I'm 18 and closeted. I have a huge crush on a guy who went to the same high school and now the same college as me. He's effeminate and in high school everyone thought he was gay, but he claims he's straight and dated girls (I dated girls too, doesn't prove anything). Our college is in our hometown so we both live at home; our families are religious and our friends gossipy, so even if he is gay, coming out is not an option for either one of us until we graduate/become financially independent.
Recently we've been going out alone a lot, to restaurants and bars and movies, but nothing major ever happens. Usually he's the one initiating these "dates". It could just be "hanging out" to him, since he always asks me to invite other friends to join us, yet he never invites them himself.
I've tried flirting (playing footsie, winking, touchy feely), half the time he flirts back, but sometimes he'd loudly say "don't do that" in front of all our friends.
If we see a gay couple in the street he points and stares, making a bigger deal out of it than my friends who are for sure straight. He says "that's so gay" a lot; would a gay guy say that?
Could I be sending out the wrong message? I can't fake smile, so when I look at him it might seem like I'm glaring… I'm also slow at texting; when I don't respond to his messages right away, he gets upset and demands, "why are you ignoring me?", but it's because I fell asleep or something like that.
How can I know if he likes me? How can I let him know that I like him, without actually coming out, in the chance that he's not gay? He could also be gay but in denial or lack self-awareness; either way, what should I do?
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me you are a friend because you don't judge him because he is effeminate. Stop flirting, he more than likely is straight if he says he is straight. He more than likely reciporocates to be friendly. So take a step back and see him as a friend only...if there is anything else, let him be the one coming to you.
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Its Canada calling, where its nationally legal for LGBT to marry each other no less than even.
Its not like you are in an Muslim State where they will kill you for being gay.
So why are you hiding? I do not need to know, you need to ask yourself and then start resolving these conflicts and start accepting yourself and letting yourself be you in the real world.
You can't change him, and obviously he has issues with the whole gay thing. It may be he is honestly straight and sick and tired of people thinking his femininity means he is automatically gay.
Or it may be that he is as terrified of being outed as you are, no I guess more terrified, thus he protests loudly when the subject comes up thinking he is 'safe'.
Regardless. He has made it clear he has no interest in you 'that way'. So let it be, leave the subject alone and treat him as a friend only.
Maybe once he sees you take definitive steps to come out of your closet, he will see that there is far less potential harm and will actually step out of his closet - IF he is in a closet.
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First let me say welcome.
If he says he is straight , then he is straight maybe curious but still straight.
Take him for his word.
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Well, Tyler, your friend could either be in the closet, in which case you should not really pressure him to come out. Or he could be straight, or bi, or other. Who knows. I think the best thing for you to do is maybe try and work on finding healthier outlets for your affections. Even if you are in the closet, college gay student groups can be very discreet. If you go to a meeting or social event it's not like you're going to run into somebody you know, and if you do know someone there they will very likely accept you for who you are.
If you're at UBC or SFU the student body is large enough that you can meet other gay students without worrying about news getting home.
Edit: I think it's OK to protect your privacy if you are not financially independent of your parents, I know it can be hard. It does feel better to be out though, and in the long run you'll be the better for it when you are in the position that you can do it.
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To me, there really isn't a such thing as 100% straight or gay, or else those prison stories wouldn't exist. The point is that even if he is straight, all hope is not yet lost. He did flirts back with you so that's a good sign, he gets upset that you don't reply his text fast enough which could means that he really want attention from you, that's also good. I'm not saying that you could 'convert' a straight guy, but if you want it enough, and you tries hard enough, you might have a shot. Once feelings are develope, sexuality is just a preference. Be warn that regardless of whether he's straight or not, he might not look at you in that way, or you might not be his type in which case tough luck. To get to the bottom of things, ahem, I think that you need to get your crush out of that oppressive environment just for sometimes, a trip or a vacation of some sort, where the two of you can be alone and sort things out. Be slow and extremely delicate, initiate but don't be aggressive and scare him away. If you want this relationship bad enough, don't let him or anyone else tells you what to think, fight for whatever you believe will bring you happiness.
Goodluck, ^^
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if he's straight , don't do anything .
would you want a girl to constantly try to start a relationship with you , because even though you're gay you've flirted with her and so maybe there's a possibility that you might one day realize you're bi or straight and fall in love with her ?
sure , no one is really 100% gay or straight , but one of the things that annoys me most is when men try to hit on me even though they know i'm a lesbian .
contrary to what many gay men have said to me before , straight does not equal "challenge"
obviously , if he does turn out to be bi or gay , then that changes things . buuut if he isn't into you in the same way , i would just try to move on ~
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TylerBless Wrote:... How can I know if he likes me? How can I let him know that I like him, without actually coming out, in the chance that he's not gay? He could also be gay but in denial or lack self-awareness; either way, what should I do?
How can I know if he likes me?
ask him but you have to accept what he says
How can I let him know that I like him, without actually coming out, in the chance that he's not gay?
If you choose to come out to him; he as a true friend he will only wish the best for you. Tell him you have feelings for him; "dont want to be un truthful to him that you have feelings for him and that you can respect him as a straight man too because you dont want to loose a great friend".
He could also be gay but in denial or lack self-awareness
yes he could be ignorant; not know anything but you have to accept that. Along the same lines that if you come out to him he has to want what is best for you
gay men are only 3-5% of the population so finding a boy friend can be difficult. Sexual preference can be fluid still you have to respect the remaining 97% of the population; gay or bi or straight. A proper gay bf will know exactly what he wants and the relationship will be easier for the both of you.
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Thanks for all the great advice guys, I appreciate it. I think I'll try to meet some new people and respect him as a "maybe someday". 
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"Maybe someday" sounds like a good idea. Meeting new people is definitely a good idea. You never know... if you start hanging out with some new friends, he may reach out to you.
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