Give Bad Advice

[Insertnamehere]

Tell the driver to go really fast and make a turn at 100 mph

I must have done 7-8 reactions and at least 8 pulses of 1 min at P30 in the microwave before the amide bonding was MILDLY acceptable.

[Cridders88]

Next time, use a flamethrower.

My phone charger appears to be overheating and not charging my phone a great deal.

[Insertnamehere]

Poke your eyes out when watching them

This day could have ended betterm but one little detail (i.e. f*cking commuting) kinda made it sour

[trywait]

drive next time

my dog wants to go for a walk

[Confuzzled4]

Let Michael Vick walk your dog.
My mattress is lumpy.

[trywait]

place potatoes on it

im mentally exhausted

[Confuzzled4]

Try to learn fluent Mandarin within the next 2 weeks without taking a break, this should increase your mental stamina so you're not mentally exhausted anymore.
I can't open this jar of pickles.

[Cridders88]

Sleep is for the weak.

It's -1°C, but a female member of staff in her 50's (who I swear is going through the change) has thrown open the canteen windows complaining it's too hot.

[Insertnamehere]

Go up to her and tell her the truth (i.e. she is definitely going through menopause)....lets see how that turns out.

I could use some massive hugs to get me sleeping

[trywait]

get a blowup doll

I have a hole in my sock