Tips to be a good top?

[HandyChef]

So this is kind of a long story. I have a friend that I always believed to be straight. He labeled himself as straight. But, I've always liked him more then a friend, but I respected his sexuality and never made any moves or told him that I did in fact like him like that. One night me and a few friends went out, got completely sloshed. When we were alone, he admitted to me that he loves anal. But he had never been with a guy, he had just used things around the house. A Mag Light flashlight one time (:eek: lol) He said he thinks he's bi and would like to be with a guy. So this was my chance. I admitted that I always had a secret like for him too. He said he liked me too and we have so much in common. He said he wanted to go back to my place and ask how big my cock was. Before anything happened, he puked before we even left the bar, and he was done for good.

Last weekend 3 of us went out of town, we stayed in a hotel. When we got back from going to a few bars, I said I'm going to go take a shower. He said can I jump in there with you and winked at me. So we are in the shower and he said, "That wasn't just the alcohol talking last weekend, I really do like anal, and that's the reason I joined you in the shower." I'm pretty hammered at this point, we proceed to shower and talk for a little bit, then he said Lets do it. So we proceed to try to have sex. Well, pretty much all that happened was I ended up fingering him, because I was too drunk to get hard enough. Pretty embarrassing to say the least. He was Ok with it though.

Anyway, I'm a bottom, always have been, but I like to please other people too, so I would like to top as well. I was just wanting some tips on topping so next time we hook up, I won't fumble around so much, not knowing what I'm doing.

Any help is appreciated!
HandyChef

[TomStatic]

I use to have this same thing with a guy before my recent boyfriend,, still to this day that guy i dont know if he is straight still or what but we use to fool around any time there was alcohol, i never really was a top either up untill my recent boyfriend , at frist its abit strange trying to emm get it in haha , but u do pick it up easier was u do it more and more , and we you frist do it its always gonna be weird at first like untill u pick up a technique that works, but im sure he wont mind doing it every weekend or what not haha just try lay of the drink then if that happens to u , as i have heard of a few guys that have that problem when they drink lucky for me i don't but i can black out during some of it hahaha

[pellaz]

use a little more than expected lube and a condom
drink much less than the bottom

[Teox]

I would have to say that my success at being a good top is figuring out what my partner likes and then incorporating that into what comes naturally for me to make us both happy. also a good top needs to be aggressive, doesn't hold back, passionate & strong.

[ESLteacher]

Deep, wet, sloppy rimjob followed by some heavy tongue fucking always get my bottoms panting!

[ceez]

I don't have much experience with sex but don't be surprised if he wakes up one day and decides he wants to keep "playing straight" it happened to me.

[Sylph]

I don't know from experience, cause I'm still a "pure maiden", but they say a good Top should know what it feels like to bottom, so he knows how to improve his "Top Skillz" .

And I suppose as a Bottom, you should know what you like/would like and do it to him, thus using your "Bottom Skillz" to become a good Top :biggrin: .

[fenris]

I would advice : Give your partner time .... to become accustomed to you,, thats very important.

[princealbertofb]

HandyChef, I can't think of a better piece of advice than to stop all that drinking. It's well known that smoking and drinking are not sex's best friends. Keep your wits about you, keep the blood flowing properly, since you are into him getting a mighty erection should not be a problem. And if it is, just try to relax... It may take time to feel comfortable with the whole idea.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Being a 'good top' depends on what the bottom wants/needs.

Some actually like it dry, rough (fast and furious) while others want lots of lube, to go slow and a good deal of gentleness.

I strongly suggest sober communication before you two actually attempt this again. And I strongly suggest that the alcohol isn't flowing (or other substances) when you attempt this again.

There is a huge difference between a mag-flashlight and a penis - and not just physically. Inserting an inanimate object up ones rectum is not the same thing as being mounted by a man. The implications carried by the act can have profound impact on a person who is just coming out or just beginning to 'admit' their sexuality.

Talking before sex helps to get an idea of what BOTH of you expect and want. Being a good top usually means you need to know what it is you like and what your partner likes and trying to find a middle ground between these two points.

Rarely do two people want the same things, or have desires/needs that mesh and compliment each other to the point where they do not need to communicate.

Also understand that there are two different ways this may go.

This first pessimistic way is that he will come to hate you and blame you for all but 'raping him' as he back pedals from the act in horror of what he has done. Since his actions to date is to use a chemical substance (alcohol) to screw up the courage to pursue his 'secret' desires, the chance is higher that his after-sex reaction will go badly.

The second way this can go is that he falls madly, deeply in love with you and will expect you to be his lover. Being his 'first' means you carry a lot more burden for his heart than just pleasuring him a few moments in the sack. It means you take a huge risk of being the first man to rip his heart out and jump up and down on it.

These potentials need to be discussed as well.

Like it or not, you are the 'experienced' individual here. You will need to draw on your experiences and reflect on the complex emotions you had the first time you 'did it' and attempt to predict outcomes for him.

Ultimately he doesn't know what will happen, how he will act/react and most likely is very uncertain about taking this step to begin with.

Part of being a top means you take the dominate role in many other areas, not just being the perpetrator.

Since he wants to bottom, he most likely has a half understanding that his desire is more than just having a penis up the poop-chute, but is a lot more of half understood emotions and needs.