Need Advice...older guy in terrible crush on younger guy

[SolemnBoy]

First of all, age difference doesn't have to be a problem. And in my opinion, this entire thread has over-analyzed this person way too much based on indications in your post or even assumptions. Although I agree that he does sound like he's in need of some support, a little bit lost etc. it's never a good idea to assume things like "oh he has a daddy complex".

In the end, I don't really know. It wouldn't be immoral for you to make a move or anything. You're the only person in actual contact with the guy, which means you're the only one who can try to read him. If you decide that romantic developments would be bad or traumatizing for him, then don't do anything. If you feel like he might want something like that, then do something about it.

I really don't know, I just made this post to tell you not to base your decision on what other people have assumed about your crush - you know him, we don't. At all

[Jimmied]

Thank you solemnboy. I appreciate everyone's input. It helps me see perspective, and the points which don't apply I ignore. I will be seeing him tomorrow afternoon. I have decided to just tell him how I have been feeling as of late. I will keep it very simple and direct and light. If he is not interested. I will ask him to give me a chance and a little time to move past that so we can remwin friends. If I am lucky, lol, I will just go from there. I guess its the initial stress of disclosing feelings that's hard for me in this situation. we'll see.

[Counselor]

If his past behavior and attitude towards you are any indication if his character, I don't think he will have a problem hearing you've developed a bit of a crush. It's possible he'll thank you, even. But I completely sympathize with the stress, especially if you've tried to keep it to yourself after all the mixed signals and confusing background. Yet again, truth wins out.

[Nick9]

To tell the truth, I wouldn't tell him. It is possible that you will put all the stress you have been feeling on him. Because now he will be the one to make the decision.

I would give him all the support he needs and I am comfortable to give, and I would stay his friend and maybe wait for his possible move.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Seems to me that you really need to take this back to basics, and as someone suggested earlier, perhaps its time to sit down and have a serious talk 1-2-1. You can open the discussion with the mixed signals he's given, and perhaps mention that your not sure how to read them. He already knows your gay, so the discussion shouldn't come as a shock to him.

The one thing you don't mention is if he is still a coworker. If he is, just be wary of any work related implications of moving onto a more physical relationship with him.

And as everyone else has said, don't worry about the age thing between you, It really doesn't make a difference, at least not yet. How others may perceive you is however something else...

to the forum by the way

ObW
X

[Jimmied]

We only worked a seasonal job at the end of the year. So we are no longer employed together. I was planning today for THE TALK but he might be busy...just want to get it over with. Thank u all so much for the varied support.

[Rainbowmum]

I hate to say this but from what I have read ,I have a feeling that he is using you.

[Jimmied]

No he is not using me. I decided tonight I will not tell him. He began telling me about a girl he's really interested in and also told me about a gay sexual experience he had last night. I will remain his friend and be there strictly as a friend and just get over my feelings. This would just be too much drama. I care for him but this would just be insanity for me.

[George]

Jimmied sorry to tell but i really belive what Rainbowmum said before it mihgt be true.

Untill your last post everything was fine... You should just stand by him and be his father/role model and that whould be really good for him...

But really?! Last night he had a gay sexual experience which apparently doesnt make him gay and in the same time he's telling you (a gay man who have sleep right next to him) about a girl that he fancy?! It doesnt really make any sense and ADHD or anything else cannot excuse it.
You should move to an honest 1-2-1 talk.

[Jimmied]

Two weeks ago tonight, while he again platonically spent the night, I went ahead and told him how I felt. He said he had an idea this was the case. He said he didn't feel the same, but that I am so important to him that this wouldn't hurt the friendship. This made me feel better and I told him I would just need a little time to realign my feelings and to be patient. A few days later he had his final thing with the other guy and stopped talking to him. He is now seeing the girl he likes. I am glad for this. However, I do feel I've strained the friendship. He gets very short tempered with me....I try to not spend as much time with him right now because its been very difficult for me. After I told him my feelings, for about 24 hours I felt good. Then for two days I was extremely angry at him, though I knew it was a phase of the rejection...nevertheless we would bicker. Its hard to tell if it was originating from me or him. But it was making me think as drastically as dropping the friendship. A couple days later we were back to normal...I really like his new girlfriend, and as I stated her entrance into the picture is helping me to get past the romantic feelings I have for him. But this is still so hard for me working through. Some days I'm fine, others I'm a wreck. And I still find a lot of my thoughts and attention floating to him. And I want it to stop. Whatever...just needed to post. Today is one of the sad days...mixed with anxiety and apathy. I can't wait to be free of this annoying thing. I will say though I feel I did the right thing. Now its just a matter of time to see if this very young friendship will continue or be short-lived.