01-15-2013, 08:18 AM
I have no idea where to begin...well okay that's a lie...I do have an idea where to start to fix this, but no idea where to start about WHY I should fix this.
I guess I should start with my friends telling me to hide something from the other. With that being said, I should go on to say that my friend Caleb had a crush on my friend Mary, who's taken (she's bi, in a monogamous straight relationship with a guy named John, and they've been together for four years). Caleb was getting a bit obsessed with this idea of falling for his best friend and let himself drive it to the point where he started digging up dirt on Mary's boyfriend through John's friends on Facebook. Caleb didn't keep it to himself, and instead dumped it all on me, expecting me not to tell her anything. So, after about two weeks of this, I still kept my mouth shut - but it still came out into the open, but not from me. No. John's friend told him (John) that Caleb was poking around where he shouldn't have, and John then told Mary.
We had just finished the day hanging out with each other, and I drove home, while Caleb dropped Mary off at her house on his way home - and John told Mary via text (and even took a picture of his screen as to the message he saw on Facebook), which sent Mary on a rampage and she told Caleb off. Later that night, she apologized to Caleb for telling him off, and I decided it was time to tell Mary everything that Caleb had told me - with the exception of him having a crush on her. She already knew, simply because of the way he's been acting around her. So I had them spend a couple hours talking to each other to clear the air.
It's been a few weeks since this fiasco.
Now to the next chapter:
This last week was the first week of the semester for everyone - Caleb, Mary, her boyfriend John and me - all at the same college. Caleb has been anxious to see Mary, and John wants Mary to tell Caleb to, well, (bleep) off. Because Mary can't (and possibly won't) hang out with Caleb, Caleb has had to put up with his stressful home-life, since he only has one class until February when two more classes start for him. He says he's over his crush on Mary. I felt bad for him, and then felt much worse, as this last weekend, he wanted to commit suicide. He definitely wasn't thinking right, and I stayed up for hours talking to him over facebook to help him get out of it. It didn't work too well, as Sunday morning rolled around, he wasn't suicidal anymore, but instead, bit my head off and told me off, and told me to get out of his life. So, to sort of preserve the friendship, I completely cut him off and blocked him for a day.
Last night, I unblocked him, but I did not accept his new friend-request on facebook. Also last night, Mary and I had some time to hang out. She confessed to me that John was so pissed about Caleb...and she didn't want me to tell him anything.
Well, tonight, Caleb and I had a talk. And he started getting in on the fact that Mary was not talking to him much...I hate to see someone suffer, but at the same time, I just cannot stand it when friends ask me to withhold things from the other...I told him everything that Mary had told me last night. Now he no longer trusts me, he no longer trusts Mary, and I snapped.
If you bear with me, this is my message to my friend Caleb tonight, it has been edited, and it might sound a little bit out of context:
Quote:If there's one thing my friends should know about me, it's that when you start depending on me to keep secrets from one another, people are going to get hurt from the aftermath. And this is where I'm about to explode. Talk about ruining a friendship? Dude, friends DO NOT KEEP secrets from EACH OTHER. Yes, I am that kind of ticked off now. You should've just told her in the beginning dude. You should've. Instead of going behind her back and digging up dirt on John. Granted, yes, I think he's a bit of a jerk, but we are not hearing the full story because that's John. Some people are like him - shelled up and silent. Second of all, I don't know where this weekend's garbage came from, and I understand that you've got some ghosts in your past, but that alone has put me AND Mary on edge. We're glad you're doing better. What's really irritating the heck out of me is that now she wants to keep things from you. This is not how things should be. God help me because all of us are going to sit down and talk. I'm done here. I know I'm now chewing your head off, but all of this is B.S. and we are going to fix it.
Granted, having all of us - me, Caleb, John and Mary - sit down and talk things out, one at a time, like a counselor-mediator thing feels right, but is it really? I mean, I've done this before with other friends, and even family, but there is so much here that could go wrong; starting with John hating Caleb, Caleb hating John, and Caleb already not trusting Mary nor I. I don't know how Mary is right now, but she told me when I said to her last night that if it comes down to a group mediation, it might end badly. I'm a hard-ass when I need to be, and I don't sugarcoat anything, but, I just need advice here. I'm so frustrated and I had to go close my eyes in a dark quiet room just to calm me down and keep me from doing damage to other things.
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