Need some in-site please

[dlboy53]

Hi all I will try to get to the point so its not to long winded here.

Well first off life has been busy and fun now that I have a good circle of gay friends to hang out with with one or two that are close friends now.

The shocker I did finally say something to my baptist pastier that I was gay, and even though the church on the whole does not know he still keeps me involved with thing even though it has been kind of awkward for me to be there.

Here is the thing about a month ago I meet this guy and we hit it out well or at lease I thought we did. We had been going strong for two weeks doing a variety of different thing which also included getting him accustomed to the new area. We talk about all kinds of things made plans for different events that where coming up and so on and so forth like we were a couple.Well about third week he was able to get a job and then things started to go down hill kept saying that he was tired which I believed then it turned to being sick and now he does not seem to even call or text. One of my friends told me that this was typical for the gay community on how they break of a relationship. So I'm asking the one that have had experiences with break ups if that is what I have to look forward to?

I guess I would rather be told that there was not there anymore then being strung out on a line. I would say that I feel hurt right now because I had fallen for him and now my feelings are dangling there with no closer.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

One of my friends told me that this was typical for the gay community on how they break of a relationship

Your friend has pretty much said it. It is typical, but that doesn't mean that its done to deliberately hurt you or with malice.

A lot of guys can't face the emotions that come with a break up, which can be 100% worse if you try and do it face to face. Their approach is to slowly turn the volume down, to let themselves and sometimes the other party get used to the idea that its over. Some guys don't even know how to break up amicably and just walk away not even trying to explain themselves.

The fact that you were his first contact in the community when he arrived, and he's now settling in and got a job means your role as his sponsor is over.

Perhaps theres an opportunity for some friendship (if thats what you want) Leave things a couple of weeks, then invite him for a coffee and catch up on how he's settling in.

ObW
x

[Nick9]

hi dlboy, nice to see you here again

I am sorry I don't have any advice for you though.

[rover330]

I don't know that it is more of a trend with two guys than it is with a guy and a girl, IMHO.

In my experience, guys are as awkward at breakups as they are with dealing with their own emotions.

I think, myself, that for whatever reason, if you're not ready for a relationship, you owe the person an explanation. If it's worth anything, there was a guy I cared for a lot who said he was going up to the store for a Mountain Dew and never came back... He could at least have said, look man, for whatever reason, this isn't working for me.

Chalk it up to experience and remember how it felt, don't ever do that to anyone...

[Geminize]

I'm in my first relationship with a guy, so I don't have much experience to go on here. I agree with others that most men have a difficult time expressing uncomfortable feelings. That could certainly lead to your friend just avoiding the situation instead of telling you what's going on for him.

If I were you, I'd make another attempt to communicate with him. I'd ask if I had done or said anything that made him feel uncomfortable with our friendship, and that I'd just like to hear from him so I know. If he didn't respond to that I'd be sad, but put it behind me.

Sorry you're hurting.

[rover330]

from my own personal experience this is one of many journies you will have my friend... have a feeling you will meet the person who is waiting for you. you just may have to go thru some bumps on the road on the way, or find your peace on your own.

you will probably be saying this to someone else many years down the road.

peace man.

[rover330]

I might add, it is even harder when you are in love with another guy, because we're not supposed to have those feelings.

Took me a long time to realize that if I liked other dudes, that doesn't make me a freak. It just makes me a gay man.

Don't ever let anyone tell you there is anything wrong with you, or that, at the right time, the person you are fated to be with will not be there.

Keep the faith dude.

[Rainbowmum]

Glad to see you back , I am sorry that you arr going through this heartbreak.
I wish I had advice for you but I do not.

[gayworld]

I agree that he is trying to blow you off and subliminally say that he does not feel the same anymore, but the one misconception I have with what your friend told you is that this is not the typical way for those who are gay to break up. I would think that this is inclusive for all those with no bearing on their personal lifestyles. There are straight people out there that would run from their problems and decisions rather then facing them head-on. This is not typical for "gays", but typical for those who are not strong enough to face their own problems.

I hope this helps.


Scott.

[princealbertofb]

I'm sorry, dl, that it had to end like this (if it really is ended) but somehow I think it may come from the fact that men are ill-equiped to talk about their feelings. I didn't really get the impression from your post that the relationship was over, but more that it was inconvenient for the moment as he settles into his new job and the area. Is it possible for you to text him or send him a note asking if the friendship/ relationship is over? It's obviously no good asking US what we think as we are not in your situation and don't have all the information that you have to go upon... I'd say he's needing the break to get settled. Or maybe he's the type who uses people until he's got what he wants. There are users out there, and they do know how to fool people. Sorry if his friendship for you was not genuine. Better luck next time. Take care, dl.