Login

12-26-2012, 06:10 PM

leaving forum.

12-27-2012, 04:11 AM

go with your gut, dude. I can only imagine.

tell him what u just wrote here. it's cool that you told this, now see if there is a time where you and he could talk quietly, tell him what you just said here...

easier said than done, but you don't need to feel pain. a relationship is supposed to make you happy, not sad...

just my 2 cents. well, these days, I guess it's up to a quarter

seriously. life is too short to be unhappy dude. you might be better off by yourself, or at least, getting this off your chest with him.

12-27-2012, 04:25 AM

the holidays is always a bad time if things are not precieved to be as good as they could be. wait a few weeks into the new year before making a decision.

12-27-2012, 09:14 AM

*Shrug* - I have no idea what you should do.

I know for myself I came up with a few simple 'rules' to guide me through life and when it comes to relationships I have a few make and break rules - such as no hitting - hit me once I'm out the door and you never see me again.

What are your deal breakers? Figure them out and use them as a guide.

Quote:and me breaking up with him. (We're still live together, share same bed, etc, til this day).

How exactly is this different than being together?

I just went through a break up, or perhaps we are in the process of breaking up. We now sleep in different beds and we are slowly on raveling our lives from each other, legal stuff, business stuff. We are clear that we are not in a relationship, no sleeping int he same bed, no sex, and he doesn't get the right to call me sweetie anymore.

Seems to me you do not have a defined set of goals between being in a relationship and being out of a relationship.

If you are broke up, then he is dating other fellows. That is to be expected, he is single. But if you two are in a relationship, you might want to let him know that.

So I think your underlying issue is you have poorly defined boundaries. No one can be certain what a relationship is with you, you have no clear 'this will not fly' rules when in a relationship, and you clearly have no idea what your personal needs are and what your personal limits are with pain.

A form of verbal abuse. Verbal abuse causes emotional pain and anguish. That just doesn't go away after time, it sits there and eats away at a person like and acid.

Looking at your list with 'cheats' involved and you seem to think that that is acceptable for a relationship... I have to wonder how much abuse is really being perpetrated by both of you on each other.

If you and he want to stay together, I strongly urge you to seek couples counseling.

In fact this may be a good way to decide right now if its worth carrying on. Are you willing/able to attend years of couples therapy and expose your dark inner core to this man? Are you able/willing to sit there and listen to him gut you like a fresh killed deer as he explored all of the emotional 'damage' he feels he has suffered being with you?

This and much more is included with Couple's Therapy... Is it worth all of that time and effort to remain with him?

Since relationships are two way streets, what does he feel?

12-27-2012, 09:37 AM

As others have said, you are going to have to deal with this in the way that you feel is best for you.

If I was in your shoes I would go and sleep with his new BF and then dump the both of them and get him out of my house and never look back.

But thats me Wink

12-28-2012, 02:02 AM

leaving forum.

12-28-2012, 10:08 AM

Quote:dfiant - yea that's just you lol, I can't do something like that, and beside, this other guy is to totally not my type at all.

Yeah, it was very tongue in cheek Wink

, but the last bit I would do, dump him. You deserve so much better than less than 50% of a BF after 8 years of being with him.

12-29-2012, 09:02 PM

Your relationship sounds like a more severe version of the relationship I got out of. Mine was only a year long and we didn't live together, so it was easier to end it more finally. But it was a similar situation. He didn't want to give up his boy on the side, and I told him he would lose me forever as both a lover and a friend, if he didn't. He told me he couldn't live without me in his life, but he eventually I just had to respect myself and my own feelings, and told him to stop trying to contact me. It was extremely hard, and I still miss him, but I couldn't deal with the sickening feelings of jealous I was getting. I know I did the right thing. It might be time for you to start thinking about yourself. Let him deal with the pain. You don't have to sacrifice yourself for anyone. True love means he would respect your feelings and it sounds like he doesn't.

12-30-2012, 12:49 PM

leaving forum.

12-30-2012, 06:35 PM

In that case, will you be able to accept and tolerate "Polyamourous" relationship? I think you are really not and it would make you feel terrible.. If you're always like that worrying and being always unhappy with the relationship, you can always get out. You dont deserve it.. Dont think of the years you've been together, its nothing if you would just think of the time you are wasting..

Good luck mate!