Guys, boys n men

[studded_belt]

Hey there ppl of Gayspeak and how are we today?

Anyways, i decided to post this thread to seek ur advice and opinions on a certain type of guy n how to avoid them or spot them early on!! As some of you may or may not know i am 18 and to sum this may sound strange but i dnt want casual sex (anymore) i want a relationship, sum security!!1 hmmm lost u lot yet? well fear not cas i will elaborate... I always seem to attract guys who are'nt up for anything but fun n games, or they say they are but then a month or two down the line they jst wanna be friends n say tht thts all they rly wanted in the first place but didnt tell me!! is it sumat i mite be doing possibly? im nt sure! its jst i always attract these guys i mean the last guy i rly liked, this nick guy he was up for it all, tellin me all this stuff like 'when you look into my eyes my heart beats faster' and wantin to take romantic walks down the beach hand in hand, tellin me he rly likes me ringin me once or twice a day for a 'chat' and they were long ones... we didnt even do owt sexual for a few weeks so we didnt mess owt up the he turned round the other wk n told me tht he thinks we shud jst be friends, made me sleep o his floor n then ever since we havnt been the same he doesnt get it... the same happened wiv the guy i rly liked before him a guy called Luke who told me tht after a month he jst wanted to be mates... well actually he implied tht he didnt want to c me again told me to 'hav a nice life n a good time at uni' he's in his last yr u see n everytime i c him in bars hes always complimanting me like hes jst a user... like the rest... all the other guys ive had were jst casual one night things as i didnt rly hav much in common wiv em or didnt want to c em again... maybe its payback...

anyway i want to know if theres any way of spotting these individuals or finding the guys tht lead u on out before u get hurt, Im jst sick of it cas i'm up for a relationship i rly am its jst madness... i mean casual sex is OK but its gettin to the stae where my life is feeling empty, and for the record i dnt do casual sex often in case im coming across as a slut... ive only slept wiv 9 guys! i need sum security me thinks! xx

[newc_student_18]

I would also like to know the answer to this, also being 18 and also looking for a relationship lol.
I can't offer any advice as i have none myself, but i'm in pretty much the same situation, so don't feel like your alone on this one :-D

[wouldlikemuscle]

Having never been in a gay relationship yet, I wouldn't know myself either... however, when you're out clubbing etc... then chances are most people are only out to go on the pull for some casual fun. I think more long term relationship people are more likely to be found in places like this (as in a forum environment... not like Gaydar or anywhere.. although gaydar has worked for many a guy), more sober social environments... e.g GMFA courses, sports groups etc.

I guess when it comes to finding that long term relationship, you and the other person need to make it clear at the start. Other than that, all I can really think is that you've gotta trust that if they say they want a r'ship, you may well get let down many a time, but I think it'd be quite hard to distinguish between those guys from the start.

[Stephen55]

Having never been in a gay relationship yet, I wouldn't know myself either... however, when you're out clubbing etc... then chances are most people are only out to go on the pull for some casual fun. I think more long term relationship people are more likely to be found in places like this (as in a forum environment... not like Gaydar or anywhere.. although gaydar has worked for many a guy), more sober social environments... e.g GMFA courses, sports groups etc.

I guess when it comes to finding that long term relationship, you and the other person need to make it clear at the start. Other than that, all I can really think is that you've gotta trust that if they say they want a r'ship, you may well get let down many a time, but I think it'd be quite hard to distinguish between those guys from the start.

I have annexed your quote and made it my own!

Glory my empire.

(Ie I agree with the above poster, thats why I don't go clubbing)

[Shadow]

Wouldlikemuscle has provided you with some very sage counsel on this, so listen to what he's saying ...

I would add that sometimes when we want something so very much it hurts, it's easy to let the wool be pulled over our eyes ... there's a saying that all that glistens is not gold (or something to that effect), and it's worth remembering ...

Often what seems like the right person will appear at what seems like the right time, and whilst I am far from a skeptic at heart, I think that, at the outset at least, it's only prudent not to throw yourself at things too quickly, as you might come across as either a) desperate (on one of a number of levels); and/or b) very full-on, neither of which are too conducive to a succesful longer-term relationship.

As for where you're likely to MEET this type of person ?? Honestly ?? Absolutely ANYWHERE. He might be working behind the bar somewhere, or studying, working out at your local gym, working in the office next to yours, in your class at uni - who knows ... but never lose faith in the belief that he IS there ... and for every @rsehole you come across, there will be at least one genuine person.

I think the biggest difficulty you boys have stumbled upon, however, is not in the way you're handling the situation, but the way in which you're being played by others ... and that's always a difficult one. I've misread situations before - I've had one-night stands where I've believed they were going to lead to something else and they just haven't, and so I KNOW how upsetting that entire scenario can be ... and so I would again agree with Wouldlikemuscle, in that if you're up front about what you're interested in, what you're looking for and so on with the other person up front ... and not in that "*looks them up* *looks them down* You'll do *slings them over your shoulder*" kinda way ? Then they'll know where you're coming from, and you'll feel a bit better knowing that you've been honest with them ...

So my advice would be this ...

Take your time entering situations like this, and size them up. Use your gut - if it feels too good ? Or the other guy seems to have an agenda ? Then either let it play out but be AWARE of it; slow things down to a pace you're happy with so that you're not being pushed into anything; or be honest with them and let them know whether you wanna see about maybe taking things further ... if they are indeed sincere then they should have no problem understanding that ...

As long as you're not pushy or manipulative with these people, then there's no reason for them to mistreat you, and if they DO ? Then you'll have exposed the @rseholes and can name 'n shame ...

Not very much help I guess, but for what it's worth, most of the lads on here strike me as being throughly genuine, and boys like Wouldlikemuscle and Twazzle are going to make FANTASTIC partners as time progresses, I just know it :biggrin:.

xx

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[fjp999]

I think that heteros do have it easier since there are just so many of them... but think about how they meet up with a long time partner...

I met my partner thru a friend who made the introduction.

I believe many partners meet thru work or school.

I know now that many meet thru the internet but ya have to be very specific and meet for lunch or at the library or something like that.

I do think you can meet someone special at a club but it might take a few bad ones to go thru.

good luck with the game,
frank

[marshlander]

I daresay you'll have to kiss a few toads in your search. Luckily I kissed a Frog and he turned into a Prince ....

Good luck