help idk what to do

[Alectm]

Hey,
I'm stuck in a relationship and i dont know what to do.

The back ground: i am in the closet and play high school football. I knew that i was bi but never told anyone. Well 3 months ago i started dating one of my best girl friends. We have known eachother sense elementary school. She is currently in love with me and her family can't get enough of me.

THE PROBLEM: about 4 weeks ago i found out that one of my best guy friends that plays football with me is gay and in a relationship. A couple days after i found out i decided to tell him that i was bi. (He is best friends with my girlfriend) i also talk with his boyfriend (as a friend) so they are the only people who know about me. We had a bonfire at my house one night (me and my gf and him and his bf and another friend) after a couple days i started to realize that i liked the relationship they had more. (I have always liked guys more but my current gf is the only gf i have had)

i watched some videos on youtube and can to understanding with my self that i am gay and i dont really want to be in the relationship im currently in. I want to come out to more of my friends becuase i am tired of staying in the closet and not being able to live a happy life.

The real issue is that my gf is my best friend and her father is in the hospital dieing from cancer. And my gay best friend from before recintly came out to her and it was hard for her to take but she is still best friends. I know that if i tell her now she will go on a down hill spiral into nothing but if i wait i have the risk of her growing to attached and it will be even harder.

We haven't had sex but i know she is ready and i have heard from other friends that she is ready when i am.. well yeah. So i always know that is in the trees looking down. And most recently the gay best friend broke of with his bf today. And getting with him would be nice. But idk if it would happen.

If anyone accually read this then thank you so much!!! Idk what to do and any advice would be great!!

[djharris79]

Speaking from experience. In college I had this girl who I knew was into me. I was still in denial with myself so at a party we hooked up. She instantly was clinging to me every single day. I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I put up with her for about two weeks, but I felt trapped. I knew that If I continued this it will cause even more pain to her than if I broke off things earlier. Therefore, I broke up with her. Yes, she was devastated and hurt. But it was for the better. She found another guy and the last time I saw her she was happily married and she even had a kid. So all I can say is be true to yourself. I can understand the circumstances that you are in right now being that she is going through some difficult time, but I'm sure you'll see a way to make it as easy for both of you, if you no longer want to be in a relationship you are in, you should end it as soon as possible rather than wait till later. The longer you wait, the harder it gets. It'll hurt, believe me it is not easy, but things will get better.

Best of luck.

[megumidesu]

you definitely need to break up with her. staying with her when you're (essentially) lying to her about your feelings is completely unfair on her .

she doesn't need a boyfriend to support her while her father is in hospital . she needs a friend . you can be that for her while being honest with her ~

good luck ~

[Counselor]

People are not so predictable. You might think you've brought the apocalypse, but unless you are the only thing she ever needs and wants, you won't destroy her. Give her some credit.

[ManicReptile21]

You need to break up with her. Don't be a bitch and lie to her because if her father dies and you pop out extremely late that you are breaking up with her because you're gay. she'll be a wreck. You need to explain to her you're gay and then you need to tell her you'll be there for her only if she wants you to be. that decision is on her then. dont take the burden of the silent protagonist. You aren't saving anyone so dont try to be a hero. you need to get real. tell her the truth no one will think any less of you if you back out now. they will talk the talk if you disappear after her father dies. you want some respect by the end of this you better come out clean before the curtains are drawn and showtimes over,

[Blue]

Honesty is best. Be honest with her, break up but, let her know you will be there as a best friend. Who knows she might turn out to be your gal pal (fag hag).

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Hey Alectm and to the GS forum.

Well you have certainly got yourself into a bit of a corner, but the good news is that you've recognised that things are not right, you've accepted that your gay, and you've already come out to a friend.

Phew!.... thats a lot to do in the space of a few days, so congratulations you for handling things so calmly so far

Now about the gf challenge.

As others have said - and I think you realise this otherwise you would not be here - you need to let her down as gently as possible, without significantly increasing the emotional pressure she is already under.

The best thing you can do is find somewhere quiet where you wont be disturbed and your out of sight of anyone else.

You explain to her as gently as possible the situation you find yourself in. You can open the conversation around your mutually gay friend, and work the conversation around to yourself.

Its important that you are completely honest with her, and make her feel that your taking her into your confidence about the situation. Its also important (assuming you want this) to make sure she knows that she is your closest girl friend, and that you're telling her because its the right thing to do, you don't want her to hear it from anyone else, and because you want her to know that you will be around to support her emotionally (i.e. Dad situation) whenever she needs it.

Its going to be emotional, for both of you. Make sure you've got some tissues in your pocket, and offer her one if needed.

The goal here is to help her understand why you're telling her now, ensure she doesn't think its something she's done, and leave better friends than you would ever have been had you hidden everything from her.

Just one small word of caution. She may in turn tell her best friend about you, who may in turn tell their best friend. Before long its all around the school, including the football team. You need to be prepared for that.

You may get some hassle from individuals, but you will get absolute respect if you hold you're head high and make it a complete non issue as far as your concerned. Remember being gay is just a part of you, it doesn't define who you are. Don't let other people tell you otherwise.

Good luck, and don't forget the forum is here to help you get though this if needed.

ObW
x

[Rainbowmum]

Hello Alec welcome to G.S.

First of all , calm down and breath.
Now , I am not going to tell you to break up with her , you already know what's the right thing to do.
Living a lie is never easy especially when you are lying to two of your best friends , her and yourself.

That being said ,also keep in mind that being Bi does not give you the right to date two people at the same time. (I know you are not)

I am not sure you yourself are ready for a serious relationship and the responsibilities that come with it. You are 16 years old , give yourself a break.
Sweetie if you are not happy ,you cannot make someone else happy.

You deserve to be the best person you can be, not the lie others are expecting.

As for your friends relationship with his boyfriend , the grass is always greener until you climb over and see the weeds, in other words what you see on the surface is not what it may be behind closed doors.

I would not advice you to jump into an another relationship straight away.
You are still exploring your sexuality that is 100% natural and you do not need the weight of a full blown relationship on your shoulders.

Remember honesty is always the best policy.

We are all here for you.