What do you do when you're lonely?

[posterpicture]

So.. I'm 28 years old, never had a boyfriend or real relationship.. and sometimes I get this overwhelming feeling of loneliness. I currently live in a small town.. with very few LGBT people that I know of... and online dating has been fairly bad. I normally stay positive, but sometimes I get down.. especially at night.. and I almost temporarily lose hope in believing that I'll ever find someone for me =\. I'm disabled.. so it makes it harder.. and like I said, online dating sites have been terrible.. seems everyone is just after the best looks.

What do you do when you're lonely? I tend to write.. but lately it hasn't helped much.. and I've been trying to cover it up with drinking.. which doesn't really help either.. nor is it healthy. Any insight or suggestions? Can anyone relate? Right now I just feel so down.. out of nowhere, and I really hate it.

Thanks..

One advice escape from that town. No hope there.

Instead of complaining, do something FOR yourself instead.
I normally work out, read, learn or cook something for myself.

[Nick9]

I think half the problem with people who are lonely is that they are uncomfortable with themselves. Getting to like yourself can be a big step toward turning lonely into just being alone.

So if you have any 'issues' you might want to start working on those and getting yourself to the point where you can enjoy being around you without feeling like you need someone else to make you happy.

Happiness is something we can give ourselves - some of us do have to work real hard to do that.

Happiness can get bigger when shared But, yes... sometimes, not often, I feel happy and alone and it's a special feeling. Like a touch of angel's wings. Very heartwarming, but completely different from the happiness from being with someone.

I've heard somewhere that people seek partners to have witnesses of their lives There are too many people on the Earth and they usually care just for themselves and the closest family. By standing by your side, your closest friends say - your life matters, I am interested in what you are saying, doing, what you have accomplished and what your dreams are.

Some of us are strong enough to know that their life matters. For some of us it's easier to have the witnesses who would assure them from time to time. It doesn't need to be a life partner, close friends are good too.

[Tyrion]

Thanks everyone for your suggestions . As others have mentioned, music also helps me. If I'm awake, i'm normally listening to music.. so it's a huge part of my life, and probably one of the few things, along with writing that keeps me sane.

Generally speaking though, I'm fine being alone. I'm a fairly independent person, and I wouldn't say I'm uncomfortable with myself, I just occasionally get down because of my situation (which is 28 years old and still no relationship). Normally I keep myself busy.. and I'm good, but every now and then, when I'm alone in my house at night I start dwelling on things and feel down.

I've been feeling better since I posted this though. Once I get out of school and get on my feet.. hopefully I can get out of this town, as poster suggested. I enjoy where I live.. but.. not much of a lgbt scene at all.. if any.. lol.

[Counselor]

One advice escape from that town. No hope there.

I rather like Port Angeles, myself. That Art Hike is fascinating.

[Marc]

Masturbate... maybe...

[UrbanBookworm]

Throw myself into an activity...if I'm too emotionally distracted then a simple physical activity. It's like meditation. And exercise with sauna also releases endorphins as well as a tiredness that can drive away loneliness..I especially like it when a cat kneads my sore abs after (pets are also good for loneliness, btw).

Other than that, throwing myself into a project I think important. And that has an added side effect of making you more attractive to others, btw.

Same here. I find something to do. Whenever I'm feeling any negative emotion, I go do something. Sometimes I just clean the house... the thing is, finding something else to do distracts me and causes me to calm down about whatever is bothering me. Then I'll be better emotionally-suited to solve my problems.

[AquaKnight]

Keeping active physically, mentally and sexually are alway positive ways to channel stress or anxiety. I like to workout and run but you have to find the things that appeal to you. Maybe a sport or exercise classes? For mental stimulation I like to read, blog to channel my thoughts, and video games work surprisingly well. Exploring sexuality even solo helps. Educating yourself on different practices and regular masturbation really help. You just have to find the things that bring you joy....and honestly a relationship might make you happy but it won't help to balance out your life if anything it will complicate it more if you aren't secure in how to be happy solo

[CoffeeBean85]

MUSIC! When I'm feeling moody or down, I put on some Beyonce and sing my lungs out until the neighbors call the cops on me. But on a more serious note, I can somewhat empathize as I've never had a boyfriend or a relationship. Especially around December, when Christmas is near. Living in the big city, I constantly see couples holding hands and being all happy, makes me a bit envious. I know it sounds a bit cliche, but they say love comes when the time is right...or something like that. There is a special someone for everybody out there. We just haven't found them yet.

[Hayden]

Thanks everyone for your suggestions . As others have mentioned, music also helps me. If I'm awake, i'm normally listening to music.. so it's a huge part of my life, and probably one of the few things, along with writing that keeps me sane.

Generally speaking though, I'm fine being alone. I'm a fairly independent person, and I wouldn't say I'm uncomfortable with myself, I just occasionally get down because of my situation (which is 28 years old and still no relationship). Normally I keep myself busy.. and I'm good, but every now and then, when I'm alone in my house at night I start dwelling on things and feel down.

I've been feeling better since I posted this though. Once I get out of school and get on my feet.. hopefully I can get out of this town, as poster suggested. I enjoy where I live.. but.. not much of a lgbt scene at all.. if any.. lol.

I hear you about the night time thing. I'm in a similar situation (never had a relationship, no lgbtq+ scene, usually fine being alone). I went through a period of about six months in which I would get regularly depressed when the sun fell because for some reason I would start to dwell on everything that's wrong. It's a terrible place to be in. I was extremely isolated at the time due to allowing my own mild social phobias get the better of me and pushing anyone close to me away because I thought I'd be better off without them (stupid me).

The thing that got me out of the funk was initiating a drastic change in my day to day affairs. I quit my soul-devouring job and decided to go back to school. The first two weeks of school were terrifying for me because I had spent so much time locked up inside my house (so many people!). But after that went away, so did my depression and the panic attacks I was starting to get at night.

I don't know if any of this is helpful, I may just be doing a lot of projecting here, but here's what I'm trying to say through all this babbling: the thing that helped me was violently forcing myself to spend more time around people. I love my time by myself, but too much isolation and loneliness can drive you absolutely batshit.

Good luck, good sir.