During the first couple of months after coming out, I had intermittent panic attacks that disrupted my breathing. Looking back, it's not all that surprising.
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Although Medication can be very good and help you, With my experience it also can mask the real
feelings.
I have just stopped mine AD tablets and have now been put on some anti anexiety tablets.
Since I have stopped the AD tablets I have found that my TRUE emotional feelings have gone through the roof and it came to such an extent that I had to make an emergency appointement with my doctor as I though I was loosing it.
I am glad that I have stopped with the AD tablets as hopefully I can now feel my true feelings and take one day at a time if I can manage it.
The anti anexiety tablets seem to have calmed me down a little but my stomach is constantly churning.
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With or without drugs to help you, As soon as some people know that you have a mental illness they can automatically judge you and think you are mad without getting to know the full extent of it.
This just proves that ignorance plays a huge part when mental illness is concerned.
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All of my problems come from other stuff although there's a lot of things that make life a lot harder due to being trans but even some of those issues are only indirectly related.
Trans -> didn't socialize with people because I'm a freak and couldn't relate to anybody -> didn't learn hot to properly interact with fellow humans -> Doesn't ever leave the house
Unfortunately I don't have money so I can't get back into therapy and I think some anxiety meds would really do me some good even though people keep telling me otherwise which actually just makes me even more angry because I really don't think it would benefit me in any to continue having panic attacks over having to things that people do everyday.
The government thinking I'm not even human because I'm gay AND trans doesn't really help either. Actually I think it's been making it much much much much much worse lately and the main cause of my rage.
So I guess my issues are primarily because people are assholes.
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I had to make an emergency appointment today with my doctor as I just was at breaking point, And he has put me back on the anti depressants (As I did go cold turkey on them) and given me Diazipam for a week so that my body can calm down a bit.
I said that I don't want tablets all the time and want to come off them a.s.a.p but he said that I do need them.
I will have to go back in two weeks and then discuss seeing a specialist.
I did tell the doctor about my anxiety and that it seems to stem from my low self esteem and confidence because I am gay but I don't think that made much difference.
What if the counselor isn't gay friendly ?
I really want to enjoy life and be with other people in the same situation and I am even willing to go away on a break to help with this but it is getting someone in that same situation to come with me or a group of people.
Just the thought of walking in a meeting on my own makes me feel sick.
Mental illness/Depression is destroying me and I really have to make a start now and not hold back.
Loneliness is so hurtful and I have so much to give to a friend/friends/Partner.
A horrible situation I am in and if someone said here is a place to go on for a week with simular people, Even though I am shy I would take it without hesitation.
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^^ Not every therapist or doctor is right for everyone. If you want to know if yours is gay friendly, ask him or her. If he/she isn't then find a new one.
I'm not a fan of meds but I've had a bad experience with antidepressants, swore I'd never take them again and, I haven't, won't.
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