Finally Ready to be Me

[NascarBoy66]

Hello
My name is Bob and am 46 years old and am an alcoholic. Opps, wrong site. Sorry. :-)

I am a gay male that has lived a str8 life for the past 46 years. I was married to the most amazing person for 19 years. She remains today my best friend in the world. Being raised a good Catholic boy it was unacceptable for me to be gay. Being a person that always wanted to make my mother proud I did what I felt I had to do and repress the feelings I had since I was a little boy and lived a str8 life including getting married.

I am only out to a small handful of people at this time but recently have decided that I have wasted too much time in life living for everyone else, being who they saw me as and not who I have always known I was.

It's a new scary world for me and dating scares the hell out of me. Not only because it's been over 20 years since I've dated, but dating a guy too boot. But I feel I am ready and look forward to this journey.

Beyond my very small group of friends that know my other friends and family does not. My ex-wife does not even know. She will be the hardest to tell as I broke her heart once already when I filed for divorce. This I fear will devastate her.

Because of my upbringing I do live with a lot of guilt and the hurt people will feel when they find out my truth. But I have to live life for me now, If they truly love and care about me they will support me for being me for the first time in my life and not living a complete lie for them.

One day at a time in this new scary world. I am the happiest I have ever been in my life right now and know I am doing the right thing. But that still does not make it any easier. So I guess I am just trying to figure it all out.

I have followed this sight on Twitter for a while now and have read through several of your forums. I have never seen a site that was filled with so many supportive people as this site has. I look forward to bouncing things off everyone as I try to figure thsi all out. I am glad a site and group is here like this. I just wish 20 -30 years ago there was something like this. I probably would have done things a little differently.

I have no regrets for anything in my past though. Life is full of experiances and those experiences are what shape who we are.
Well I bored you all enough for my first post. I get on a roll at times. lol

Thanks for being here.

Bob

[dfiant]

G Day and welcome to Gayspeak.

Just my peronal opinion, I think the first person you should tell is your ex-wife for 2 reasons. 1) she probably already suspects and is confused about the divorce. 2) She would be hurt that after so long trusting her you all of a sudden don't trust her and not tell her about your sexuality.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Hello
She remains today my best friend in the world.
Bob

Hey Bob, welcome to Gayspeak.

You should have a heart to heart with your ex, but not for the reasons dfiant mentions but for the reason you stated.

Coming out so late in life takes a lot of courage and soul searching. A few of us in the forum have been through it. For most of us its a very VERY emotional journey, and the best possible way to make that journey is with the support of a close friend.

You have already taken a very big step in that you are now divorced (you don't mention how long you've been divorced?) But Im assuming that as she's now your best friend, the divorce was as amicable as such things can be. Support from your ex will be a huge plus for you, as she can help smooth the way with other members of the family, and friends.

When I came out (after being married for 13 years) I was still married, and the emotional train wreck was overwhelming at times as I didn't have anyone close to confide in or offer emotional support. You can have that with your ex, as long as you can patiently and gently break this news to her. I wouldn't go into any detail about whether you were gay while still in the marriage, and yes she is bound to ask (or at least think) about that. Mine did.

WHatever you decide to do, good luck and welcome to the start of your new life.

Its very liberating, isn't it!



ObW

[monk]

Welcome!

[Bricg1970]

Hi Bob, welcome, I came out after 15 years marriage and two kids. You are already divorced and I think that save you and your ex part of the emotional blow. One of the things you don't say if you have kids which involves addittional pressures but I just can tell you how impressed and supportive were the people around me after coming out.
Good Luck

[AquarianDragon]

Welcome Bob

[NascarBoy66]

Thanks Guys, I appreciate the great advise and encouragement.
We separated in March of 2008 and were divorced a year later. So we have been apart coming up on almost 5 years. We never did have kids but during periods of time took on raising a niece and a couple nephews when things were not good in there homes.

I should also mention that part of what helped me make the decision to start living as my true self is last March I accepted a promotion at work that moved me 2,300 miles away from my family and ex. So it's been just me out here to live life as I wish. To be honest, I'm not sure I could be making these decisions if I still lived in the same state as they all do.

As for Trish, my ex, She has had a couple new Men in her life since then. I have been her biggest fan. Even earlier this week when her latest bf decided to go back to his wife I was the first one she called to talk to.

Thanks again for taking the time for sharing your thoughts. I truly do appreciate all the feedback, advise and support. After being a closet reader of others post for a while now and seeing how you all respond to others on this forum is the reason I mustard up the courage to finally post for myself.

Thank you so much,

Cheers,

Bob

[Dan1980]

Hi Bob welcome to the forum.

[Geminize]

Hi Bob- We have somewhat similar stories. Divorced after 19 years. Dating guys for the first time. It's an amazing step into a new life -- scary and exciting at the same time.

In some ways, I envy your relocation. I'm sure it facilitates your new life and sexual alignment. I have two wonderful kids in high school, so I'm not going anywhere.

Hang in there. It sounds as if you are comfortable with who you are, and that's great. If it's any comfort to know that there are others dealing with similar challenges, I think you've come to the right place.

[NascarBoy66]

Hi Bob- We have somewhat similar stories. Divorced after 19 years. Dating guys for the first time. It's an amazing step into a new life -- scary and exciting at the same time.

In some ways, I envy your relocation. I'm sure it facilitates your new life and sexual alignment. I have two wonderful kids in high school, so I'm not going anywhere.

Hang in there. It sounds as if you are comfortable with who you are, and that's great. If it's any comfort to know that there are others dealing with similar challenges, I think you've come to the right place.

Thanks Geminize
I appreciate it. I lived in Seattle for 25 years and will actually be there for Thanksgiving. I travel there often for business. Miss the city and the beauty but don't miss the rain.

You hit the head on the nail in your response, "scary and exciting at the same time" This is so true. But you are right, I am pretty comfortable with who I am now and look forward to this journey.

Thanks for the response and support. Good luck to you also my friend.