I need help/advice/input on me and the guy I have a crush on

[helpmeteen]

Okay, so when I started high school (I'm 14 now) I developed a crush on this guy in my class. He's really funny, incredibly attractive and caring. I was really good friends with him and at first, I thought that I would easily get over it.

It's been a year now, and if anything I haven't gotten over it. What I hate most is that I'm almost entirely sure that he's perfectly straight. He's said it so many times in front of his friends, he talks about girls and how attractive they are, he's the quintessential straight guy, especially in front of his friends.

Yet, when he's around me and I'm around him, most of that toughness and manlyness (for lack of a better term) fades away. He's gentle, he talks to me, asks me questions about myself, how my day was, always checking up on me to see if I'm okay when I'm feeling down, I like to think that he really cares about me.

When he arrives to class, be it in the morning or the classes following, he'd greet me with a smile and a handshake, and when his hand pulls away our fingers feel almost like not wanting to let go, and I like to think he reserves that for me, and only me. During class, he'd sometimes call me out and make a crude joke, and I'd laugh like it was the funniest thing in the world, because it is.

When we have a test or just in class sitting on opposite sides of the classroom, we'd check up on each other, ask if we were alright, he'd send me smiles and winks, I'd smile back and desperately hold back a blush. But what really did me in, was the speech I made during english class.

He'd known I was gay, and was really supportive, one of my surprisingly many friends who did, and I'd made this known to the class in my speech, tackling the subject of teen homosexuality. Basically, in this speech, I came out to my friends. As soon as my speech finished, he stood and clapped, applauded for half a minute, but what felt like forever. He cheered and clapped, and for that moment I was the happiest person in the world. When class finished he came up to me and hugged me, saying "I love you man, I'm so proud of you". I swear at this moment, I though I heard my heart break, because he didn't and never would mean it the way I wanted him to.

It's been a year and he still doesn't know. I've got it bad. Honestly, I've fallen for him, I really have. I'm in love with him, and I don't know what to do. Everyday, I experience this, and come home wanting to break down because I know he'll never feel the same way about me, that he'll never love me. I'm just...stuck, and I don't know what to do, because this really hurts...and I don't want it to hurt anymore...please help me...

[pellaz]

i think you are doing all the right stuff, hang with him as a friend. Be friends and dont under value just the friendship. Think of where you would be with out it.

with 3-8% of the population gay it is not logical to assume anyone you meet is gay. Just likely not. Just as much as you are gay and have rights you cant make him not straight. Even if he is not out to himself he should do this on his own schedule. If you push him you will get bad results. And its high school which is rumor central.

friends need to be supportive of each other. Because he is kind, giving and supportive dosnt make him a possible lover. A straight man sees a girl and likes the shape of her body, you will always be attracted to the Joe.

compartmentalize your relationships. for example;
your brother is family and not to be confused to a friend who helps you work on cars.
A straight girl friend can help you with relationships, a straight guy can be a gym partner or someone you go running with after school.
Find a gay boy friend that likes the shape and sense of your body and can appreciate you as a lover.

[Blue]

Good advice Pellaz. I'd also add that you need to have a serious, private conversation with this guy. Yes odds are he is in fact straight, but to get your head clear on it, you need to ask him directly. He may be bi or completely in the closet, or afraid to be other than straight. Whatever he says, respect that and continue being friends without pushing any sexuality issues. Make it clear that you will never say anything to anyone without his approval and, that whatever he tells you will not affect your friendship, you simply need to know so you know where your head belongs.