Gay... disabled.. never been on a date, but would like to. Any suggestions?

[Tyrion]

So, if you haven't seen my intro thread, i'm 28 years old, from washington state, gay, and in a wheelchair. I live in a small town with very few gay people, and have never been on a date. I hate the fact that i'm 28 years old and never had a real relationship. I've tried a few dating sites.. and it seems whenever I find someone who really likes me, and I like them, they're out of state or the country and it never works out. Does anyone have any suggestions? Thoughts?

Thanks!
Joe.

[lizzielee]

Joe I wish you all the best here with this. All I can say is that I would keep going with the dating sites cos perhaps you will meet someone, maybe sooner or later and you never know what might happen. Look for friendship first and then the other could, may ........follow. We just never know what is around the corner. Just because your situation is single now.............tomorrow or next week or next month -- it might change.

I wish you all the best...............

Take care
LL mile:

[Nick9]

Hi Joe, nice to see you here
Try to look at it this way. At the age of 28, many people have already lost their illusions, are heartbroken, some may even be divorced.
Joe, I have absolutely no doubt that you will find your love. Start with friendship. Stay open-minded, don't rule out long distance relationship or email relationship. And keep coming here, if it feels good

[hue]

hope all the best for you...i know it's difficult. finding someone
always is, especially that special someone.

do you have any social outlets? i know your handicap makes social
life more difficult but the more you're with others the better opportunities
you'll have. (at least that's my own strategy, lol...no luck so far but ever
hopeful!) and hopeful for you, too.

all the best
hugz n smoochies

[Blue]

I agree with what's been said, don't rule out long distance relationships but, do understand that it will probably take longer to build that to a point of actually getting together than it would if you could see each other in person.

Personally I am not a fan of dating sites, they tend to push the fast hook up concept and, that isn't what I want. I want a friend first, then a confidant and, if more comes of one of those friends, then it's worth exploring. If that friend happens to live a few hundred or, even a few thousand miles from me, that's okay, we'd discuss it and, figure out were to go from there and, what to do about the logistics of actually seeing each other.

Don't get me wrong, I'd be delighted if he were local, but I wouldn't rule out a long distance relationship any more than I would rule out a disability or a chronic or, long term illness. Just something we would need to talk about, and I'd hope had as friends long before it got close to being anything more.

(And, no I'm not looking, too close to my last breakup - I do not do the rebound thing.)

[Spades]

Being in a wheelchair myself, I agrre that it is difficult to date. All of the best for you, I really hope you find that special someone we all deserve!

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Back in the day, when I was last single (recently made single) we didn't have dating sites. Instead we went to the local cave and looked up potential mates in the paintings on the walls:



We didn't have internet back then.... :eek: :biggrin: :tongue:

I never got involved with a guy off the net. I met guys at work, at library, at private parties, at AA/NA, at the coffee shop. And the majority of them started of as 'friends' first with no string attached and no expectations for 'relationship'.

In horror you will find that a lot of gay men have pretty high standards, and since you come with wheels all they will see is the wheels and they will run away. Shallowness seems to be an ingrained Gay Culture thing.

Sorry, its a terrible thing.

I would suggest getting involved in local activities you like, LGBT centers, if you have hobbies then get into local groups that meet face to face to do such things. Don't be intent on finding a lover - instead work toward finding friends - and don't discount straight people, straight people who accept LGBT usually have more than one LGBT friend and often have this habit of trying to hook up their LGBT friends....

As for Long Distance Relationships (LDR). If this is a strict rule with you then stick by it and don't go to those sites where LDR is a potential. LDR are hard to do and most fail. Humans are designed and evolved 'face to face' and are hard-wired for personal, up close real-time discovery of each other. LDR is a rather new thing for humans and most of us do not have the adaptations necessary to make LDR work.

[princealbertofb]

Hello, Joe, and to GaySpeak... I'm kind of hoping that it won't be too long till you find someone you might have a relationship with, even though you are disabled...

Gradually society is copping onto the fact that even disabled people have desires and wish for a sex life. I guess it's a bit harder for gay disabled people... Our friend Joseph, who's been on here a while, is looking too, although his disability is different from yours.

I'd just like to remind you, while not disqualifying your search, that even able-bodied people can have trouble finding the right partner, and when gay, it may take a long long time before you even allow yourself to find that partner. I should know, I waited 18 long years before meeting my current partner. The wait was worth it.

To be practical, I think there would be an opportunity there to create a website for people like you, who feel isolated, but come to think of it... this is such a site, where you can come and find friends, and maybe more if two minds think alike and click. Stranger things happen.

What sort of relationship would you be looking for? Would you, like Joseph, wish to find someone who was also disabled? What are the qualities you are looking for in a man? ... Let's try to be realistic, of course. After all, Prince Charming is slightly overrated, huh???

Good luck, Joe.

PS, I hope this doesn't come over as flippant... I meant it to be humorous. mile:

Oh, and, btw, Joseph never lets anyone forget that he's gay... it's one of the things he's most proud of, and by being honest with himself and others, he's keeping all his options open, I believe. It's brave of him to admit it (and unfortunately he has to repeat it time and time again, because some people don't understand it) but at the same time it's a positive thing that he can hold on to. Are you open about being gay?

[Nick9]

I admit I refuse to share Bowyn's pessimism.

I think that it's good that you are 28 and not 15, and I believe things will get easier. Young people are not very open minded (and not only gays). With age there come different perspective, more experiences and different point of view for many people.

I wouldn't care at all if you are in a wheelchair now. Unlike PA I do believe in Prince Charming But it never came to my mind that there is a special rule - he must be able to walk. I know that there may be many other problems too, but I would be interested in other things (are you a nice person? Do I feel good with you? Are you a jerk?). Because, I can be sitting in that chair tomorrow. Or someone from my friends, and I wouldn't dump them just because of that.

I admit I didn't think this way in my twenties. I had to lose my disabled child and overcome many more obstacles to change my priorities. But that's the point. I am not the only one. I believe that with age comes different perspective and if you don't look for your partner in high schools, you have a very high chance that you will find him soon.

I think that you should look for a person who will not see the wheelchair at all - who will be able to have a fight with you and not to feel sorry for you and constantly take your disability into consideration. And you usually find someone like that through friendship.

I also believe that LTR can work (I've tried it). Maybe not for you, but why not give it a chance...

[princealbertofb]

I do believe in Prince Charming, lol, otherwise I wouldn't believe in myself, Nick.... Hahaha, have you ever read anything so self-centered???? hehe

My point was that we shouldn't give up on true love... real love, and just settle for something else called comradeship,or friendship... if we can have love, it's better.