Etiquette regarding office flirting?

[Pix]

I have a wild silly streak and more than once I've been asked, or even told, to desist, and I did (in short order, if not immediately), and I never took offense, I just took it that others weren't in the mood or just weren't into that at all. Different stroke for different folks, there's a time for everything, and all that, so no offense taken. And I'd rather be told to cut it out before someone snaps and goes overboard in telling me to stop. Obviously, I'm wired differently from many people.

So earlier today I was helping set up an office Halloween party for tonight as a favor to a friend who worked there (as they have to conserve their budget and many of them had actual work to do today, including my friend) and they managed to get a handful of people like me to volunteer (for free) and for about an hour (for me anyway) but I became increasingly annoyed (though it was a few minutes before it bothered me) by another volunteer who kept either flirting with me or making crude jokes, I wasn't sure which. (For example, while replacing the curtains the rods came apart and he grabbed one and told me to hold mine still while he inserted the rod back together as he moaned, "Oh, it feels so good!") I shrugged it off at first but after he just wouldn't stop I tried changing the subject and that never worked for long, and finally, after 45 minutes of this, I said as neutral and matter of fact as I could with no harshness intended, "That's enough, thank you."

He left, I figured just to have a break or let the awkwardness pass (though I'd been finding it awkward for awhile by then) but then one of the office women told me about 5 minutes later that they didn't need my attitude which confused me. When I asked her what attitude, I was just helping, she said the entire reason for the party is because morale is low, people need to feel better, and if I just wanted to tear others down like that guy then I could leave. I'd explained what he'd been doing and insisted I was casual and nice as I could be in asking him to stop and meant no offense, I just wanted him to stop. She then said the guy was depressed after having just got out of a bad divorce and this was his first time to try meeting other women and I just kicked him back down while he was trying to get back up and I said I was sorry to hear that, but it had gone on for awhile with no encouragement from me and enough was enough, how long was I supposed to let him go on and on? She asked me, "So you had to destroy his self-esteem?"

"No, I asked him nicely to stop after he'd been going on for several minutes, that shouldn't hurt his self-esteem."

"And I'm asking you to leave. That shouldn't hurt your self-esteem either."

So I did. I stopped to briefly tell my friend (who was in another part of the building) what happened which surprised her (it also surprised her this party was for company morale because everyone was practically required to contribute money & food even if they don't show up, which everyone was strongly encouraged to do as well even if only for a few minutes, so she's feeling a little worse instead of better over it) but she doesn't know what that's about, and also thinks that counts as sexual harassment, though she can't guess how liable the company is given that neither of us are employees (and I found their policies nonsensical, for example we weren't allowed to use step ladders, only employees could do that out of insurance requirements, but we WERE allowed to move heavy furniture about and stand on chairs). She said she'd try to find out what the hell happened but I told her not to endanger her job over it, what happened wasn't her fault.


And I'm now recalling that many years ago when I checked out the very popular Cosmopolitan magazine (which hasn't changed much going by the covers I still see, and seems aimed at like office women) it assumed that work and sex could, should, and would mix, and they had all kinds of advice on how to flirt with guys and get them to flirt with you, even in the office. Of course it assumes she wants it (but then I suppose a woman who gets it for what's on the cover really is obsessed with "bad girl sex" anyway, and frankly I consider it soft porn for women and would even call them hardcore should they ever accompany their frequent articles on sex positions with pix). In any case, a WOMAN kicked me out for rejecting a guy's crude advances, so maybe I really am ignorant about office behavior (having never worked in one). So serious question, are there some etiquette rules I need to learn for such situations? :confused:

Just for future reference, what should I do? Smile and flirt back? But isn't that called leading him on?

Or do I say upfront that I'm a lesbian? If so, isn't that "rubbing it in his face"? And what if I do and he does what other men have done backed when I was a lot more open about it, like him insisting he can turn me straight or asking questions that are passive aggressive attacks or wildly inappropriate?


And did I likely cause trouble for my friend? :frown:

[Blue]

I think you handled it well. You are not responsible for how he or anyone else reacted. You were not rude, you simply asked him to stop doing something that was upsetting you. If he or others can't handle that, they need to work on themselves.

[Miles]

If anything you were too forgiving, those folks are crazy. You didn't cause anything, those creeps did by being total creeps.

[monk]

You managed it much more diplomatically than I would!

There is no justification for continual nuisance behaviour, sexual or otherwise.

[BabyPolarBear]

You should "casually" mention your girlfriend around him but not to his face Or have someone else mention her around him but not to his face.
Ex
Jane walks up to you with so and so in the room And she says " i love your girlfriend's new hair"
or something like that

[Pix]

Turns out the woman who kicked me out had no authority to do so, but her motives are unclear. The man who harassed me was her brother, and when I told him to stop he went straight to her and said he was “not working with that stuck up bitch anymore” and left (I don't know if he was feeling hurt because I wasn't flirting back and finally told him to stop so that I came off as stuck up to him rather than a patiently uninterested or if that was just his way of getting out of having to volunteer). She also has a history of one-upmanship of others in the office and shanghaiing her brother into volunteering gave her the brownie (brown nosing?) points she desired, and when he walked out on her that cost her points and so she took it out on me and possibly as a way to ruin my friend's contribution of me as a volunteer. So her reaction to me could've been based on familial loyalty AND/OR it could be office politics.

And though it's possible it may haunt my friend as the woman who kicked me out said to their boss that I was a troublemaker (and also left out the part where she told me to leave when she said I left), but given that he's seen me before (and I was always on my best behavior), she apparently has a history of finding blame with others whenever she doesn't come through, and a few others commented on his comments to me it's more likely to bite her on the butt instead.

Perhaps both siblings have an inferiority complex...

[spencer]

If THAT'S his way of trying to talk to women again then no wonder he's divorced and the fact that he got defended for his actions is completely sickening and his comments are probably reportable.

[Rainbowmum]

You handled it perfectly .

[princealbertofb]

I think this guy was out of line, Pix, especially as he didn't know you. How dare he be making such crude references? Methinks he needs a shrink.

[monk]

Methinks he needs a shrink.

Or a slap!