How to make my dad love me?

[JisthenewK]

Thanks Blue and princealbertofb! mile: I always love coming here, because everyone on gayspeak is so supportive and caring. Anyway, my father is not good with hugs, unless he really needs it. The only time I remember him hugging me was after the letter. I love him a lot though. I do like older books and maybe he would like to go shopping at a flea market for some with me. It's really hard looking at other people with their dads hugging them and even harder to watch movies where to dad is so loving and constantly lets his kids know that he's there.

[princealbertofb]

JTNK, I think we've already ascertained that your dad loves you and tries to provide you with what you need. Maybe you could tell your mother to handle the intimacy thing... Can you tell her what you've told us? She may find that she can get in touch with her husband about that... as an intermediary, but that will depend on how well she gets on with her husband.

Again, maybe you need to write your dad another letter in which you tell him that it's ok to hug you even though you're growing up into a man... he may think it's getting less and less appropriate... but there are times when you could do this which doesn't involve other people witnessing it and times when you could maybe request this 'closeness'. In the home, in the garage, in the yard maybe?

Maybe you could acknowledge that he'd feel awkward about it, and maybe that you understand he was not brought up that way... what sensitivity you've shown us here is tranferable, I think. He'll probably be very glad to know that you feel that strongly about your family ties. I'm sure it's empowering for any father to know they are 'needed'. The idea would probably be to revisit a few memories you have of his being closer, like the first time you wrote to him... etc.

He's not suddenly going to become Mr MoreThanFriendly, of course, but he may just not know how to construe this bonding, nor maybe be at ease with how this would go down with his wife... is he outwardly loving to his wife/ your mother?

[JisthenewK]

He is outwardly loving to my mum sometimes, just not to me or my older brother (who is even less emotional than my dad). They're still married. I just wrote him a letter and put it in the kitchen for when he woke up in the morning a few months ago, because I didn't know how to express myself face-to-face. I will have to try some sort of bonding. Thank you so much for everything and everyone who posted! :biggrin:

[princealbertofb]

You're welcome, hon. mile: