It's been one year, but I feel like I can't move on

[protegemoi]

Okay so, as the thread title says - I'm still finding myself like I'm stuck in one place & one moment of something that ended up about one year ago, when I broke up with my boyfriend. It was the first 'serious' relationship I had, it was no longer me or him, it was us, we, they, them. I'm not gonna bother you all with the details, but long story short - at the end of our relationship, I've come to the conclusion that he is a pretty nasty liar & apparently I was used for amusement (it wasn't like that all the time though, we had some amazing moments during our relationship, I've experienced some things that I've never experienced before). It really broke me down, I was devastated. Think I got a little bit depressed, since I no longer recognized the real 'me'.
So anyways, It got better after 3 months. I've moved on, healed my wounds and never heard of him after that. But you know, from time to time, I still have these pictures coming to my head of us, how we used to be. It's a bit hard for me to explain - I don't miss him, I just miss what we had, or some parts of it. I miss that feeling, the one when you don't have to dream about something, when you already have it next to you.
I think I still feel that emptiness, but not as much as I did before. It just sneaks in sometimes and it makes me vulnerable & makes me put up my walls again. I went to a couple of dates with some guys, but apparently they didn't go well. I became much more suspicious with everyone and I don't wanna get hurt again.

So, how do I start over? I'm trying to be like I used to be, but it just doesn't work. I guess I'm too afraid for anything and I don't wanna take risks. Then I ask myself 'What kind of life is that, when there is no risk at all?' :confused:

[zeon]

Hello,
The key to moving on is finding your own invidudiuality again because in a relationship when it sours you mourn the loss in the same way you would a death in the family.. I can relate to the pictures of memories coming back because where i work... My ex used to work there too and there are many times i walk alone back to the car now with no one to say I love you in the car with but it does get better... Just take all the time ya need ive been out of a relationship for a year and i would say its not so bad now as what it was back then xx keep ya chin up and remember ya a good guy ya meet another mr right when the time is right

[ChadCoxRox]

Let go of going back and focus on moving forward.

The best way to move forward is focus on right now as much as possible!! Practicing discipline "of some sort" will greatly help you, no matter what the interest. So work or play, do it with intent on staying in the here-and-now as much as absolutely possible (however long at a time that might be for you) and use the discipline to increase that ability. If you stick to it you will find great power over healing the past and reaching your dreams for tomorrow. Lastly, one trick that many do not learn...you can't do it "by yourself." So practicing "it", with discipline, over time, one little day at a time, in relationship with those around you leads to sublime skill and capacity for reaching full potential.

If this sounds like mumbo jumbo, keep it in mind, read it over and over, let it digest, re-read it again and again.

If you ever wondered how the greatest skilled artist, musician, minister, leader, soldier, marksman or just about any "greatest" of anything got that way I can assure you it had a great deal to do with the content of this reply.

Best wishes as you find you way and WeLcOmE to GS!!

[Rainbowmum]

Hello and welcome,
The first thing you have to do is reconnect with yourself.
Find the new person you have become due to the new experiences you have led.

I think you miss the magic moments . But now you must move on.
Start enjoying your own company.
Best of luck and remember we are all here for you.

[Blue]

Sure you remember the good times, and the bad, that's how it works. One thing I learned a long time ago is that healing is not forgetting, it's memories without pain. When it doesn't hurt to remember, you're ready to see who you have become and, move on.

[protegemoi]

Thank you all SO much for those replies, it really means alot to me. I've never been able to talk properly to anyone about how I feel, simply because I don't think I have anyone around me who's got patience to listen me moaning about things lol.
But yes, as some of you said - I need to reconnect with myself. Which honestly, I haven't been doing for some period. I'm always feeling lost and simply don't wanna face the reality.
I was thinking of creating a plan of things I want to achieve and focus on them. That way I'll keep myself busy, won't be thinking too much and eventually things will get back to normal.

[lizzielee]

Thank you all SO much for those replies, it really means alot to me. I've never been able to talk properly to anyone about how I feel, simply because I don't think I have anyone around me who's got patience to listen me moaning about things lol.
But yes, as some of you said - I need to reconnect with myself. Which honestly, I haven't been doing for some period. I'm always feeling lost and simply don't wanna face the reality.
I was thinking of creating a plan of things I want to achieve and focus on them. That way I'll keep myself busy, won't be thinking too much and eventually things will get back to normal.

........and get to know yourself and start to enjoy your own company.......
take care and all the best

[archubbycub]

All I can add to all of this great advice is take it one day at a time. Actually you have to take it one moment at a time. Live in the now and don't worry about the future or dwell on the past. Be the person you are meant to be and you'll be surprised at who takes notice. You may even find that one person who fulfills all your wants and needs. Take care and best of luck!

[pellaz]

... how do I start over? I'm trying to be like I used to be ... I'm too afraid for anything and I don't wanna take risks ...

no one wants to take risks. Are you thinking no one wants what you have? After a break up whore around for a while until you can take it more serous. It repairs the self image a lot. be truthful with your one nighers; that its nothing serious.