Leave someone who is untidy?

[Pix]

Only if they prevented me from cleaning up. :tongue:

[Blue]

Bowyn, that's what I would call unhealthy - at least he should rinse the dishes. Food left out, even on dirty dishes attracts roaches, ants, flies and, those pests carry all sorts of bacteria and diseases. It takes 3-5 SECONDS to rinse a dish after you eat, and under five minutes to do so with cooking utensils, and wipe up any splatters or spills - keep the food away form the bugs and you won't have to hire an exterminator.

Leave the clothes scattered, the remote on the sofa, magazines on the floor fine, but don't leave food out to draw bugs, and if you're aim isn't so great, that's what disinfecting wipes are in the bathroom for. I'm fine with messes as long as it's not a health risk and, isn't blocking walkways.

[East]

I remember sitting there sick to my stomach alot when I was a kid when my parents had to look through their mess to find something...like the keys...and I would think so myself...why dont' these jackasses put them in the same place everyday so they wouldn't' go through this bizarre meltdown every time they wanted to leave the house....

...and I spent alot of time on my way to sleep trying to calculate the amount of time they wasted each day looking for stuff amidst their clutter and how much of their short life they were wasting...I decided it was 8 full motnhs...24/7...can you imagine at the end of your life having to look back and realize you spend 8 months in a deliberate state of insanity (the definition being doing the same thing over and over expecting different results)...

So...I don't need sanitary cleanliness but if it is a mess..and even worse if they can't find their keys:eek:...total dealbreaker for me.

[pellaz]

hi boo
you know what will he give you in return for spending hours a week cleaning up after him so it meets your standards. You will receive nothing in return for your efforts and all this will lead to quite a lot of personal frustration. I dont know about you but there are basic needs that have to be shared:
-politics and religion
-persona hygiene, and general tidiness
-is the boy kind to others
sorry
nice as a friend+ but a move in relationship no

ps:
congratulations on the new employ, hope all is well.

[Double007]

Coming from a little untidy person who is perfectly capable of being tidy I would be so sad if a relationship ended because of my untidy habits. I must say this is were communication comes in to play. I think if it's an area where things are shared for example kitchen, living area, etc. this could start an argument. However if it's more personal like a personal closet or private office it's probably not worth the argument. There are solutions to fix some untidiness like cleaning periodically or having the house cleaned. Sure we all get a little busy at times and dust accumulates or papers pile up. I personally feel that leaving dishes for someone else to clean or just dropping clothes anywhere is not love either.

[Buffylo]

Bowyn, you are the most patient person I know. Even if your man doesn't love you, you love him. No other person would put up with that crap and he knows it. You must feel like a slave in your own home...

[ChadCoxRox]

Hi all. Just a quick one... If you love someone and it just so happens they were a little untidy...like their house is a little scruffy and they are not very good at cleaning... Could you see yourself falling out with them over this?
Asking because of something I heard from s friend and want to see reactions from you lot.
Can it really be love if someone could quit because of such things?

For me it depends on how you're willing to deal with it if I am unhappy in any prolonged untidiness. Are you willing to step up yourself or pay someone to do it for you? If so, what's the big deal? It's no big deal until it becomes a big deal. Here's my favorite quote that might help explain the complexities of allowing relationships to grow and/or change to meet personal needs:

Eric Fromm said: "Happiness is a man's greatest achievement. It is the response of his total personality to a productive orientation toward himself and the world outside."

If a relationship is productive, the "little things" that might not seem important can still receive just enough productive attention to REMAIN "little things". Some people can read a pattern very quickly while some cannot. I could see someone "over judging" the matter and vice versa, so your post does not provide enough information to make a fair decision for feedback without being presumptuous.

Lastly, in my experience, there is a great deal of efficacy in the tenets of Feng Shui and they can be very helpful in understanding compatibility issues in relationships. Then again, I can't afford to pay someone to wash my dishes and I'm tired and do not feel like washing them myself, so if my bf can't deal with them sitting there another moment he'd "best" run some water and ask me to join in or at worst resent the matter and let it affect our relationship.

[ChadCoxRox]

...this is were communication comes in to play...I personally feel that leaving dishes for someone else to clean or just dropping clothes anywhere is not love either.

[ChadCoxRox]

Bow I thoroughly enjoyed your reply! Hope you lose the pig and get a silk purse instead!

[Pix]

I grew up cleaning up after my messy alcoholic 'rents. Even living with Granny I was (like all children) expected to help on the farm (granted, it was mostly light labor like changing the water in the water trough, feeding chickens, collecting eggs, shelling peas, and housework of course, etc) and we didn't even get an allowance for it (that was just "earning room & board" in my family's philosophy). So I developed an attitude like it's brushing teeth and just don't give it anymore thought than that. And I think with me personally there's this quirk that to clean is for me to feel some mastery over my environment. Even when I lived in abandoned buildings as a runaway I had to clean, in part out of habit, mostly because I feared attracting bugs & vermin, but it also made me feel like the place was safer as it was mine rather than a hiding place (even if I realized the feeling was an illusion).

And even now when I clean I feel better, I made a difference, even if a small one (but if I never cleaned then it would eventually become a pit of filth and disease so actually it is a big difference over time). Heck, back when I babysat I always did the first job at $10 an hour (assuming I could raid the pantry if I needed a meal, and sometimes I made meals for kids), and then after I charged an extra $1 per kid babysat, and I was very popular because one thing I'd do while bored is clean up (nothing major, it's more like I'd clean up after myself and the kids I was watching and grab any other dirty dishes lying around as well while I was at it, etc). And once I watched Voyager with a friend and the channel went insane with long commercial breaks which repeated some really annoying ads and just to get away from them I even rinsed off his dishes and put them in the dishwasher during the breaks as I just couldn't stand to sit through them (he's tried getting me to watch Voyager or other shows with him again but there's no way).

Because I do it a lot then keeping things clean (not to say I'm a neat freak, I firmly believe in being clean enough to be healthy but relaxed enough to be happy) really isn't that hard. I actually make the kids clean up after themselves a lot mainly to prepare them for independence rather than I just don't want to do it myself (and if they want extra money they can volunteer to take care of other chores, too).

So I don't mind, as long as my partner (or anyone else) doesn't get stupid about it. Peanut butter on the bed, dirty dishes under the bed, leaving stains on the toilet seat WILL make me bring it up, and back when I allowed smoking under my room everyone knew in no uncertain terms that all it would take is one scorch mark anywhere to be banned from smoking inside my place ever again (though now I don't allow it at all as my partner doesn't like it and we have children). Otherwise it's just my contribution and I get other things in exchange (obviously she'd better be worth it).

Of course women in general are trained to be house cleaners so I suppose that might play a part in why I find it more acceptable to have an untidy partner (that said, the neatest partner I ever had was a guy, though I suspect that was part of his gender bending and it made him feel more like a woman, and I've been with women who are utter slobs and heard of much worse that boggles my mind and makes me question their sanity).