So I have a roommate in college and we're not really friends, but we don't hate each other either. He's an alright guy, and we talk occasionally, but really we're just too different so we don't really "hang out".
However recently I've started exploring guys on campus. I'm currently having a friends-with-benefits thing with this guy I met who wasn't really interested in a relationship. He's in a single, so I always go to his room.
However, I've met this other guy and we've started to hit it off. Now the thing I'm worried about before we go further is telling my roommate that I'm gay. Part of me feels like since he's not my friend or anything, rather than just tell him flat out I'll just let him figure it out for himself when he sees me with another guy. Like I said, we don't talk pretty much at all, so for me to just suddenly tell him I'm gay half way into the year would be really weird. And since we're not real close, I was telling myself that he's not really a part of my personal life, so he can just figure it out on his own.
Is this right? Would it be okay to just have a guy over and he can just connect the dots? Or does he deserve to know?
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I don't see a reason to tell the roommate you are gay but, I would tell him if you are going to have someone over that you want privacy for whatever time frame you think you need.
were I the roommate, I would appreciate a heads up that you might have guys over and want some privacy, but that's me. That should have been said at the get go, but, since it wasn't, he will figure out that you are gay, and, you do need to warn him if you will be needing privacy.
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Don't just tell him ''i'm gay''. That would be awkward. Tell him you're gay and explain why are you telling him now. About your concerns and expectations. I think it would be fine.
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just starting college things are a lot like high school. Dont expect emotional maturity in many class mates. any ways just so you can think that way if necessary.
speak to the campus lgbt center or one in town. Know your rights. find more better accepting housing just in case.
i definitely would not just invite a guy over. Not fair the the guest for one and well the resulting drama (if any) is not that necessary.
sooner or later your room mate will find out but he really has no need to know. Than again it might be better if you tell him than by rumor. be super cautious for reasons above. being gay now is not that big a deal and most people will say; "whatever makes you happy".
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Food for thought: is your roommate obligated to tell you he's straight?
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Has your roommate informed you of his sexual orientation?
Does he need to? Do you even care what or who your roommate may do?
No its not OK to just have your Mate over. I strongly suggest you discuss with the roommate protocols of 'dates and significant others'. Some people do not like to wake up to find a stranger in the kitchen making coffee. Some don't care as long as that person knows how to make good coffee.
If this is a typical two bed student cell you should be respectful and discuss 'codes' so you two can give each other privacy. Such as a sock on the doorknob says 'Don't open the door unless you want a surprise' - or to put it more blunting, 'I'm fucking, go away!'.
If this is a multi-room place each of you with your own bedroom you may want to discuss terms of 'if I have a guest for a night, what are somethings you don't want them doing?'. This is more personal space respecting. some people really don't like having their roommate's friends on their computer, or blasting the TV set at 2 AM or some other 'stuff' like that.
Of course there is the 'respectable PDAS' Its not nice to suck face in front of others. Its often slightly embarrassing for non-participants to watch two individuals dry hump, face suck and other assorted things.
Of course all of that is what roommates should discuss no matter their sexual orientation. Its called respect. Respect of space actually makes the whole roommate situation far easier.
I would suggest you do not intentionally hide your sexuality. Terms like 'My Boy Friend' is perfectly alright in general conversation if the topic chances to something where you need to talk about the BF. Also 'Es Oh' (S.O. - Significant Other), Partner, and other non-gender specific terms are perfectly OK to use, but do not fall into the terrible habit of actually using those only for yourself. Straight People's 'mates' are also their S.O./Partner/Mate whatever as well. Equalize it.
Treat it light, treat it easy. No need to hang up rainbows and remind him every conversation how gay you are. That will annoy. But don't actively hide the fact either.
If you treat it like no big deal and keep it within the range of 'normal' his reaction most likely will be indifferent to bland.
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I agree with the truck guy
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I also agree with many people here. There doesn't seem to be a reason to tell your roommate unless you plan on bringing guys over. Since you aren't I don't see the problem.
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Thanks everyone for the advice. I do have plans...or rather I INTEND to invite a friend over. We did talk about dating/sex etc. at the beginning of the year, I just never brought up that I'm gay because I didn't know him that well. He has his girlfriend in occasionally which I don't mind. So really I don't think there'll be a problem with me having someone over, I think it's just the gay thing that I was unsure of. We've already discussed all the "roommate agreement" type stuff at the beginning of the year.
I talked to a few friends about this too, and I've decided I just will leave it up to him to figure it out. We're not that close, and I know he's already cool with me having people over, so as far as whether or not he's "okay" with me being gay isn't really my concern. Worst case scenario he asks for a room change, which is fine because again...we don't really hang out that much.
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Am I Obligated to tell my roommate?
