Need some advice regarding this guy I have a crush on.

[jeri]

So... Long story short met a guy at a friend's party, he's really cute, turned out he's straight been with a girl for 5 years now. However ever since we met he seems to want my attention more than you should when you just meet new people. He texts me, messages me on FB to go to their parties, to go fishing with him, to drink and have fun.

When he was half drunk this one time, he admitted jokingly that I have a "pretty" face, I know it could just be a tease but I think he's well aware of my looks. I am not saying I am good looking or anything, but I've yet to get this much attention from any straight guy I've met before. During the same party, I told him I might have to move out of state to find a job since I was laid off with my recent one, he was had some advice for me and it was, to stay.

He acts like we have known one another our whole lives, though we have known each other for a few months. The sucky thing is I have a HUGE crush on this guy. You know when you first meet someone and you fall hard for them and you think to yourself, man, I could fall in love with someone like that today and spend the rest of my tomorrows with him! Well, as cheesy and cliche as it is, I fell for him, hard(no pun intended).

I am trying not to respond to his calls and texts, and try to make up excuses to not attend any of his social outings. Reason being is that I don't want to make all this up in my head and have false hope that he might come out of the closet one day, dump his girlfriend of 5 years and we buy a house and a little dog and live happily ever after.

It's hard to love someone when you know they don't love you back the same way. So I am trying to keep my distance, and ignore these feelings and let it past, I'll get over him eventually like I did with others before but this one is taking longer than I anticipated.

So here lies my dilemma, should I tell him I am gay? I haven't and I am scared it might ruined our friendship, though I kind of do want that to happen because I can't stand it being around him and his girlfriend. He could reject me and be another guy who I have a crush on and get over it but in the back of my mind my stupid self is telling me he might be... bi, maybe 25%? lol

Anyway, has anyone gone through this before? Advice? I sort of made up my mind to just ignore him... it'll be easier that way rather than having second thoughts that he might feel the same way about me. Which is very unlikely... Help?

[fr0sty]

As a person who has been in the EXACT same situation once, here's my opinion:

I suggest that you either tell him what you are and let him make the choice of what you want to do or you could be REALLY bold and just make a move on him without saying anything and see how he reacts.

Having said that, I will say this...i received the same advice when I had this situation and I didn't do either. Soon after, he stopped being as touchy with me as he was being...he lost interest and moved on, and I have been kicking myself since then for not doing/saying something.

Lets say I had said something....and then he wasn't gay and pushed me away or I was misreading him..at least i would have KNOWN, you know? Now i'm wondering what might have happened if i had the balls to do something, and honestly, it doesnt' feel good because I really liked him...a lot...i mean a whole lot. Like I just felt great and just...safe...around him.

Anyway, just saying that I think you should approach it with him in some way. Dont ignore your feelings towards him because i promise, you aren't doing yourself a favor. And dont ignore HIS feelings towards YOU because you will make him feel foolish for having them, and he will disregard them and move on.

[BobInTampa]

I think Frosty makes a good point. Now, the tricky thing is how to bring up the issue of you being gay. You say he's always reaching out to you via text and FB, well, you might want to reply to him and ask him to meet you for coffee - that you need his advice on somethign really important.

He's going to be curious so i'll bet he'll agree. I don't know if you're "out" to your family, but hey, if you aren't out, you might want to just be honest with him and say, "Look, you're my friend and i feel you'll be honest with me and not think i'm a freak or anything, but, i'm trying to figure out a way to come out to my folks about being gay."

Then just sit and wait and listen and watch. You'll know in seconds if he's a homophobe or a friend. If he clearly gives you the indication that he's uncomfortable with the subject, i would quickly just change the subject and let him off the hook. If, however, he shows he's understanding, then well, just keep talking. I'm sure he'll ask you lots of questions like, "when did you know" and such...and at that point, you just have to go with the flow.

I WOULD NOT TELL HIM YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO HIM AT ALL! He has to drive the conversation and you just have to be yourself!

[pellaz]

... I am trying not to respond to his calls and texts, and try to make up excuses to not attend any of his social outings. Reason being is that I don't want to make all this up in my head and have false hope that he might come out of the closet one day, dump his girlfriend of 5 years ...

If you going to this length to ignore his phone calls you might as well out your self to him. Work it to remain his friend. Who has the same girl friend for 5 years?

[Blue]

I agree, just get it out there. Were it me I'd rather know than keep guessing and wondering. Same girl for five years might be an open relationship and, he might be bi, you don't know if you don't speak up.