he didn't tell me the truth and he said it was because I didn't ask him directly. That to me is being deceitful.

I am hurt and I am trying to make sense of all of this. He also keeps saying this phrase, "I am going to shoot," all the time meaning in a sexual way. He said he heard it from a guy. He randomly says this quite a bit. One last thing, he recently got a tatoo with a number. The number of the tatoo is "13." I asked him why he got that for a tatoo and he said it is because it is how bid he is as far as his dick. What do you make of that comment?

I don't want to be played with and need to get some input from others and my instinct is telling me that there's more going on than he is saying, and that he is probably involved with a lot of guys, but if that's the case how does one go about being able to live that kind of life? Has anyone else had a guy that had any of these similar behaviours? Thank you. I really need to know what to make of all of it and look forward to your responses.

[BobInTampa]

Well, this sounds like a clear case of how a young man deals with denial! You say you've been in a relationship for 8 years, and i'm guessing you 2 don't live together right? YOU have created, in your mind, a reality that you and he are a couple - but by his words and deeds he hasn't 100% committed to the relationship.

That would explain why he says what he does about his friend (my boy) and why he shows no affection to you in public (or even acknowledges that you 2 are together( - he's sending a message to the world that he's just a cool, hip 20-somethign guy who's comfortable with his sexuality.

So, all that said, after 8 years, why NOW are you getting upset. I can't belive taht this is an "all of a sudden" thing. If it is something that's just started happening, then you might have something serious to think about.

If he's always talked and acted like this, you really can't get pissed about him doing and saying things he's been doing and saying all along - just because now it hurts your feelings. You either accept him for who he is and how he wants your relationship to be, OR you break it off and move on.

If this behaviour is new (a year or so) then actually, i'm guessing he's putting distance between you 2 because he's just waiting for a reason to break up...until then, he'll be happy with keeping things as they are, but after 8 years, if he dosn't even acknowledge taht you 2 are a couple - he's sending a message to you (and others) that it's really NOT a relationship.

He also sounds a bit immature - which is normal actually. We all mature a different speeds, and given his age, the freedoms he's got now as a young adult and (perhaps) the feeling that he "settled" with you and that he should have the freedom to explore and experience more iwht different guys - is something for you to consider!

[avidcyclistMTB]

adaidas, sounds to me like he's playing games. He won't come out and admit what and who he is, by the sounds of it.

He has admitted that he is not committed to your relationship. It sounds to me like you are looking for a little more commitment. Your questions are a little bit ambiguous, such as "...how can he live a life like this" and "Has anyone else had a guy like this." Are you really asking what the end result might be.

I think you need to ask yourself what you are wanting out of this relationship as it seems you are not getting it. If it's commitment from one man, then he's basically told you that's not happening and you should move on. You don't specifically mention this, but the things that you mention being odd about him seem to indicate that you'd like his full attention rather than share it in which case, he's not for you.

As for "13"??? I think he's outright lying to you about what that means and if he's got a 13" dick and you have yet to verify that then you should run away!!! :eek:

Good luck and welcome to GaySpeak. Figure out what YOU want and your questions should be answered.

[Blue]

First, decide what YOU want in a relationship. Second don't fear being single. Now step back and look at what you have with this guy as objectively as you can. Does he even come close to being and, giving you what you want? Do you really want to be with him? Can you accept all of the things you are bringing up here, and the rest of the thinks that are less than ideal to you about him?

Just be honest with you and do what's best for you because you being unhappy is never going to lead to a good relationship.

[Teox]

My question is this: Is it possible for a guy to have so many relationships with so many people (guys) that he lives a secret life and he acts like he loves so many people but he can't just be with one person?

Many people are like this, even me but I don't act like I love them all.

I agree with Blue.

Step back!

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Essentially you want us to magically read his mind or something.

Relationships work with communication. There are a lot of questions here, but you are asking the wrong people, you should be asking him why, wherefore, who, what and all of that.

My crystal ball tells me that this is not really a relationship - at least not a healthy one.

It also tells me that you are half to blame for the confusion and misery of this 'affair' in that you refuse to take the necessary risks of rejection to find the hard core truth of his behaviors.

You need to ask the hard questions of him and get his answers. I strongly suggest you ask them as if you are dropping bombs out of nowhere. His initial response to a sudden 'tough question' will provide you with loads of data to draw from.

And you ask these to his face, not via email, twit, facebook, im, text, even not by a phone call. Be face to face and watch his expressions and body language.

Ultimately you see the writing on the wall, know what time it is, whatever saying you want to throw here. You know him better than we do so you already know what is going on. You just need to confirm it and decide what you are going to do next.