Extremely confused, need some advice (be warned, story's a bit long)

[pellaz]

... Create a 'safe space' for him. A space where he can explore his emotional side without having to commit to the sex act. Ask him if he thinks kissing on the lips is ok. If not, then say 'we don't have to do that, I'm ok with that' ...

............................

[PFlyers]

When a girl got pushy I suddenly found myself 'pursing' another girl - "Oops, sorry, did I forget to mention I have a thing for Wendy?"

That sounds oddly similar to what's going on here. Around 6 months ago X's then girlfriend got very clingy and pushy, and he started telling other girls he had feelings for them - even while he was still dating this first girl. You could be on to something here, haha!

Well, in that case, besides simply making it clear that being together wouldn't necessarily imply sex, when you were in his similar high school/post-high school state of mind, what would've been the best thing for you to hear?

I know it's important to tell him exactly how I feel about all of this and try to open up to him, but how should I handle the whole situation of him pursuing this other new girl? I feel he wouldn't take well to me saying that where as she's fooling around and not taking things very seriously I've put myself on the line and opened up entirely to him, even if that's the truth....

I'm just still a little unsure about how to open up and tell him that he's really been confusing and hurting me and throw all that emotional stuff at him while still making it feel like a "safe place" for him to open up and figure things out. Should I say that I understand he might be afraid of committing to liking guys or scared of how real things could get, or should I let him come to that himself?

[Blue]

Try this, paraphrase to fit you.

Hey man, I really don't know where your head is but, you're sending a lot of mixed signals to a lot of people, me included. I get that you might be trying to figure out your preferences and, I know that can be hard. I'm here if you want to talk about it, or whatever but, just let me know where your head is okay?

[PFlyers]

Well, now word is getting out that this new girl likes him and he's planning on asking her out :/ Beyond simply not wanting to see that happen for selfish reasons, this girl has a past reputation of quickly meeting guys and dating them (the two have only talked for a couple weeks) and for the last week or so has been flip flopping between which guy she likes. I'm afraid that, besides the obvious reasons to not want to see them together, that she's a bad idea for him and is only gonna hurt him in the long run. How do I bring this up to him without seeming selfish and motivated by my own interests?

I'm just bummed cause this girl hasn't even really necessarily shown any solid commitment towards liking him, while I've taken the huge risk of throwing myself out there and telling him how I feel, yet he still wants to go out with this girl. Over the last day or so as they've become more of "a thing" he's become way more cautious about what he says to me, like making sure to say "dude" frequently, something he never used to, as well as correcting himself on small things (Ex: he said he thought I looked really good yesterday, then quickly corrected himself and said cool instead, as if he was trying to cover up a mistake). He seems fine bringing her up in conversation too, should I tell him to stop doing that cause it really bums me out?

Any advice on this? I also want to thank you guys a ton, you've really helped me understand this whole situation a lot more

[Bowyn Aerrow]

... when you were in his similar high school/post-high school state of mind, what would've been the best thing for you to hear?

I honestly don't know. I was in high school in a whole other century:o. Gay just didn't happen, no one I knew was gay - and everyone knew that gay was a very, very bad thing.

I didn't even entertain the possibility I was gay until my 20's. Even then when I started falling in love with a guy I kind of sort of didn't know what it all meant.

So his situation is vastly different than it was for me back around that age. He has a 'guy-friend' who allows him to flirt, touch and other things.

Should you? I have no idea what you should do. There is a lot of information that is lacking here and not just about him, but about you as well.

I do not know what your comfort levels are, I do not even know if you really want to pursue this beyond where it has already gone.

Understand these 'games' that have been playing for the past 2 years have left a lot of scar-tissue and you may not actually be able to deal with being the compassionate man who waits for the closeted man to jump out of his closet.

Personally, I don't 'do' straight me, bi men and in the closet men. I steer clear of them. But then I learned from the experiences of others, such as your telling us what is going on. To me that is just too much work, too much heart ache and something I wouldn't willingly put myself through.

IF you were me, I would tell you to drop it and walk away - find a nice guy who is already comfortable with his sexuality and let this guy have all the space he needs to figure out himself.

I do not know if you feel that that is good, I do not know your limits and I definitely won't tell you 'this is what you should do'.

[Blue]

Like Bowyn said, high school for me was a different century, or as good as and, gay was not an option. Yes, I knew I was, 100% by 15, but I still wasn't convinced that I was SUPPOSED to be gay. At that point my mind was still stuck in "He [my father] did that [sexual abuse] to make you this way so he had an excuse to belt you more often."

I would never have even considered looking at a guy below the wast, clothed or not. Nor did I dare look at girls as anything remotely sexual - even if I had fantasized about them, that was a sin as much as fantasizing about guys was and, I was dead set on not being gay, on being saved.

I know a bit of an odd concept that even masturbation and fantasy was sin, the same as if I had actually had sex with whoever I fantasized about. But then I was raised that thinking of sinning was the same as actually sinning. Glad I wasn't Catholic, my pries would never have heard the end of the confessions from me with that mind fuck going on.

I don't date bi or in the closet, trying to maybe come out or any of that but, if I respect them enough to at least figure they are worth the air they breathe, I'll try to be there as a part of their support network, as much as they will allow on a strictly platonic level. (natural aptitude and in born desire to heal there. I want to help fix anyone I can.)

So were it me, I'd be a friend, not flirt back but, listen and give feedback if he chose to bring the subject up with me, and I would make sure he knew I was okay with difficult subjects, wasn't going to judge him or get upset, just be honest with what I thought of it and, relate a few of my own experiences, if they were relevant to anything he touched on.

As with any personal situation, ultimately only you can decide what is right for you.

[Rainbowmum]

Sweetie he is very confused at the moment ,the guy is trying to find his sexuality and by the sounds of things is scared of what is natural.

Give him some time, remain his friend , you have nothing to lose.