princealbertofb Wrote:I'm thinking that if you've settled to move on, even if there is no one else new to move on to, maybe you might mention it to him, that you'd like to keep his friendship,next time you meet but you'll move on to someone else if you meet them (for love purposes etc...). If he is the way inclined that you think he is, and if he fears to lose you as a potential paramour, then he might be making the next move. If he's really not ready, then he'll let you go and should be happy for you to be happy. That is, if he's a good friend. Otherwise he might want you all to himself... And then the sparks can fly. LoL. But don't count on it. Everything in its own time.
PA
that's actually really smart advice.  mile:
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Maybe you being so smitten with this dude is making you "see" things that aren't really there. That's normal and nothing to feel threatened about.
Sounds to me like you need a bit of a self-confidence boost. Do you go out to anywhere there are other gay guys? What was it about this particular guy you really liked?
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Hokay, I know for a FACT that if Michael were here (he's one of the wisest people I've ever met just to bring you up to speed), he would say that one of the key things to accept is that a rejection is not always as negative a thing as we might at first take it to be ...
I think in this situation it does really suck for what it's worth as you were (are) obviously still very keen on this lad ... but the point Michael would make, and it's one which I agree with and one I think you would do yourself a great service to master early in life, is that not everybody is everybody else's cup of tea (and I don't mean that in ANY kind of negative way whatsoever) - however just as you might look at somebody that's really smitten with you and think "don't get me wrong I like you, but not in that way (or not in that way at this time)" it is also only reasonable to expect that this might be the case for other people ...
Therefore, if I were in your situation at this point, then I would suggest ... not cutting him off or ruling anything out per se, but definitely not pressing the issue again ... his response wasn't an "Omigod BAIL BAIL BAIL" - it was a "thanks for the interest, but no thanks" and the fact that he didn't give a reason is neither a positive nor a negative ...
If he's given you no indication that's got a problem with remaining friends, then I'd work from that basis, on the "it's better to have him in your life as your friend than not at all, and from a good stable basis there, who knows !?!?!" standpoint. You never know how things will develop from there - perhaps it was just a case of being a bit too much too soon, but with time and patience, he'll see how deep you are, and how your feelings for him flow ??
Sorry I can't be any more uplifting than that at this time, but I think it's very much a case of playing it SMART at this point ...
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Please feel free to keep coming back and asking us anything you like - it's good to have you on board xx
!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
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Shadow Wrote:Hokay, I know for a FACT that if Michael were here (he's one of the wisest people I've ever met just to bring you up to speed), he would say that one of the key things to accept is that a rejection is not always as negative a thing as we might at first take it to be ...
I think in this situation it does really suck for what it's worth as you were (are) obviously still very keen on this lad ... but the point Michael would make, and it's one which I agree with and one I think you would do yourself a great service to master early in life, is that not everybody is everybody else's cup of tea (and I don't mean that in ANY kind of negative way whatsoever) - however just as you might look at somebody that's really smitten with you and think "don't get me wrong I like you, but not in that way (or not in that way at this time)" it is also only reasonable to expect that this might be the case for other people ...
Therefore, if I were in your situation at this point, then I would suggest ... not cutting him off or ruling anything out per se, but definitely not pressing the issue again ... his response wasn't an "Omigod BAIL BAIL BAIL" - it was a "thanks for the interest, but no thanks" and the fact that he didn't give a reason is neither a positive nor a negative ...
If he's given you no indication that's got a problem with remaining friends, then I'd work from that basis, on the "it's better to have him in your life as your friend than not at all, and from a good stable basis there, who knows !?!?!" standpoint. You never know how things will develop from there - perhaps it was just a case of being a bit too much too soon, but with time and patience, he'll see how deep you are, and how your feelings for him flow ??
Sorry I can't be any more uplifting than that at this time, but I think it's very much a case of playing it SMART at this point ...
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Please feel free to keep coming back and asking us anything you like - it's good to have you on board xx
!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
Listen to the smart cookie  he knows his stuff. See that's jsut it, everyone is too quick to think that "im not interested" = ugliness. They never stop to realise that everyone is individual. Not everyone on the planet likes jam. Not everyone on this planet likes Marmite. Everyone has their own tastes - it's like the saying goes "one man's rubbish is another man's treasure" mile: so the next time someone announces they do not fancy you, don't jump to the conclusion that you are not attractive because there are billions of people on this earth so there has to be at least one person who is attracted to you... and you have all your lifetime to find them mile: - plus isn't that part of the fun... tracking them down! Life is an experience, something to learn from mile:
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Indeed he is ... Baby Smurlos ROCKS.
Smurlos FTW  .
:biggrin:  .
!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
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Thanks!
Yeah the thing is we are still good friends, like we went to the cinema (just me and him) on wednesday after me telling him how i felt on monday.
Absolutely nothing has changed between us since i told him, which is good, but it also means that how i feel hasn't/isn't changing. Plus since monday he has been saying he is feeling depressed and i just don't get whats going on with him/the situation.
All my friends i spoke to, before i asked him, thought he liked me back, which is one of the reasons i went ahead and told him. And as nothing has changed i'm still getting the same vibe from him. Gah how can it be that after telling him how i feel, and asking how he feels, i still can't assess the situation properly. :frown:
BTW thanks for all your advice it really means a lot. Anyone i speak to from my friends at home just tell me to get over it. So in this case...you guys are much much better mile:
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Sometimes when we're very close to situations we get blurred vision babe - it's only natural ...
In my experience it's times like that when it's most beneficial to get the input of third parties and, in that, I am sure I speak for everybody when I say that we're happy to help any way we can .
If I were in this situation I'd probably give him the gentlest of nudges by saying something like "I just wanted you to know that whatever's on your mind, you can talk to me if you want to ... I don't wanna intrude as I know it's private, but if you think I can help or you'd like my input or what have you, then I'm here for you". SOMETHING like that ... something which shows that, as much as you want to help him, you've listened when he's told you that he doesn't want a relationship at this point ... because there's NOTHING more aggravating than somebody that can't take a hint (you'll find that out when some lovestruck puppy's clinging to your boot and you can't be doing with it, trust me).
Perhaps if and when he opens-up to you about what's on his mind, you'll be able to help him back to his feet ... and you'll BOTH become stronger (and closer) as a result I would hope.
It's like one of my favourite lines from ANY of Madonna's tracks ... "Inside I was a child that could not mend a broken wing". Everybody needs a little human tenderness from time to time to help them heal what they cannot do on their own ... and in that, your friend WILL I'm sure benefit from your aid ...
!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
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Erm so just so you know, it's me thats been posting this thread, why be anonymous im not ashamed of it so why bother.
Anyhow updata again: In powerhouse tonight (big gay club in newcastle for those that dont know) i got off with the guy in question twice!! so maybe im winning him round to my way of thinking. SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW so so so hope it wasn't just a drunken thing
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congrats on not only getting off but also dropping the anonymous thing
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Don't know what to do at all.
