Should I Make Contact?

[fjp999]

I was on vacation in London and met a young man from Austria. This was over 20 years ago.

We had a fantastic summer holiday fling. My first real hot love relationship. He really touched my heart and I have always thought of him fondly.

He being in Austria and me in USA was kinda difficult at our young age. He eventually visited NYC and we met for a few days but the distance had strained the relationship. We kept in touch for a short time but then I moved to Japan and found my current partner/love.

Someone got me on facebook and it got me thinking who else was online. I found my old address book and started putting in names. Didnt find many. I then started googling everyone and I found my friend from Austria.

He is now a big shot make-up artist with a major make-up company. He has appeared in many mags and done work with famous actresses and photographers. The funny thing is that my current partner is also a very talented artist working in fashion, make-up, styling, etc. Making it worse, my partner and I are now in a long distant relationship with him in Japan. My health is very poor and I cant work so cant go and visit him in Japan.

Sorry for the long introduction... back to the main question. One of the pages I found on my Austrian friend had an email addy thru his company. Should I make contact just to say hi? I think he would remember me as we had quite the passionate thing going. Any comments or advice?

thanks,
frank

[Enigma]

Hmmm. Moot point here. He may welcome you with open arms. Then again he may not want to know. In my experience it's never same second time round. But try anyhow. Don't be upset if you are knocked back tho.

[ardus]

I guess the question you have to consider is will talking to him again be worth the possibility of a rejection?

[Shadow]

OR whether talking to him might rekindle on either your side and/or his not just a recollection of what has happened before, but one of those extremely awkward "is the grass greener" scenarios ...

You've said yourself that it's awkward for you with your partner insofar as with your health and the distance it's not easy to get to see each other, and whilst I know from first-hand experience that this ought to be (at least on the distance side) no bar to your relationship continuing without a hindrance (barring the obvious, naturally), I think you need to consider how getting in touch with this guy in Austria is likely to make you feel, rather than him ...

Hope that makes sense. I'm not suggesting anything would happen, but the power of reminiscing over past times should not be underestimated ...

.

xx

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[marshlander]

... the power of reminiscing over past times should not be underestimated ...

Yet again I find myself agreeing with Shadow. You are in a tough place at the moment and I'm sorry to hear you are so unwell. If you think you could deal with the turmoil (and that word is deliberate) of possibly having your emotions churned up it would, of course, be interesting to contact your friend and catch up. Obviously I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your partner, but I think that I would want to discuss such a deliberate move with Albert were I in your shoes. If you have any doubts that you are strong enough to deal with it (whatever that might mean) you might want to try and give it a miss.

I suspect though, that this particular Pandora's Box is going to keep nagging until you open it.

Whatever you do, good luck.

Regards

[newc_student_18]

I know im only 18, so maybe dont know as much about this kind of stuff as the other posters but i think you have to think, if it would upset you more to contact him, and find out he isnt the person you once knew. Or to not contact him, and never know if you could have had a great friendship out of it and more good times (obviously not in that sense as you have your partner now) hope that makes sense in some way

[marshlander]

I know im only 18, so maybe dont know as much about this kind of stuff as the other posters but i think .... hope that makes sense in some way

Makes perfect sense to me. Nice message ns18 mile:

[princealbertofb]

I am one who believes in keeping contact with old friends/partners...
I know the situation may be different if they've been your sex partner(s), but I don't see why you shouldn't contact that particular person. It sounds as if you are burning to hear about how he's getting on and how life has treated him, other than the obvious things that you've read in the magazines.

The thing is, he might just not have time for you right now, with the busy life he is leading. But who's to say unless you ask and find out? It's not as if you are looking to rekindle what passion you may have had in your youth, it seems, since you are unwell and in no position to travel and have a loved one in Japan. You're not much of a threat in terms of "stalking him" or paying him an unexpected visit in Austria when he'd find you standing unexpectedly on his doorstep or his front porch, with a suitcase in your hand and hoping for a bed, a hug and God knows what else. I don't really see how your contacting him can harm him or bother him in the least.

I think it may also rather depend on what sort of news you're going to deliver about yourself. I'd stay clear of the sickness, at least to start with. This is probably a subject that is sensitive for you, and not always a welcome one or a good ice-breaker, unless he really wants to find out. I think you can stay in the vague in your first contact message and just reminisce about the good old days, the way we all do. I'd tell him I'd read stuff about him and was happy to see he was doing so well, something along those lines.

Besides, someone I know always uses the phrase "You've already got the rejection from the onset", meaning that rejection is what you should expect at first. Then, if and when you ask, you are not rejected, in that case you get a pleasant surprise and you'll be glad you ventured a call or a message. Nothing venture, nothing gain, goes the saying. So how much courage do you actually need to contact him again? How bothersome do you think you'll be? And why should you believe that you are not worthy of his attention? How much do you cherish the memories of your times together? Maybe he'll be glad to hear that his entourage is not all phoneys...? Just don't go expecting that things will be what they once were, as you've both moved on.

For support, I'll give you a couple of examples of my life experience in matters of old friendships. I was contacted by an old school friend a few years ago, unfortunately I didn't really have time for him at the time so I didn't go out of my way to rekindle a friendship that was age old and I thought a bit stale today (but I'm not saying I will never contact him back, just not now).
However I did also recontact, through her sister whose name I'd found on the net (one of those old schoolmates sites) a very old friend of mine, one whose birthday I still remember and try to send a card to if I can get my act together in time.... We haven't seen each other since I was in my early 20s so it must be almost 30 years. It makes no difference, I got an e-mail back from her and we are still on good talking terms, she wanting to find time to call me on the phone (she's not much of an e-mail or computer person). I'd love to know how her life has evolved and how well she is doing. She's had a series of unfortunate circumstances love-wise... and I do care about her. The other person I am also still in contact with is my old lover who has since married and not had any children but adopted the pair that her husband already had. When I told her about my new partnership with Marshlander, she was happy for me (I'd stayed single for 18 years). I really don't think we should be afraid of contacting people we've known and had good relationships with. Things would be a different matter if things had gone really wrong between us.

You didn't mention, anywhere, that you'd had an argument with this Austrian person, did you? So why should you fall out now? To me, the only reason for not contacting him would be if you were expecting too much of him in return for taking the trouble, but otherwise, he may be quite happy to know what has happened to you... I know I would be happy to know. Just be aware that he might not have time for you (just now, or never) as other posters have suggested. Marvellous people don't suddenly lose their personalities.

I hope my egging you on has helped you in some way. You sound eager to make that move. Just do it (with caution)!

(not a Nike fan) PA

[Serfdom]

Go for it; being in contact with old friends and lovers is part of life and I think it'd be a shame if you didn't.

[fjp999]

Wow, thanks everyone for their opinions on this. I knew you guys would come thru with many different ways to see it.

lol, I am not interested in hooking up with him at all (though the published pics of him show he has definitely grown in all the right places and he looks very yummy - but my Yoji is better looking...

I am not really nervous about rejection. It would be cool just to say hi and hear from him and this amazing thing of the internet has made it possible. If he doesnt get back to me that is cool too. Just knowing that he is doing well and all is also great.

Yeah, talking about my illness would be a big no no at the beginning. I lived the most amazing life for 40 years so the recent slowdown with illness has been a bit less difficult. I keep thinking about how I would feel if I still had many dreams to fulfill and then get sick = that would suck!

My only difficulty is knowing what to write. If it was a private email addy then no problem but this is his company email addy. What if he has a secretary who reads his emails first???

I only have one other friend who prefers I use her government pro email = so I never do. I dont want to get her in trouble and dont really know what is proper or not???

So I have to think of something short, sweet, and professional but enough that he will remember me. I cant go and say "This is Frank who you met at Heaven in 1984 and was your summer fuck buddy". Oh the drama! Maybe I should scan a pic of us together. I had a long mohawk and he did my scary makeup. He might remember that???

I might write up a draft here first to get everyones comments.
thanks again,
frank