Eye Contact

[MisterTinkles]

Eye contact is basically the same as "body language". Just because someone is looking in your direction, doesnt mean they are actually looking at you....unless its obvious. Ive made the mistake of thinking someone was looking at me and just staring, and I call them out as being rude, and they say they were looking at what was behind me or going on behind me. Takes a LOT to embarass me, but THIS usually embarrasses the hell outta me!

Like body language, the eye and the eye area convey messages. Like Mr. Spock raising an eyebrow and then giving a piercing glance....you know that look and what it means. (well, if you like Star Trek).

I dont like people just blatantly staring at me. No expression on their face at all. It creeps me out. And I REALLY hate it when kids do it. That tells me thier parents cant be bothered to teach them any manners.
Its rude, its hateful, its annoying, and its on the verge of harrassment (depending on what state your in).

If you are walking down the hall and a guy looks at you and gives you "the nod", then you know he's just saying HI.

On the other hand, if a guy looks at you and smiles a naughty smile....well, he's probably interested...or just a player.

I was brought up to look at someone when they are speaking to you (meeting eyes at least once during the conversation). This is basic common courtesy. It shows you are listening to what they are saying and have respect for the fact that you have involved yourself in a conversation with them.

I have always been taught, if someone cant look you in the eye when speaking to you, then they are up to no good or did something bad.

[MikeMG]

I cant believe no one has mentioned this yet. You are talking about crusing. Gay men do this all the time, its along stare where neither party breaks way. Kind of like being a spy.

If you walk by a guy who is straight, normally he might look at you to size you up as a friend or another dude. This takes only a few seconds. In that case, its just acknowledging you are there or in their way. But, if he keeps staring at you, and you keep staring back, its usually a sign that you are both gay and sending that message. Now it may mean he is also interested in you, or it may just mean he was scanning the room to see if there were any other gay people around. If you pass each other and you both turn around for a second look, BINGO! If he tries to start up a conversation, fallows you around, smiles silently those are all good signs he is sending you he likes you.

If you are very out at school and everyone knows your gay, it could also be a lot of guys who are not out yet trying to send you that message that they are gay also. But then, they might not want to be able to talk about it or maybe want you to make the first move.

I must admit, this can be a little distracting at gay parties. Everyone is checking everyone out. I am kind of shy so when I make eye contact, I usually divert them in another direction so as to not send that message.

If you have a boyfriend, you really should not cruse other guys, its kind of like flirting.

This is probably why a lot of people say they couldnt tell I was gay at first. I dont do the whole gay crusing thing. Some men do it all the time. They dont even realize they are doing it.

Now that I think about it, probably leftover from another time where everyone was in the closet. But its still goes on all the time. Bars, Stores, Restaurants, everyone I go I can find a gay friends.

It's really like one of the main sources of Gaydar. But not everyone plays.

[scorpiorupio]

Great post. I have a friend where we always engage in direct eye contact. He typically smiles a lot and always stares at me in a very concentrated way. I was never sure if it meant anything or if he was simply showing signs that he was engaging in a conversation and showing respect.

What do you think?

I feel like we overlook or get ahead of ourselves when it comes to various forms of communications.

[sillyboy86]

I went through different phases of eye contact, and very often my attitude depends on the person in front of me.
A strange thing that happens to me is that eye contact can make me lose my concentration, because I look eye colors etc.
Now I use eye contact only with people with I have a lot of confidence, but typically only when we are talking about something really important.
With other people I find the eye contact annoying and possibly embarassing. I wasn't shy in the past... :-(

[stu]

I've never really understood the eye contact thing - what your supposed to do or not do. I know different cultures have different rules and it could be considered rude to look someone in the eye if your from a certain culture.

Someone told me you should never look a dog in the eye as they perceive it to be aggression. Although when I tested the theory out I got no responsed from said dog.