misleading therapist, what do you think

[hank]

How do you know you're right when the while world tells you that you are wrong. My father was in my life, he was a big part of it

Really what this comes down to is how do you maintain the strength to not hide in the closet again. It's been so hard lately.

[BobInTampa]

THAT THERAPIST IS 100% WRONG AND IN BREACH OF HIS CODE OF CONDUCT! YOU SHOULD REPORT HIM IMMEDIATLY AND CHANGE THERAPISTS!

Visit this link IMMEDIATLY (http://www.apa.org/pi/lgbt/resources/sex...ation.aspx) and review teh PDF's listed there. Find the one you think best fits your situation (http://www.apa.org/about/policy/appropriate.aspx), print it off and bring it to your therapist.

HE CAN LOSE IS LISCENCE FOR TELLING YOU SUCH THINGS DURING A SESSION.

REPORT HIM IMMEDIATLY - BUT BE SURE YOU SHOW HIM THE APA'S POLICY AND THAT YOU'VE REPORTED HIM TO THE APA - THEN LEAVE AND NEVER COME BACK.

Then, on the same site, you shoudl be able to find a local liscenced therapist who will HELP you not hurt you!

DO THIS ASAP!

[Blue]

You know, I'm really starting to lose what respect I had for psychology (and to be clear I'm talking about the discipline itself, not just the profession).

And I recall reading somewhere that the less a counselor was educated the better people tended to do under the said counselor or therapist. Perhaps then what's best is to find someone with good people skills outside your social circle willing to listen and provide a sympathetic ear (and cold reading skills even better as long as they're genuinely trying to help)...especially now that I think that's the ONLY thing most of them have going for them now (when they're not screwing over those who see them out of ignorance, projecting their own issues onto their clients, or corruption).

I agree Pix. I've been on both sides of the find someone approach. An online friend, even someone you might meet for coffee often offers better council that a professional, especially if that friend has been there, or has educated themselves willingly about whatever it is you need to talk about and, is willing to listen to and respect your limits as far as dealing with things or, choosing not to deal with certain things right now, not discussing some things etc...

For me, it comes down to one simple fact, there are some things that some of us have to deal with that no one who hasn't faced them will ever understand.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

How do you know you're right when the while world tells you that you are wrong. My father was in my life, he was a big part of it

Really what this comes down to is how do you maintain the strength to not hide in the closet again. It's been so hard lately.

What you have here is a Nike situation:



:tongue:

Its not easy, even now two decades and change after I officially came out I get the occasional desire to go back in the closet it, shut the door, lock it, board it up, seal it with brick, cover it with 2" steel plate...

It happens.

And it doesn't just happen because homophobes treat you badly.

Right now I am seriously contemplating going into the closet just to keep from going through the mess of being a recently made single gay man and having to do the whole dating mess again. My Gal-pal so badly wants me to go with her to Sacramento (or San Francisco) to get laid... she feels I would be better off with a one night stand or five under my belt....

Going back in sounds easy, sounds safe. And for many of us being in the closet was safe® than being out, so it makes for a 'happy place' to escape to when life starts getting all lumpy and bumpy.

Sometimes it is just plain hard to face life head-on, it happens to all of us. having a 'safe place' to run too always sounds good. And while it is easier in many ways, it does deny us the much needed experience life is throwing at us.

I think one of your problems is you are dedicating yourself 100% to being bisexual for the rest of your life. Stop that.

Instead just decide you will be bisexual and out of the closet for the next 24 hours.

No man can endure a thing that has no end. A life-time of something is unimaginably difficult to deal with, mere 24 hours of doing a thing is far easier.

24 hours from now you can opt in and do it for another 24 hours, or, if you really feel you can't do this, then you can opt-out. Wait and see and don't worry about your choices to opt-in or opt-out tomorrow. Just deal with it today.

Oh, and don't forget to breathe. We are strange creatures, we tend to stop breathing when we need to breathe the most....

[Nick9]

I have applied some undue stress upon myself this last year, toiling with my sexuality. Trying to force it one way our another.

Hi Hank,
this seems familiar. Try to look at it different way. Why should you be so defined - straight/gay/bi? Do YOU really have to know what label put on your forehead? Do you need to tell all people around?

You are simply you. Unique. No need to belong in any box/drawer/group whatever. If you feel like straight one month and like gay the next month, it's ok. Really.
Try to find a person you will feel nice with and don't select the men/women first.

Maybe later you will see if you unconsciously follow a pattern, if there is something specific you are looking for.

There is no need to look for the label first Some people know it immediately, some don't. Both is ok.

[SlipknotRlZZ]

Be what your heart wants you to be, everything's okay.

[ChadCoxRox]

Not to be too defensive because all the reply posts make perfectly good points, but a professional relationship for therapeutic goals is supposed to come with a detailed disclosure statement regarding theoretical background, programmatic versus therapist roles and expectations, etc. The disclosure should explain if the experience will be sufficiently supported with competent supervision. If you report, the best way to report is to the professional and his supervisor first and foremost, else how do you expect the individual to grow and not inflict such bullshit on the next person? Reporting above is also very recommended if the degree of harm warrants it in your own personal opinion. Just be aware that the degree of openness the therapist and his/her "program" exhibit in addressing concerns is directly indicative of your ability to benefit from an ongoing effort for growth or change. Lastly, supportive counsel and peer counseling are very much similar to clinical counseling, especially from a social perspective...but they are VERY different when it comes to taking responsibility for actual, measured growth, change and satisfaction.

Just because so MANY people think "gays" are "flamboyant ninnies" who only want to suck cock and take one up the arss does not make them all so and I think the same consideration should be applied to helping professionals.

Your original post speaks about the efficacy of treatment and the competence of this individual. You described a complete absence of both in the relationship you had. You also implied it was one way. He seriously fucked up and you left offended and possibly injured. You both lost. You could both just as easily win! Not that I'd be willing to find out if I were in your same situation! But I just want to point out that the use of a professional as a tool for measured, accountable growth and change can be VERY effective but only to the degree that it is a working relationship engaging both parties within the scope of professional practice structured for success and not haphazard harm.

*stepping down from the soap box*

[Blue]

Yes Rox, there is a time and a place for a GOOD therapist. Not every therapist is good and, not every good therapist is good for any given individual.

This one went way out of line, and though this might have been the first time he openly voiced his views on sexuality, I think that was one of the underlying reasons he wasn't much help.

[princealbertofb]

Sounds like the therapist has too much of his own agenda and therefore cannot let the patient be who he needs to be..
How much do you realise you need or want to come out? What are the frustrations you're going through, and why do you think coming out of the closet would solve your issues?

[hank]

Well i came out, and i really didnt know what was next. I was really confused being bisexual. I needed some help dosassociating sexuality with sexual abuse suffered as a child