Give Bad Advice

[araya]

surprise your spouse by doing the most embarassing thing you could ever think of

I still need a haircut

[Rareboy]

Give a 5 year old a pair of scissors and get them to cut your hair. They'll do it for almost no money at all.

I need to clean some birdshit off our car......

[East]

No problem! Grab a scratch pad and a can of comet...mix it with some bleach...and scrub real hard....

I want to go to Salinas today but I hate driving that road in the rain

[trywait]

catch a cab! it'll make you wanna drive instead.

I was irritated yesterday and didn't sleep good

[Rareboy]

Eat a big bag of Cheetos just before you go to bed. I hear that the msg helps relax you.

I had a call out of the blue from some guy with a really hot stock tip.

[East]

Take every last cent you have and go for it! ..then call him and tell him what you did! See if he is happy...or nervous

I just ate two of those protein Special K bars but they give me gas sometimes....and I am going to the gym in a couple of hours...

[Rareboy]

A little super glue will make sure that you don't pass any gas.

I need to clean my floors and all I've got is vinegar and bleach.....

[East]

Perfect! Just fill a bucket with undiluted vinegar and bleach and pour it liberally on the floor so it soaks it,....don't miss any spots... then go out for lunch and maybe take in a movie and when you come back PRESTO! Clean floors!

I need to get my windows washed

[trywait]

use a hammer to break it; no need to clean

i need to start lifting weights

[East]

...make sure you don't do any warm ups, Your muscles will love it if you shock them into growing...

I am wondering if I should buy an out of season watermelon or not