A nervous newcomer!

[Harpist]

Hi, How to introduce myself... Hmmm.... Well, this is the first time I have contacted any one out there about my feelings and next year will be my 60th birthday and I feel maybe it's not too late to look at how I feel/don't feel.

I have been married twice, in a straight marriage, and am still married after 28 years of living really as brother/sister (well, on my part anyway!) I have had several 'encounters' shall we say, with women over the years but no lesbian relationship. I have found several women really attractive - I cannot bear being touched by my husband.

He acknowleges I am probably Bi but I think I maybe lesbian. I'm not sure really why I am contacting this site. Confusion, maybe I no longer wish to feel resigned to this sexless existance of self-doubt and guilt that I cannot give my husband what he wants physically. It's not that I'm 'getting on' a bit because I haven't wanted to sleep with him for years and years. We saw a psycho-sexual counsellor which helped for a while, but that was 10 years ago. Another decade has passed...

Because I've never opened up like this to ANYONE, this is actually a very big deal for me. Thank you for listening/reading/being there.

[megumidesu]

heyhey , welcome

[Counselor]

Welcome to the forum, Harpist!

[princealbertofb]

Hello, Harpist, and to GaySpeak. I think it is refreshing to think that people our age (ok I'm only 53, but... getting there) can still come out and try to seek what is their intrinsic truth. I'd like to say that, well, maybe you are a lesbian. Have you felt romantic connections with some of the women you've talked about?

You know how they say that 60 is the new 40, and so I think there's still a bit of a lease of life left for you to explore that ''different'' attraction.

Yes, you are right, it is a big deal to start writing about it all, and yes, it is a big deal to come out, even on a forum like this. I think I can say that we are glad you joined us. I'm not a woman but I daresay some of the things you'll have experienced will still ring true to us and coincide with some of our experiences. There are some women on the site too, who will help inform you more.

What about your husband, who is more like a sibling? What's going to happen to him? Have you given him leave to start looking for something with someone else? Are you thinking of a separation of divorce, or just an amiable contract to start living your lives as you see fit, while still sharing a home?

Does all this scare you? Or are you now suddenly feeling free from some of the fetters that have kept you strung to a relationship that wasn't quite meant for you?

Take care, Harpist.

By the way, if you are a harpist (what a lovely instrument!), my late brother was a harpist too... I love that instrument and miss his playing.

[Bookworm]

Hello Harpist,

[Geminize]

Welcome, Harpist! It's never too late to look at how you feel.

[Dan1980]

Hi welcome to the forum.

[bobolamian]

Same feelings to me anyway, I think it is a good start.

[chillythoughts]

hello harpist... never too late to come out. its pleasant to see people come to their correct mind frame and know what they are before its too late... sorry if Ive gone too far on that one. but welcome.

[ThatRobGuy]

Congrats on finding the courage to make this post and being honest with yourself about your feelings! It's always a big step admitting that you have these feelings and accepting them.

I wouldn't look at this as "coming out" so much as a desire to live a happy, fulfilling life where things feel "right." You are never too old to want to be happy and, while 28 years is a long time to be married, I feel like you'd actually be doing your husband a favor by leading the life that makes you happy so that he can potentially find someone who wants a married/romantic life with him. This is, of course, your decision to make along with your husband, but it doesn't sound like this is a marriage you really want any part in at this point.

Thanks for your post!