Psychology of Sexuality

[LateBloomer]

Honestly I don't care for the whole issue of what determines our sexuality because it usually tries to reach one conclusion or the other (nature vs environment), usually in the pursuit of some political agenda.

THEREFORE, my only contribution is: It doesn't matter (and probably a combination of both nature and environment anyway)---the only thing that does matter is what we, as a society and individuals DO WITH IT.

[Blue]

I think we are born with a natural inclination to a certain sexuality, but, nurture can affect that. If we are raised in an anti homosexual environment, it is ingrained in us that what we would naturally feel is wrong and, we need to fit in with our families, so we develop a different sexuality, based on what we are taught, and exposed to.

For some, if they marry and propagate a similar environment in their lives as adults, it holds despite their nature and, they don't really think about it, it's how life is for them. For others we break free, at least mentally, from what we were taught and, that's when our nature resurfaces and, allows us to go against our upbringing.

A lucky few are raised in a open environment and nature takes it's natural course because no sexuality is presented as absolutely wrong or completely abhorrent.

For a very few of us, our sexuality may be the result of sexual abuse that impacted us enough to override both nature and nurture. That can be from two different angles. One being that we hated and were so traumatized by one gender abusing us that we cannot tolerate even the idea of sexual relations with that gender. The other being that though traumatized just as badly, we accept that the actual sensations were very pleasurable and, can let go of the guilt that bring, so embrace a partner of the same gender as our abuser. On the last one, I think we also had an emotional bond with our abuser, we hated what they did to us but, they rewarded us and gave us affection amid the abuse. When we let go of the blame, anger and guilt, we discover it's comfortable for us to bond with someone of that gender, and that most are not abusive, but are the partner we desire.

If you want to explore the abuse driven sexuality aspect more, this site has a good lending library and, joining the forum, posting what you are researching and asking for opinions will get you a broader spectrum of thoughts and experiences. Just read the guidelines, some things need warnings or need to be posted in a certain way. This site has people still enduring abuse and very recently out of it that are easily triggered, and you don't want to do that.
http://www.pandorasproject.org/

[Zet]

I never choose to be a homosexual quite frankly. When I think about my whole life, it has been quite clear that I've been unknowingly gay for the entire time. I think girls can and is beautiful, wonderful and sweet... But I think the same way about my cats LOL. I've never felt drawn to them, when I think about my teens, the only thought that attracted me about a girl was having a companion, someone you love and share your life with... Even when I jerked of to porn I was actually unconscious checking out the dude instead of the woman. When I found out that I was gay, it came quite like a shock to me. I didn't want to be attracted to men... And it was really frustrating at times and I was so conflicted on the topic. I just wanted to have a normal life, but then again... What is normal? With time I learned to accept it more and more, heck I've got other things to be concerned about then about something so shallow... I am gay, so what... It does not define my personality, just like no straight man is the same either. But I did not choose to be it

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Its not a black and white situation. Its not either or, it can go both ways.

Some people are made gay - usually they are victims of horrible abuse and turn to the same gender as a way to stay away from the abusive gender and still fulfill all of the needs for human intimacy, love and that stuff.

Then there are those who are born that way.

I think if sexuality was a choice, none of us would choose to be LGBT. Its just too much work, frustration and your always - ALWAYS - the butt of some terrible, nasty joke... Or you end up being stalked by a gang of thugs, beaten with a baseball bat, dragged behind a pickup truck or merely hung on a fence to die.

Who would choose that?

Your a product of a lifetime of programming. Propaganda. Oh and that propaganda is not just about your sexuality. You drive the car you do because of programming, you went to the fine school you did due to programming. You wear pants in stead of skirts because of programming (seriously clothing has no gender, its is a thing that is made, not reproduced like living things).

Your confusion about sex and sexuality is a product of a society that tells you day in and day out that to be Gay is Wrong. IF the homophobes would stop talking about packing fudge and tossing salad and making all of those crude jokes. If society didn't tell you you lose your penis when to are gay, if the pulpit didn't tell you 10,400 times you were going to hell for sex with a man, you most likely would have grown up and be comfortable being either gay or bisexual and not have any of these issues that hold you back.

In a society where sexuality was a non issue, we have men predominately being bisexual. Look to Rome for a clue.

[Bricg1970]

I read once that Bi are actually Gays that are slightly attracted to the opposite sex but they have a higher atraction to people of the the same sex and tend to be actually more Gay than Bi.

In order hand, in my own experience I lived 25 years miserably trying almost everything to cure me and nothing. Now I am a happy open Gay man

[Double007]

Thanks for your input everyone. That question asked by the teacher got me thinking and the answer the guy sitting next to me made me question why I was really attracted to guys, since we both liked girls and then started liking guys. I have to be honest and say that I find it interesting that most of the gay people that have responded have always known. For me, the feelings I had showed up or surfaced around age 11 or 12. I did notice that I was different from other guys growing up but I'm not sure how much that plays into this whole thing.

[princealbertofb]

I'm sure there are some, Double Oh Seven, who had no idea until much later. What is maybe part of our environment in terms of what we can see (books, tv, in daily life, publicity etc) is likely to condition how we think about sexuality or not. In my day, it was more difficult to know that one was gay from a young age.... since there were no models (no role models, and the rest was kept quite secret) therefore I don't think I realised my own sexual preferences before I became a teenager, when it did emerge.
What we do with the knowledge is a matter of choice, I suppose, but being or not being gay is not much of a choice, in my opinion. Just what you were born with (or not).