So I met this incredible guy almost two years ago. We hit it off well and at the time he was questioning his sexuality. I normally would have given up on guy like that but we had so much chemistry between us. Long story short, we have been together for about a year and a half now. He is not out to anyone accept a few friends. This really doesn't bother me as I know how difficult this can be.
Anyway, he and I have been pretty much living together since April, other than the 3 weeks his mom came in July. He has an apartment and I have a house. We typically trade off days or weeks or whenever but we have been staying with each other.
Anyway, I have approached him about moving in with me. His lease is up in two months and I thought I would be good. He seems to really want to but something is holding him back. I'm not that dumb, I'm sure moving in with me will make his family ask questions that he may have to answer. Really, I am fine with us living in both places. He lives closer to downtown, so its perfect for late nights and weekends. I live in the suburbs, but I live 5 minutes from his job. Is it too soon to movie in together? We have been together for almost 2 years, so I thought It would be good. How do I convince him to move in with me?
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I would not force it. If things are going the way you said they are then he will make that decision when he feels comfortable.
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Oh, and by the way. My mother and 4 sisters love him. He's a keeper as far they are concerned.
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It's a tough situation because you don't want to "force" him to move in only to have him resent it/you. I think, if you haven't already, you should have a serious talk about his concerns about moving in and try to find out exactly what is bothering him about it (probably the questions from the family like you said, but it's good to have a frank talk and have him state exactly what concerns him). Hopefully, during the course of the conversation, you can figure things out.
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2 years is not too short a period of time.
As for excuses, I think with today's economy being what it is, and the fact that his lease is coming due, I think it is reasonable to say that moving in with a friend and splitting resources makes lots of sense.
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Giving up your independence is a huge thing to some people , I know it was with me ,I was lucky though after talking to my now husband about it , he understood and left it up to me, it ended up with him moving in with me.
It does not mean he loves you any less , he just needs more time ,just talk to him about it.
The last thing you should do is pressure him , just throw it out there and see what he thinks.
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Thanks so far everyone! Like I said we've been staying together since April and do a great job of splitting resources and tasks. I just figured since we have been doing this for almost 6 months why not just move in together. I really do think that he is worried about his family but as someone stated in this time of economy it would be good to have a "roomate." Although his mother may be moving to our city in the spring so it might be good to come clean. That came out of his mouth a few weeks ago. He kind of thought about keeping the apartment for his mother and they could split some of the rent.
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You know,
I just want you to think about a few things. Maybe he likes the idea of options? He's got an apartment but he's also got a house he can live in. Since you two having been living together anyway for the last 8 months, i seriously doubt it's a commitment issue. If he is worried about his family, then why not keep his apartment, if you two can afford it. He can sign another lease and then he can keep it for when his family wants to come or when you guys want to hang out downtown. I would try to talk to him about again. If his lease is about to be up and he says that he wants to, then maybe this is the time to discuss moving in with you but holding on to the apartment. Just a thought.
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tell me if I am wrong;
but have you guys have not had a good discussion on this?
-you ask all the difficult questions you obviously need to ask.
-a discussion where he completely answers all your questions.
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We have spoken about it but I was just looking for some advice on how to convince him to move in with me. I usually ask him or tell him "you should move in with me." Truthfully, it's becoming kind of a joke I say to him when he forgets something he needs at the apartment or house. Now I don't think he takes it seriously because he's really kind of said he wants to but..., I do get that I shouldn't force it, and that he could keep that apartment and move in and use for when family comes to town, I was seeing if anyone had been through this and how they agreed to move in with their significant other. That's all.
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