colinmackay Wrote:The topic of conversation is not the issue. The fact that he won't give you his number is. Why should you have to ask him to call you? Why shouldn't you just get able to call him?
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Yeah I suppose I shouldn't have to ask...
With him being in a relationship also. Besides me. I guess he might be protecting that relationship by not letting me have it.... But I'm going to give him time and let him give it to me when he is ready too
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It does seem a rather strange situation, speech is often better than texting, there is alot you can miss in written words
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I dated a guy like that about a decade ago. Lasted about 4 months and the best answer I got was 'because'.
Don't trust me with his phone number then he will never trust me they way you need to trust each other in a relationship.
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Badd Wrote:So my boyfriend wont give up his phone number, at all... He tells me that i dont need it... He has mine and he said thats all that matters. confused??
Sorry Chuck but this is ringing some alarm bells for me, as it has for a couple of the other forum members.
If he's unwilling to give you his number, then he has something to hide or he doesn't trust you. Both can be terminal as far as a relationship is considered.
The message he's sending is "you cant contact me when you want, you can only contact me when I want" In my opinion that usually means he has some other interests that he doesn't want you to interrupt. That could be any number of things, and its no good us second guessing you really need to ask him up front whats going on.
A month you've been seeing each other and he is refusing to exchange his number with you? Big red flag.
Do you know where he lives, have you been to his house, or do you always meet at a bar or at yours?
ObW
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There is a serious reason, obviously but, it may not be anything nefarious.
I am extremely hesitant to give my number to anyone, even people I know face to face. Only four people in this world have my number. Why because those 4 understand my reasons for being very careful. One of those 4 has his own reasons to be just as cautious. I don't have his number and, I understand why and, that's fine. Not all of us can allow ourselves to give out contact information beyond via a secure, well protected internet service and, it isn't that we are hiding anything from our friends, but we have our reasons that have nothing to do with our friends.
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Blue Wrote:There is a serious reason, obviously but, it may not be anything nefarious.
I am extremely hesitant to give my number to anyone, even people I know face to face. Only four people in this world have my number. Why because those 4 understand my reasons for being very careful. One of those 4 has his own reasons to be just as cautious. I don't have his number and, I understand why and, that's fine. Not all of us can allow ourselves to give out contact information beyond via a secure, well protected internet service and, it isn't that we are hiding anything from our friends, but we have our reasons that have nothing to do with our friends.
I was paranoid like this many years ago. And I had good reason to be. I was in the military and working in sensitive areas and those were the days before DADT. In fact it was less DADT and more if you got caught it was an automatic dishonourable discharge and a mandatory prison sentence in a military correctional facility. I was paranoid for a good reason!
But it didn't stop me having a second cell phone (I called it my bat phone lol) It was the one switched off most of the time, but it was also the number I gave out to guys when arranging to go on a date, so we could arrange or change our plans without standing each other up. None of my personal friends , family or work mates had that number.
Im no longer paranoid, but I still keep my personal cellphone separate from my work phone. But only because on my work phone I have a voice mail message that identifies me, the company I work for and my position in the company.
So unless you're on a witness protection programme, or on the FBI's most wanted, if your not willing to give out a phone number to someone your dating, even one that's your bat phone, then in my eyes you have something to hide.
Just my 2c worth 
ObW
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I don't give out my number casually either...but then I wouldn't ask for their number either as it would be unfair for me to have all the power, and it would imply that my life is more important than the other person's. If it was to be one sided then there'd be a compelling reason for it AND I'd have that reason understood up front as it's disrespectful to arbitrarily make rules like that and act as if the other person gets no say in them, they just have to "have faith." Faith goes both ways.
And if I actually get into a relationship, enough to call someone say a boyfriend or girlfriend, then they have enough of my trust to have my number. Likewise, I'd refuse to say I was the girlfriend of anyone I wasn't allowed to call as there's not enough trust or emotional intimacy to even call them a simple friend, I'd be an acquaintance at most, even if we were dating to see if we could be anything more than mere acquaintances.
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Well not all of us can afford 2 cell phones so, one has to do, and even a cell phone can be traced and thus give away your address.If they have my cell, they are people I wouldn't mind if they showed up on my doorstep.
IP address trace, yep you can do that too- have fun might say I'm in Ms, Co, Oh, Wy, Ut, Ks or, NY depending on which service you use and what my IP is at the moment and, yes there is a reason for that too.
And just an FYI, it's isn't witness protection - there are other reasons some need to be extra careful.
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Blue Wrote:Well not all of us can afford 2 cell phones so, one has to do, and even a cell phone can be traced and thus give away your address.If they have my cell, they are people I wouldn't mind if they showed up on my doorstep.
IP address trace, yep you can do that too- have fun might say I'm in Ms, Co, Oh, Wy, Ut, Ks or, NY depending on which service you use and what my IP is at the moment and, yes there is a reason for that too.
And just an FYI, it's isn't witness protection - there are other reasons some need to be extra careful.
Rose Madder, anyone?
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Well when we get together again. I think I'm going to have a conversation with him about it. Because really if I would get hurt at work. (I work for a railroad). I would want him to know. But not having anyway to get in touch other than the Internet, he would never know about it.
So conversation is a must before any fun part takes on our next encounter which is in a couple of days
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