Do you think gay society makes it more difficult to find a mate?

[MisterTinkles]

[SIZE="4"]Hello!

Ok, if you read my Introduction post, you know I help people out and sometimes post quesitons to get feedback on certain situations, concerns, issues, and such. Here is my fist post on here for feedback.

Do you think that gay society makes it more difficult for someone of the same gender to find a mate, than any outside attitudes or issues have on this?

I know theres a lot of gay on gay hate out there, Ive been subjected to it all of my life, which is why I steer clear of any "gay" society in general. But from the years Ive been on this planet, talked too, seen, and heard people talking about this subject, Ive come to the conclusion that gay society makes it near impossible for any man or woman to find a mate of the same sex. Yes, there are "married" couples, but how do they find each other? How did they get out of the stereotyped life of being "gay"?

Just as little girls are constantly bombarded with brainwashing BS to be thin, pretty, and have big boobs....gays are bombarded with brainwashing of being all muscles, being gorgeous, screwing everyone you come in contact with (all anonymous sex), sex junkies, drug junkies, fashion junkies, porn junkies, unable to have a reliable, stable relationship with any one person, etc...

All of this brainwashing had to start somewhere. Where did it start? WHY is it tolerated in gay culture? Im constantly hearing people whine, bitch, and moan about not finding the "perfect" mate, "Mr. Right", "that Wonder Woman". If you dont like it, then stop doing and saying it, why keep spreading it?

People go out there expecting a Brad Pitt clone or Angelina Joie clone to fall instantly and madly in love with them. Why? Do they really, honestly think some supermodel type is just going to walk up and beg them to get married? Where the hell does this come from?

Im a human being, Im not perfect. Never have been, never will be. But I also know what is fantasy and what is reality. I would like to wake up one morning with Hugh Jackman there making me coffee and kissing me goodbye when I go to work. I also know that that will NEVER happen, and I definately dont live my life as if it is going to happen at any moment.
So why do so many do?

When did it become a (gay) crime to just be a human being? I would love to find a decent man and settle down, but I know that will never happen. But I also know there some couples out there who have defied all of the BS and been together for years, if not most of their lives. What is thier secret? Why cant they share it with the rest of us?

Why cant people just NOT believe all the BS, lies, and brainwashing thats going on? They whine and cry about not being able to find someone, but then turn right around and make life a living hell for someone else who doesnt live all the gay lies, BS, and brainwashing. And the more I keep seeing of gay culture in this country, the worse it gets. The lies, the hate, the BS.

If these people really want to find someone to love, then why not abandon the BS, lies, and brainwashing? Dont these people realize they are just killing themselves off and dragging everybody else with them?



Ok, well, thats it on this one.
Thanks for any feedback.
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[Adaptive]

That is a very interesting topic MisterTinkles. I'm not very familiar with the gay culture as i'm a new member here and do not have gay friends, so all of this is new to me.

[megumidesu]

well ... it is possible ...

i'm in a long term relationship with a woman . and i know there are a lot of people on here who are in long term , committed and loving relationships with someone of the same sex ...

[Pix]

In my observation, this is not a gay thing this is a HUMAN thing.

Lots of straight males try to live up to macho fantasies and become confused and even angry when women don't act like their BS porn. I even got into a little trouble this last Halloween because I didn't act like some porn bimbo like he was expecting (and then he left saying I was a stuck up bitch though I was as nice as I could be and ignored him for several minutes before asking him to stop), and then I was told his wife had left him (gee, I wonder why...actually, the real question is why did she marry him in the first place?)

Plenty of straight guys also expect the hot chicks like the hero gets on the TV and feel they're entitled to one. One guy even shot up a gym because he was angry at beautiful women not dating him (despite that he was a loser who looked and acted terrible, but he felt entitled and also acted like a jerk but wondered why women would have nothing to do with him).

And btw, a lot of what you said are expected of gay guys is also expected by many straight guys. For example, think nearly all guys on gay dating sites are horn dogs that just want a quick fuck? Compare to this experiment to see what straight guys would do (and don't tell me they were hoping to marry her and be the father of her kids!):

http://news.cnet.com/8301-17852_3-575514...ociopaths/

Women do it, too. They read and watch the romances and then whine over why real life men don't connect automatically like that, or why the domestic life is harder than it should be, the moments artistically shown in a chick flick turn out to be completely mundane in real life, and also get frustrated when a guy comes home exhausted from working himself hard to provide her with the material things she feels entitled to (just as the men in the romance novels do who are almost always wealthy, or become so in the end) and then is too tired (and perhaps a tad resentful) to go clubbing, on romantic vacations, or even to have sex.

And the most disturbing thing when it comes to women is how many believe a man who hurts other women won't hurt her. I think the romance crap has a lot to do with that in showing so many sociopaths (obnoxious rakes, cruel landlords, abducting pirates are popular, and jerks are very common) who comes to realize he could never hurt her and so uses his strength to care for her instead of treating her as he does all other women...and then women whine when the bad boy they hooked up with in real life treats her the same as all other women instead of being domesticated like in the romance genre. (Btw, I believe Twilight came about because the author wanted to change an Angel ep to her liking in which the vampire fit the standard "sociopath becomes grand protector" of the romance genre rather than what real life is like as shown--metaphorically speaking of course--in the Angel ep.)

And it's not just romance, LOTS of people believe things (and come to expect them) that they see countless times on TV. I've said for awhile now that schools should have a Reality 101 class in elementary school to hopefully catch kids before they get into the habit of thinking what they see on TV is in any way realistic (and thus clueless, and often leading very frustrating lives).

[LateBloomer]

I agree with Pix....to a certain extent.

Yeah, in general, finding a compatible mate is a HUMAN problem.

But as I struggle though my longest relationship ever, well, I'm finding some left over baggage that may or not be exclusively "gay".

I think all I want to say is that I'm frustrated by grown men acting like teenagers all the time, but to be perfectly honest, I probably sound like a lot of straight women.

<shrug>
I really have no idea.

[Nick9]

Hi and welcome to GS

Such an interesting post. I admit I don't entirely agree though

I know theres a lot of gay on gay hate out there, Ive been subjected to it all of my life, which is why I steer clear of any "gay" society in general. But from the years Ive been on this planet, talked too, seen, and heard people talking about this subject, Ive come to the conclusion that gay society makes it near impossible for any man or woman to find a mate of the same sex. Yes, there are "married" couples, but how do they find each other?

I think that can be said about straight people too. Or that it had been said many times, but I still don't think it's true. Some have problems, some don't but I wouldn't blame the society.

How did they get out of the stereotyped life of being "gay"?

That's interesting. Why do you think they have to get out of it?

gays are bombarded with brainwashing of being all muscles, being gorgeous, screwing everyone you come in contact with (all anonymous sex), sex junkies, drug junkies, fashion junkies, porn junkies, unable to have a reliable, stable relationship with any one person, etc...

hmm, really? Here at GS seems to be a lot of people (even young) who don't think that way.

People go out there expecting a Brad Pitt clone or Angelina Joie clone to fall instantly and madly in love with them. Why? Do they really, honestly think some supermodel type is just going to walk up and beg them to get married? Where the hell does this come from?

Someone really believes that? I read many posts here from people who were simply looking for a friend or someone who would love them. Only a few seemed to have a pretty good idea about how that person should look like.
On the other hand they probably didn't look for a life partner...

Im a human being, Im not perfect. Never have been, never will be. But I also know what is fantasy and what is reality. I would like to wake up one morning with Hugh Jackman there making me coffee and kissing me goodbye when I go to work. I also know that that will NEVER happen, and I definately dont live my life as if it is going to happen at any moment.
So why do so many do?

Perhaps from the similar reasons why you are thinking about Hugh? :biggrin:
Are you in love right now? I dare to guess not. Because you would probably dreamed about your boyfriend and Hugh would have to pack his bags...

When did it become a (gay) crime to just be a human being?

Who - apart from fanatics - says that?

I would love to find a decent man and settle down, but I know that will never happen.

Is that a result of that brainwashing you were talking about?

But I also know there some couples out there who have defied all of the BS and been together for years, if not most of their lives. What is thier secret? Why cant they share it with the rest of us?

They don't give up. They have sorted out what is really important for them and what is not. What they may not like, but can tolerate. They know that they want to live with that someone and are prepared and willing to work on the problems that are coming up all the time. They accept that Mr. Right has many flaws, just like they have

Why cant people just NOT believe all the BS, lies, and brainwashing thats going on? They whine and cry about not being able to find someone, but then turn right around and make life a living hell for someone else who doesnt live all the gay lies, BS, and brainwashing. And the more I keep seeing of gay culture in this country, the worse it gets. The lies, the hate, the BS.

If these people really want to find someone to love, then why not abandon the BS, lies, and brainwashing? Dont these people realize they are just killing themselves off and dragging everybody else with them?

You would make a good speaker you know? :biggrin:

so, tell us why do you believe the BS and think that you never find that decent man?

[Counselor]

Demonization of gay lifestyles has been going on for the last ninety years or so, possibly ballooning around WWII, when Hitler was executing homosexuals, breeding fear for gays the world over.
Everything since then has been propaganda, media depictions, religious views, and the advent of internet porn. Without these influences, it's likely the gay population would think of themselves as normal, giving, loyal people.

[AquaKnight]

Okay, so everyone seems to have come to the same conclusion that a lot of the issues pointed out in the original post are human flaws not flaws of gays.....vanity, lust, etc.... and that is very true but at the same time specifically looking at my personal experience with the gay male community we do tend to be very competitive when it comes to partnering.

In my experience with gay men we "compete".....there is a desire to want to look better and in turn find better looking partners.

I'm not saying these people aren't attracted to each other on deeper levels but the person you date becomes a reflection of yourself and you want it to be a good image. I don't think gay society makes it harder for us to find mates.....i think being ok with the "NORM" makes it harder for us to find mates.

We have grown into a culture where we want to emulate the look we would want in a partner....leading to a culture where we all strive to fit in a box so we can find others who fit in our desired box. This ideal of fairytales and perfection in relationships/mates has led us to this reality because no one wants to settle combined with physical perfection 9 times out of ten leads to failure....however i do feel we shouldn't have to when it comes to something as important as a partner but we should be flexible.

I think the issue is we think there will be that person who is "perfect" and it doesn't happen so we let go of really great people because we aren't satisfied. This leads us to a culture trend of short relationships and anonymous sex because even if people aren't dating they still want to get laid( i know i do).

[EvenOlderButWiser]

I agree with a lot of the comments posted so far, but I would just like to add one more thought.

I think that regardless of whether you're straight or gay, or the pressures of society around you, the simple fact is that we now live in a technology enabled world which makes it much easier to stray from any type of monogamous relationship.

Humans crave acceptance, companionship and (in most cases) sexual interactions. Its in the genes and always has been. If you think about the development of human kind over the past 1000 years for example, what has changed is the technology around us that enables/empowers us to act on these basic human requirements.

The ability to travel being the primary one up until the mid 20th century, and from then until now the ability to communicate effectively from a distance, by landline/mobile phone/SMS messages/eMail/Internet or the latest smartphone application that tells you the guy sitting 50 meters away from you is gay and looking for XYZ.....

A 1000 years ago you would probably live in a village of 100 people or so, only venturing outside the village to hunt for food (or fight a war) then return home. Your whole life revolved around the family unit and there was no opportunity to "stray" Monogamy was the only way to survive - although I accept that some cultures (in particular in Africa) multiple wives was the norm - but this was still an element of ensuring survival rather than physical need.

Once travel came along, the further away you could go from the family unit, but your genes still craved the companionship and sexual interaction, so you looked around for something/someone to fill the craving.

Oh how times have changed! Now, where's my smartphone.....



ObW
x

[Blue]

That still boils down to society in general. Why we thing we should look or act a certain way is all because that is what society tells us is right, good or desirable.

That is one point I'm glad for the internet on. If you don't do the sites that push for photos, you can meet a person and get to know who they are without ever knowing what they look like. You learn to appreciate then for who is inside, not the shell on the outside.

I learned a long time ago that the shell we wear as a body really doesn't matter, but, still it is impossible not to assess another's body when you talk face to face unless, you know the person well enough that the body doesn't matter to you.

Once you know the person foe WHO they are, fat, thin, hair, skin, disabilities, none of it matters, you find it's all okay because all of the extraneous stuff just happens to come with a really great person. Yes even the mental stuff in most cases won't detract form who someone is once you at least have some idea of who that is.

Now had I read a post like mine here when I was oh 18-30, I'd have told whoever posted it they were full of it, looks, fitness, mental baggage, all of that I thought was important. Guess what that got me in relationships? Failure! Yep every one failed because I let truly important things about who they were go in favor of my notions of this or that minor thing I thought mattered. hey it doesn't matter, if it fits in the what category, it makes no difference, only the who matters.

The whats will change as we age, that is inevitable. The who will grow but, the core of that will never change, the soul if you will and, that is the who we need to be looking at, getting to know and deciding if we love or not and, if so what kind of love we feel for them.

Sure we have to consider other things and decide if we are capable of dealing with those things on a day to day basis before we get into a relationship. I'm fine with nearly any of it, but others might not be able to handle this disability or that mental issue or, such and such disease on a day to day basis. Maybe you aren't willing to make the changes in your life that the other would really appreciate, that's fine, no one can adapt to everything but, I will tell you that making those changes and, dealing with those things gets a lot easier when you know who the person behind it all is and, love that person.