Some times, life is a P>I>T>A

[Marc]

When I was a kid, I was happy, carefree, and loved living on the farm, with a loving family, and a Dad I looked in awe to.

Then, I realised I was gay.
Since then, it seems every choice, every job, every part of my life has been a disaster.

I work hard, I'm reasonably successful, I'm the way I have my own home and business, but that is where it stops.

My past employment was brought to an abrupt halt when my employer found out I was gay, part of my family still hate me for it now.
My dad lost all respect for me and I lost a lot of friends.

Then onto relationships... well... I'm not a bed hopper, I don't like sleeping around, I like having that special guy to love, and I guess I'm blind to certain things.
My ex stole from me, cheated and lied...
I kicked him out.

Now, I live alone, I work every hour possible because I hate being at home.

Im proud of what I have, but I hate being gay.

It seem's every bad part of my life is due to my sexuality.

On top of that, I seem to be 'marmite' people love me or hate me, due to my bluntness, in the way that I tend to say what I think.
I never try to hurt people, but I guess I could try to think before I speak more.

All this for a guy thats just a 3 in front of his age... I should be having the time of my life!!!

[princealbertofb]

Dear Marc, that's not how it works. We all have our different crosses to bear and this life seems to be yours;
You have found the solution to some of your ''ailments'', eg, when you are talking to people, you reckon you can be too blunt, and you now know maybe you need to turn your tongue seven times in your mouth before spitting it out (as we say in French, the expression makes a lot of sense) so that's one thing you have learnt.

You are getting to that time in your life when you start making assessments of things past and look to the future for a bit more of that lease of life.

There's nothing wrong with Marmite, if that's the kind of person you are. There's bound to be a person out there who likes your bluntness, or your frankness (as I'd prefer to call it). Maybe you can just learn to coat it just a little, just enough to make it more palatable, especially at a time of courtship. But ultimately, I'm sure that potential partner would rather know who you really are than who you are not.

It sounds like you've experienced a lot of hurt already, trusting people too much, or being too much in love, or fearing to lose what connexions you had with people previously.
Do you still have your mum? Has she been accepting? Do you have siblings you get on well with?
Yes, it is clear that your sexuality is going to impinge on your life (at least your romantic, sexual, emotional and family life) there's no way you can avoid that if you are not in the closet (it's better not to be).

On the other hand, it shouldn't impinge on your professional life (and losing your job on account of being gay was wrong, I think, in most people's books and even by law, but I'm not sure how & why you got fired). You can be your own man, maybe, or find another job in which your sexual orientation is not an issue?

As far as romance and relationships go, I think life has taught you to be careful, not to rush into things. You're not a bedhopper; that's ok, not every gay guy is. That's the myth, I believe. Plenty of us here to prove exactly that point. So the question remains: Where are you going to find that partner that will honour you, and respect you and that you will love as he is loved?

Life doesn't have a speicific time or age to deliver these; they happen, often when you least expect it... when two like minds find each other. The thing is to be open to it when it happens and not to be scared to try it out. We can never quite tell whether a budding relationship is going to flourish and thrive or die in the bud, unless we're ready to work at it for a while.

Good luck finding that company, as soon as possible, Marc. Just try to look at your time alone as a time to get comfortable with yourself (even as a lone person). Being happy with yourself will make you more attractive in the end (and obviously completely available when the time comes). This is what I learnt from my 18 years of celibacy. It was worth the wait.

[Marc]

You are getting to that time in your life when you start making assessments of things past and look to the future for a bit more of that lease of life.


It sounds like you've experienced a lot of hurt already, trusting people too much, or being too much in love, or fearing to lose what connexions you had with people previously.
Do you still have your mum? Has she been accepting? Do you have siblings you get on well with?


As far as romance and relationships go, I think life has taught you to be careful, not to rush into things. You're not a bedhopper; that's ok, not every gay guy is. That's the myth, I believe. Plenty of us here to prove exactly that point. So the question remains: Where are you going to find that partner that will honour you, and respect you and that you will love as he is loved?

Good luck finding that company, as soon as possible, Marc. Just try to look at your time alone as a time to get comfortable with yourself (even as a lone person). Being happy with yourself will make you more attractive in the end (and obviously completely available when the time comes). This is what I learnt from my 18 years of celibacy. It was worth the wait.

Agreed, I'm certainly reviewing my past... the directors cut has been filed though!
I'm seriously thinking about renting my house out for a year, and taking a year trip exploring the world., but a year alone? I don't think I could do that.

The amount of pain I have been through for my age is pretty high, but a lot was to do with my last job, but I don't want to go into that really.

I had a pay off from my last job, so I have my own business now, so work is not an issue, infact it is my saviour... when I feel down, I work!

Yea I have my parents still, Mum is great, my Dad, well he's my Dad.
I have 2 brothers and a sister, but I only see 1 brother.

My problem with relationships, are I'm to trusting.
I fall for the wrong guy, I believe the lies, then when I wake up it's to late, and I hurt myself again.
I see the good in people, and that end's up biting my backside!

I'm quite happy with myself, but I get lonely when I'm at home, and that give's me time to think, and that is what upsets me.

Sorry for the moan, and thanks for your kind words.

[Blue]

I can empathize, and I'm sure it all feels horrible to you but the reality is there are a few of us who would kill to have lived your life.

What I wouldn't give to have the worst of my own past be rejection for being gay, a few jobs lost over it and, a couple of broken relationships - for me that would be a godsend of a life.

Self examination is rarely enjoyable, and at 30 something is when most really start looking at the future, where they want to be in another 3o years or so, then it hits you, 30 years goes by pretty fast and, you've made a few mistakes that you can't undo, things have happened that left permanent scars and, sometimes wounds that you know will never heal entirely. In short, pain of a few varieties had become a constant companion.

The key is not allowing the baggage to ruin today - just today, no more and, doing one thing to progress personally today, just one. That might be seeking advice and taking it to heart, it might be finding a shoulder to rant (cry) on, reaching out for support in some way. It might be educating yourself about a personal detail or issue. It might be cleaning your house better than you normally do. Might be writing a letter and burning it to help you let go of some things. It can be anything that improves you.

Tomorrow, rinse and repeat. Don't try to take on the rest of your life - you will fail but, take on today and only today, and you will succeed.

Now that doesn't mean don't plan for retirement and a stable future for you and, whoever your partner might end up being - of course we need to do that, but keep the personal stuff to one day at a time - it works better that way.

[Rainbowmum]

Sweetie there comes a time in life when you have to stop caring about peoples opinion of you.
Their narrow mind opinions are not who you are, nor do they have the power to shape you into who you want to be.

Please do not hate yourself for your sexuality , it does not define you as a person.
Accept yourself for who you are , not for your sexuality ,self acceptance will give you even more confidence to face a hostile world.

We are all here for you.