So, its not like it sounds but I have a friend that like to sort of punch me mildly on the chest every once and a while if we are out drinking. It's not super heavy like he wants to really hurt me, but it's not exactly a light tap. Kind of like he is trying to be hyper butch. As far as I know, he is not a violent guy. I have met some of his friends around town and no one has ever spoken bad about him.
One time he sort of apologized the day later about "getting out of hand" and I just sort of brushed it off as no big deal. He is kind of muscular bearish guy even though he dose not identify himself that way. Is this his idea of flirting? Is he trying to show me he is butch, is he super kinky? He is in a relationship and so am I. Also think he has a mild crush on me. I am confused, is he angry, flirting, just acting like a dude, why do you think he dose this?
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Just give him a manly punch right back. (Not to the face of course and laugh like it's a joke.)
Kind of like a kid that touches a hot stove when the mother says 'That's hot don't touch it.' And the kid touches it anyway and gets burnt.
Maybe it'll be a lesson for him.
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Violence is violence and considering he mentioned that he is out of control, I would say that your friend has been there before.
There is nothing flirty about it , unless you are both eight years old and he is pulling your pigtails.
A lot of abusive relationships start off with the abuser pushing the envelope , finding out what he can get away with.
Do not become anyone's door mat , you deserve better.
Please heed my advice on this one , run ,don't walk , get as far away from this man as fast as possible.
There is never , ever, any room for violence in a relationship, there is never an excuse for it ,and unless it is a case of defense it can never be justified.
Please do not think you can change him , you cant and whats more he does not want to.
You can and deserve better.
If punching is a form of flirting it would not be seen as abuse.
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RockerBlocks Wrote:Just give me a manly punch right back. (Not to the face of course and laugh like it's a joke.)
Kind of like a kid that touches a hot stove when the mother says 'That's hot don't touch it.' And the kid touches it anyway and gets burnt.
Maybe it'll be a lesson for him.
You know, I never thought about doing that. Stupid I know, but that not behavior I have ever run into before so it always catches me off guard.
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Rainbowmum Wrote:Violence is violence and considering he mentioned that he is out of control, I would say that your friend has been there before.
If punching is a form of flirting it would not be seen as abuse.
I have never been in a relationship where I have been physically abused, so I dont feel like a victim. But you might have a point about it going there.
I dont know about the flirting take on it. Some segments of the gay population are into sudo aggressive behavior, wrestling, BDSM etc. Im wondering if he is trying to test the waters with me to see how I react or if he is just showing off trying to be butch. He likes to look like a tough guy in photos, but he is a puppy dog in real life. One friend of his said he was the sickest guy he knows in the bedroom, said it in front of him,... and no denial.
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I wouldn't put up with it. A punch is a punch weather done in jest or in violence. I wouldn't retaliate, I would just glare at him and walk away taking up the issue when you are both sober.
I would say it is a sign of affection as well as a sign of dominance, but that makes it no more acceptable.
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You can always give him a "manly/butch" kick to the balls and apologize later for "getting out of hand".
Unfortunately, I don't know the guy. I have friends that would gladly punch me playfully, and some that would punch me in earnest. I think it depends on his personality.
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dfiant Wrote:I would say it is a sign of affection as well as a sign of dominance, but that makes it no more acceptable.
I think you are on to something. He has made half joking sexual innuendos to me where he would be in that position. But I think he is flirty with everyone when he cocktailed so I cant tell.
The situation is complicated because he is in a relationship and we are two couples that hang out, travel together etc. Not just a stray friend. Dont want to loose friends over me just acting like a little girl or blowing something out of proportion.
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Unfortunately we live in a society where it is perfectly ok, if not actually highly recommended that two men step in to a ring and beat the crap out of each other. And we will all but lynch two men who dare to be kind, gentle or hold hands or kiss.
Acceptable male contact is mostly violent: shoulder slapping, play punching, chest bumping, the harder and the more bounce you get the better it seems. These are all acceptable in our society and are displays of male appreciation for another male.
Women on the other hand can hold hands, kiss, hug and all sorts of other gentle things to show general affection.
I have no idea what his sexual orientation is thus I do not know how comfortable he is with remotely gay things. This may be his way to say 'I like you' without falling prey to being a victim of a sick society that doesn't allow males to demonstrate strong like and weak love with things like caresses, cheek kisses and hugs.
If he is showing this affection to you more than others, chances are he loves you - this doesn't mean he is in love with you. When drunk he may be trying to show his affection for you without coming off as if he wants you babies. There are many forms of love, unfortunately if a man says 'I love you' to another man it is immediately considered eros kind of love (sexual) and not familia (family) or Philia/philos friendly - the Greeks had 4 basic words for love, they far better understood the vast differences that love manages than their English speaking counterparts of the 21st century.
When drunk, people tend to lose some control over themselves and allow themselves to do and express things they usually don't. He is most likely trying to express his feelings and just doesn't know a safe way to do it, thus relies on stereotypical 'male expressions' to get his point across.
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I had a boyf of 3 years, he hit me once, he was out the door minutes later. Harsh but right in my book.
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Friend hits me when he is drunk?
