My relationship with my former wife is not very common. We have a lot of respect for each other, and we are both dedicated to our children. She had a brief experience with a same-sex relationship before our marriage, and I shared with her while we were married that I also felt attracted to men. We both have a number of LGBT friends. She has no problem with me being in a same-sex relationship now.
My kids and I have a great relationship, and I don't want that to change. They spend more time with me than with their mother. Just because I have a boyfriend doesn't mean I will be any less a father. I trust the love we share will override any discomfort, but I'm still nervous.
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Geminize Wrote:My relationship with my former wife is not very common. We have a lot of respect for each other, and we are both dedicated to our children. She had a brief experience with a same-sex relationship before our marriage, and I shared with her while we were married that I also felt attracted to men. We both have a number of LGBT friends. She has no problem with me being in a same-sex relationship now.
My kids and I have a great relationship, and I don't want that to change. They spend more time with me than with their mother. Just because I have a boyfriend doesn't mean I will be any less a father. I trust the love we share will override any discomfort, but I'm still nervous.
being nervous is understandable . but remember that if they do freak out , they probably just need time to get used to the idea . they might also be pissed off that they didn't know already , so telling them sooner rather than later will probably benefit everyone ~
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Geminize Wrote:We both have a number of LGBT friends.
Hi 
does this mean your kids know your friends too?
I agree with Megumi, if the kids see that their mother is ok with you living with a bf, half the battle is won. Because they won't see the need to take sides and "help the weaker partner" in your relationship.
You may also consider introduce them to your bf before you come out. Although it would mean that you needed introduce him just as a friend...
Good luck
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I came out to my kids when they were quite young. Two girls 8 and 11. That was 10 years ago, and honestly they were completely unfazed by it. In fact their only questions revolved around whether I was "friends" with a UK popstar who was openly gay LoL.
Peoples sexuality is pretty much a non issue these days, and at their age Im sure they will be fine with it. As others have said just make sure they understand that your new bf wont get in the way with their relationship with you.
The first time mine stayed stayed with partner present brought us both breakfast in bed
Good luck!
ObW
x
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OlderButWiser Wrote:Peoples sexuality is pretty much a non issue these days,
I think many of our US members would unfortunately say otherwise.
OlderButWiser Wrote:The first time mine stayed stayed with partner present brought us both breakfast in bed
awww, that's sweet
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I'm currently in the same situation and I'm working together with their mother to tell my kids 7 & 12. I'm being doing research, they first said that I have to introduce it as two people that love each other no matter the genre and there is nothing right or wrong about it, preferably that their mother and father be in the conversation, that I must tell them to be cautious to whom they are telling this at school to avoid bullying or homophobia against them.
Another thing that I have read is that coming out to my children will trigger a intensive questioning about their sexuality and thanks God I'm Gay so I won't tell them about all the crap that ignorant people talk. I'm still working when and how I will come out to them.
Good Luck
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tell your child while you two are driving. You more got his or her un divided attention. being bi or gay is not a religion, avoid preaching. Make sure they are in the right space to hear what your are saying. Affirm you are still the same person.
being in a relationship, gay or straight is about sharing your life with someone, difficult to do while in the closet.
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Geminize Wrote:Thanks for the thoughtful responses! I will probably tell each of my kids 1-on-1 so they can have their own reactions without the other there.
I will not include my ex in this conversation. This is my own business and what happens next is between me and my children. I'm sure she will check in with them afterwards and have her own conversation about it (which I welcome).
My main concern is that my kids are at an age when they are just starting their own sexual awareness. In reality, what better time could there be? If they were younger, it would be harder to understand. If they were older, they may have a more difficult time assimilating the news with their own beliefs and experience. I am very curious to see how they will adjust to being around my boyfriend. I suspect they will like him, and it may be awkward at first.
The question is, Geminize, does your boyfriend like children? If he does, they will like him.  mile: I know I do.
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Geminize Wrote:My relationship with my former wife is not very common. We have a lot of respect for each other, and we are both dedicated to our children. She had a brief experience with a same-sex relationship before our marriage, and I shared with her while we were married that I also felt attracted to men. We both have a number of LGBT friends. She has no problem with me being in a same-sex relationship now.
My kids and I have a great relationship, and I don't want that to change. They spend more time with me than with their mother. Just because I have a boyfriend doesn't mean I will be any less a father. I trust the love we share will override any discomfort, but I'm still nervous.
Love your message, Geminize, and good for you! You will be a great father to them, I'm sure. It's not who you love as a partner that decides whether you're a good father to your kids or not. It's how much time and love you bestow on them that counts.
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Bricg1970 Wrote:I'm currently in the same situation and I'm working together with their mother to tell my kids 7 & 12. I'm being doing research, they first said that I have to introduce it as two people that love each other no matter the genre and there is nothing right or wrong about it, preferably that their mother and father be in the conversation, that I must tell them to be cautious to whom they are telling this at school to avoid bullying or homophobia against them.
Another thing that I have read is that coming out to my children will trigger a intensive questioning about their sexuality and thanks God I'm Gay so I won't tell them about all the crap that ignorant people talk. I'm still working when and how I will come out to them.
Good Luck
Well, good luck to you too,Bricg.  , I don't think it'll be difficult. The twelve year old may be a little more concerned than the 7-year old, but s/he's not quite an adolescent yet, so try to fit that conversation in pretty soon, eh?
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