Insert cliched title, eg "Confused"

[MN1]

I haven't been in a relationship since I was about 15, and even then, that wasn't real... and it was with a girl. I've been into guys as long as I can remember but have never acted on it until now. I've always avoided getting close to anyone because I like my own space. Just a few months ago I had a shot at something good with an amazing girl and I left it because I felt scared about letting someone be part of my life. Now all of a sudden I find myself facing the prospect of a relationhsip with a guy and it's making me feel awful. I can't even explain why because it's something I've been quietly hoping for for quite a while now. He's the first guy I've ever even kissed. He's nice and all but when I'm with him I feel a total 50:50 split of contentment and disgust with myself. That sounds really horrible but it's just the way I feel. He seems really keen but now I'm finding myself making up excuses to avoid spending time together. The last night he came over I found myself wishing that he was her. I'm so confused. I was so sure about my sexuality but now I'm having doubts again. Is it possible that my being into guys is nothing more than a fantasy that I had to try out...? Or is this what they'd refer to as phase?

[dfiant]

You may be sure you are gay, but you haven't accepted that you are gay because you still have the voices of everyone around you in your head. You know all those people that have told you that gays are hideous, and tell those terrible gay jokes, and then there are the parents who want grandchildren, so you are still associating being gay as something horrible and bad, you have been conditioned to think that way and at this point in time you can't accept the reality of your situation.

I would say stay away from dating, you are not ready for dating as you will only hurt yourself and those around you in your confused state of mind.

Reconciled with your sexuality, whatever your sexuality is.

[ChadCoxRox]

I tend to agree and would add that your confusion and pain is VERY common!!! MANY guys and gals feel the same feelings and think the same thoughts so don't think you are all alone in your struggle. But you are struggling so you should NOT complicate with relationships until you have more confidence and comfort. If your morals or beliefs prevent you from reaching out for SAFE sexual experimentation then by all means I STRONGLY encourage you to contact a local LGBT support group to identify someone you could chat with about this. We here at GS will look very forward to staying connected with you through the murky adventure!!!

[LateBloomer]

I agree with the other guys, if you're not ready for a relationship then you shouldn't be dating under THAT pretext (serious, committed, monogamous, etc...)

Casual dating might be productive for you as long as this is made clear to your future dates.

Good luck.

[pellaz]

please be honest with the bf. Tell him your issues, how you feel. if you end it, end it at a friendship level.
in a nice relationship it dosnt matter who loves you, gay or straight.

[MN1]

Thanks guys. I'll break it off. I think I sort of knew that's what I should do but I was a bit reluctant. Would've hoped that by the age of 25 I'd be more than ready for a relationship of some sort. Just needed to hear it from other people. Cheers.

[LateBloomer]

Thanks guys. I'll break it off. I think I sort of knew that's what I should do but I was a bit reluctant. Would've hoped that by the age of 25 I'd be more than ready for a relationship of some sort. Just needed to hear it from other people. Cheers.

I couldn't even spell my name when I was 25, let alone care for another person.

Life is for learning.

Date YOURSELF for a little while; get to know yourself; treat yourself well; take care of YOURSELF.

Then find a great partner who deserves you.

[ChadCoxRox]

Sounds like you definately ARE "ready for a relationship of some sort", just not this particular sort! You have a long life in front of you and living for growth today will best prepare you for more satisfaction tomorrow! You cannot grow in a relationship where you do not belong. Date dude!!!! Just don't MATE yet!