Do you refrain from going to family functions too, because...

[ChadCoxRox]

Will I be the next in the family to marry? "Only if I find the right man!!!" Now go have a deviled egg and a mug of cheer.

[Mike]

Before I was out, I just always gave vague answers. "Do you have a girlfriend yet"? "Nope". But then again I've never really been close with any of my extended relatives except an aunt and uncle, so I didn't care if I lied to them or not. I guess my best advice is to go with ur gut. What will make u happier: telling them and having ur mom pissed at you or not telling them and keeping ur mom happy?

Well, I'm not close with them either. I feel being out is a progress for a gay man. When I lie to them, I feel bad, not because of the lying, but because my lie means I'm doing something wrong, when I'm not! This is my life and I would be so relieved, if everybody finally knew about me.

How has being out affected you?
How are you around them?

[Mike]

I would literally kill to have a relationship with my family that would allow me the opportunity to have such an insignificant fight over something as silly as ones sexual orientation over the holidays.

I would gladly welcome the chance to stay in the closet to keep a loving mother from fainting or whatever over finding out I'm gay.

To me your reason really pales in comparison, in fact it is pretty childish. Sorry, that is how I see it. You most likely have to be me to understand that.

Oh, my God, you're killing me here. I just can't stop my tears from falling down. Oh, man, I wish you were here - I'd hug you and hold you and kiss your cheeks and tell you how I am sorry to hear what you've gone through, my friend.

You happened to be born into the wrong family, my friend. I am so sorry to hear this. This puts things in perspective. Any chance you live in Israel? - I'd love to talk to you face-to-face. Maybe I can be a good friend to you and - who knows, maybe I can be like a family to you. I hope I'm not overreacting. I have to know, my friend, how's your life these days?

Let me just tell you - you have to surround yourself with people who care about you, you have to find that guy who adores you. You have to have another chance at a sane family.

Please PM me your Skype ID.

Oh, my God, the things this whole thing must have done to your head. I know about childhood-grief, believe me, I know about it. I could write an entire encyclopedia about it!
Just PM me your Skype ID please.

[Mike]

to a Single Gay Man in Tel Aviv (Israel); you got cultural differences, deal with them.

Cultural differences?
What's that got to do with anything?

[Mike]

I get asked that too, usually followed by "I'm going to pray you find a good wife", and I always want to add "with a big penis" I still go to family functions though, we are a pretty close family which makes me feel kind of guilty sometimes when I hear about all the other family horror stories.

LOL!

So, how do you handle it? Do you just suck it up? Do you have a plan? Are you planning to get out any time soon?

[Mike]

Since I'm over a thousand miles away (over 2,000 km) away it's really just not that much of an issue. But in the summer of 2011 I did get confronted on how I was 28 and not yet married or with children by an Aunt who was on her third husband with kids by each one (others pretty much backed her, however). Given the intense heat I was cranky and snarkily asked her advice roughly saying, "As many times as you've done it you must be an expert." I think she almost got violent with me. Maybe she would've if I hadn't braced myself with the attitude of "Bring it."

I think my family knows deep down but they don't want to deal with it...and I don't force them to. I've always been independent anyway, and as I say I'm so far away, so it's no big for me.

I had a dream once that made me laugh on waking up: I was visiting family and they took me out to a restaurant where they then introduced me to the man they wanted me to marry to have kids as I was supposed to. I pretended to be happy, excited, and accepting, but slipped away the first chance I got to catch a train back to California thinking, "So long, suckers."

LOL!
That's a good one.

So, would you say you have a nasty family?
A "bitchy" family?

[Mike]

Im not out to any of my family. They are very religious and non accepting of gay people at all. Also my crazy asshole of a grandpa believes that all gay men are pedophiles and it pisses me off beyomd comprehension. But i shy away from family functions because i know my extended family would disown me the second they found out, and that upsets me, so i dont hang out with them

WOW - for me it's also part of it - I think they wouldn't be supportive, and that's putting it mildly.
I do want to confront them. I am geared up for it.
I wish I could raise a toast with a smile on my face and say: "Well, my sweet family, I am gay. Anyone who accepts this is my friend, anyone who has questions - I'd be happy to answer (ANY question) and anyone who wants a piece of me, well - bring it on!"

Now, I am not a man of war, I am a man of peace, really, I am. But there comes a time, when you have to stand up and say - enough is enough. I am NOT scared of what you have to say. You're either with me, or against me and I want to know who my friends are RIGHT NOW!

[Mike]

Tomorrow, it is Christmas Day.

Tomorrow, as I am a trained Grade 1 Chef, I have been volunteered to cook for the family.
My Family consists of mainly Military types, my Dad was an Officer in the Royal Marines for some 30 years before retiring in 2008.
He fought in numerous conflicts, including the Falklands War, and ended his career commanding 42 Commando Barracks, which is notorious for discipline.
My older brother is in the Tank Regiment in the Army, and my sister is married to am Army Captain,
So, they are all big characters, and all are very much anti gay.

My Dad tries to be understanding, and we do get along, but I haven't seen my Older Brother, and Sister, for nearly 4 years.

There is also 32 people coming to my parents for Christmas Dinner... so it should make for an interesting day.

I would love to avoid it, but Mum asked me not to.

WOW, Marc, I am so glad I started this thread.

A lot of what people have had to say here really puts things in perspective.
This dinner surely sounds like something I'd love to attend. You go and get them!

I am REALLY sorry to hear your siblings have shunned you. I hope they'll come around in the future. At least you know who your friends are, who loves you no-matter-what.

I'm here, if you need to talk, my friend.

P.S. your dad must really love you. It's especially hard for hard-military dads to accept their sons. I hope you appreciate it.

<3

[Mike]

Will I be the next in the family to marry? "Only if I find the right man!!!" Now go have a deviled egg and a mug of cheer.

Thanks for the support.
<3

[pellaz]

this is the 3rd year i am here (Boise ID) with the inlaws for christmas, dont think i am doing this next year