More troubles with my mother

[Blue]

so is this your mother or your wife's mother?

My mother, my parents legally disowned me when I cam out, so they are my ex parents.

[GossamerMoon]

I came across this article the other day, and this thread make me think of it.
http://www.soulforce.org/resources/what-...sexuality/

Although it's already been said, I suspect your mom is probably seeing a Christian therapist. When I was a kid, my mom took us to Catholic Charities for therapy. It was all she could afford, but I tell you, it was extremely biased thinking.

I've had similar issues with my mother, only not about this particular topic. I'm not out of this closet to my family, but I outed myself from the "broom" closet many years ago. The things I'm hearing here remind me of that so vividly. Many times, my mom made it a point to say that my religious choices were a slap in the face, that I was making the choices I made in order to hurt her. If/when I tell her I'm gay, it'll start all over and be that much worse (she's a devout, black is black and white is white Catholic).

So that article I linked to is one I'll keep in my arsenal. It addresses every religious "bible says no" complaint I've ever heard about homosexuality.

The only drawback as I see it is that the author of the article is a gay man in a gay relationship. I still have to think about how to stress the scriptural points he makes, but as a recovering Catholic, I can see the counterpoints: the devil can twist Scripture to suit his own purposes; man's interpretation will always be flawed, but the original Word was sent by God; and if you're really unlucky, you'll get a person who is akin to an Orthodox Jew, following the letters of the law exactly (not eating shellfish or pork, not touching women during menses, etc.), in which case you can just shrug and say you tried.

But you might post that link to your FB or email it to your mom. Who knows, maybe she'll feel the Holy Spirit guide her.

(By the way, I'm not Wiccan anymore; more like pagan-leaning agnostic. Just for clarification. mile: )

[GossamerMoon]

I think she realized what she did because she came by the house earlier today and we barely spoke to each other. She came back by later and told me she wants to take me out for a belated birthday diner when I have the time then quickly added "if you're not too mad at me." I told her I'm not mad, I'm really hurt. She didn't have much to say to that.

Awww, sweetie. ::hug::

If it's any consolation, I should have added in my last post that my mom is coming around slowly. It's taking forever, but there's always a little improvement. Granted, I haven't hit her with the big bomb yet (may never?), but I understand those tiny gestures mean more than most people might guess.

[princealbertofb]

Doesn't all this spring from the elusive myth that being a parent is about total control of what your offspring become-s?
The earlier you learn that your kid is someone who has their own mind and their own way of thinking and their own life, the better... One can sometimes hardly control oneself, how can anyone expect to have total control over their children?

[archubbycub]

Again y'all thank you for the love and the advice. I think the main thing I'm looking for out of all of this is not so much that my mom and dad, or anyone for that matter, accept or approve of the fact that I'm gay so much as I want them to respect me as an individual enough not to try and change me or "brow beat" me with their beliefs. I know that will probably never happen, but it's nice to have a dream!

[archubbycub]

Read that article Goss! Very good. Gonna print it and give it to my mom to read, though I doubt it will change her mind.

[GossamerMoon]

Doesn't all this spring from the elusive myth that being a parent is about total control of what your offspring become-s?
The earlier you learn that your kid is someone who has their own mind and their own way of thinking and their own life, the better... One can sometimes hardly control oneself, how can anyone expect to have total control over their children?

And yet, they do. Sounds like Cub and I have mothers who both fall into this category. They love us, but they can't, for the life of them, figure out "what went wrong."

[princealbertofb]

They should be wondering how they got it "so perfectly right", don't you think??? Lol

[Blue]

Well, to show you where some parents' heads are,here's an excerpt form the last letter my ex mother sent to me.

"I'm sorry it had to come to this. I know that it is our fault that you lack the strength of conviction and faith to turn away form those abhorrent things. I should have insisted that your father punish you the first time you touched yourself and, every time thereafter with the belt rather than his hand. You would have remembered those lessons. We have failed you in that we chose to spare the rod as much as we could, we spoiled you.
(long ramble about the same thing)
Still, we cannot abide the sin of sodomy nor any other sin to be visited on this family. To avoid this, we ask that you legally adopt the French spelling of our surname as there are already other sodomites in that branch of the family. We also ask that you have no further contact with [name of my then 14 year old sister], your father or, myself. We cannot dictated [name of then 25 yr old sister]'s choice in this but, do not corrupt or defile her children as I know your kind is so want to do.
(More rambling about how I would molest children to make them gay)

[her given name] no longer your mother nor related in any way. We do not know you."

That's what religion does to a person and, an example of how a mother manages to blame herself and, decide she failed, then twist that into disgust, hatred and fear of her own child.

I hope no one else's mother ever takes it that far, but that's the extreme end of the mentality many of us have to deal with when it comes to our families.

[princealbertofb]

that is really sad, Blue. Sorry she felt that way, and certainly sorry she was so blunt about it.