Suicide and Depression

[Seekinghappines]

I don't know how to handle thoughts of suicide. I suffer from severe depression and a mood disorder, cyclothymia I think. I'm not manic but I constantly go back and forth between feeling okay, depressed, and suicidal. In addition I have severe sleep apnea which compounds the problem. I don't know how to handle the ups and downs. I don't like to talk to my partner or friends about it because I don't want to appear whiny or scare anyone away. I just feel like I'm trapped and always exhausted. I really want to die but I don't want to hurt anyone. I am terrified of medication because I tried it before and it was a disaster. I just want to let go. Depression is crippling. Mood disorders and sleep disorders are worse than cancer. At least with cancer you either beat it or die. With mood and sleep disorders you just keep going and suffering.

[azulai]

Hi, Seeking.


I hope you stay and talk with some of us.

Quite a few of us have struggled with depression and thoughts of suicide.

I've made a lot of changes in my life and no matter what there is still in the back of my mind that fear that the depression will engulf me like before. I worked out a very discipline exercise and diet routine; so far so good.

I'm not sure if you are aware but there is a medical correlation between sleep apnea and depression. Are you being treated for the apnea? IIRC, it actually has to do with reduced oxygen to the brain. Sometimes knowing that there is a very real physical link to your depression may help.

Antidepressants actually make cyclothymia worse so I'm not surprised you had a bad reaction.

Have you found that you have certain triggers to your episodes?

Also, I read this really interesting article I need to find it and link it. But it was a discussion about a meaningful life vs. happiness.

[John]

I don't know how to handle thoughts of suicide. I suffer from severe depression and a mood disorder, cyclothymia I think. I'm not manic but I constantly go back and forth between feeling okay, depressed, and suicidal. In addition I have severe sleep apnea which compounds the problem. I don't know how to handle the ups and downs. I don't like to talk to my partner or friends about it because I don't want to appear whiny or scare anyone away. I just feel like I'm trapped and always exhausted. I really want to die but I don't want to hurt anyone. I am terrified of medication because I tried it before and it was a disaster. I just want to let go. Depression is crippling. Mood disorders and sleep disorders are worse than cancer. At least with cancer you either beat it or die. With mood and sleep disorders you just keep going and suffering.

I'm having the same problems too and it's now getting worse as I found out that the one whom i trusted the most cheated on me since last year... so I understood how you feel, cause we didn't want to burden others with our stuffs and not to scare people away.. But, cheers! Talk to your partner maybe? He should be there for you and you should tell him whatever in your minds. Unlike me, there's no one that i can talk too..

[Kat]

A lot of people live with similar issues, my husband did, he tried to get help but we couldn't afford much. Five years Ago, I became a widow. I guess that's enough to say about that.

Please get the help you need, I know it can be hard with bills and just having to eat but, do your best, don't let the problems win like my husband did.

[Geminize]

Seeking- I agree, depression is crippling and I have struggled with it at different times in my life. Getting the sleep you need is HUGE, so I encourage you to seek help with that first and soon. There are medical procedures and devices to help with apnea, as you probably know. LIke Azulai, I have established a routine of exercise and diet that supports my physical and mental health. I also schedule social events that are hard to get out of, to be sure I don't isolate.

Reaching out to friends, this forum, and professional help is important. I wish you the best, man.

[Remlek]

The best way to avoid coming to or thinking about suicide is to talk about how you're feeling with your loved ones. Sometimes life can be sour. I've been in your position, and what helped me the most was thinking about happy stuff I've lived. Don't lose hope.

There are times we give in to all these sad thoughts and forget about the good stuff that's happened to us, but you have to try to keep a positive attitude and figure out what fuels your life. Think happy thoughts and try new things. Sometimes worrying too much can be a problem too. Just take it easy.

The fist step is to start loving yourself and finding why your life is meaningful. You know others love you, so you should love yourself too. Once you value your life and understand yourself you will be able to stop all those suicidal thoughts from hurting you.

[MisterTinkles]

Been there, done that.

The bad thing about all this is its all connected together. You and your Dr have to figure out which one is the root cause and address that one first.

I was put on Welbutrin for my depression and anxiety when I first was diagnosed. I also have sleep apnia...the worst kind, but my insurance wont pay for that freeking "darth vader" mask my Dr wants me to wear every night, so I handle it the best way I can.

First off, you ARE NOT getting out of this without help from your partner and meds from your Dr.!!!!

First you have to find the root problem.......is it anxiety, depression, or the sleep apnia? One will cascade into the other, which will cascade into another.....and so on.

Once you have found the root problem, then that can be tested with different medications, foods, and vitamins. Once the root cause can be dealt with, then the others may subside or go away on thier own.
If not, then more can be added to help correct what ails you.

Aside from my sleep apnia, I found a Dr who tested my adrenaline levels. Apparently my adrenaline glands were OVER producing all the time, leading me to feel nervous, anxiety ridden, highly adjitated, and extremely suseptible to irate mood swings. He put me on some meds to slow down the production of adrenaline in my body, and Ive been SOOOOOO much better for it!!!

I was taken off the mood suppressors and put on this adrenaline reducer instead. My mood got a little better, the thoughts of death and suicide went away, and my head cleared up a bit. AND my high blood pressure went away!!

As for the sleep apnia, as I said, the Dr said it is a "worst case scenario" for me. But my insurance wont pay for the appliances I need. So, guess what....I have found that using Breathright nasal strips and taking a Magnesium vitamin with dinner has pretty much done what all that expensive gadgetry was supposed to do for me.

The Breathright strips help keep my nose open while I am laying down at night, and the Magnesium helps "connect" all the synapses in my head, so I dont have all these freeky thoughts all night, that keep me awake.

First, and foremost, you have to find you an AWESOME doctor who understands these conditions and how they affect the body and mind. THEN you, your partner, and your doctor can work together to find out what best meds, foods, and vitamins will work for you.

IT CAN BE DONE!!!

It took almost 10 years to get my problems to where they are being handled now, but thats only because there are SO many drugs on the market, you have to find whats right for you.

I would find an awesome Dr, and have yourself tested for thyroid problems, diabetes, high blood pressure, anxiety, depression, and see what level you are at on your sleep apnia. Also see if your Dr can test for over active adrenal glands....this might be a part of your problem.

And I think if taking a couple of pills and vitamins every day will help you out, then I think you wouldnt mind doing it...as long as you know they are working.

Like everything, you have to give it time to work. Some people build up immunities to certain meds and have to switch to something else. So dont freak out if one doesnt work, like I said it might take some time as you may have to try out a few different meds to find the right one.

Breathright strips can be found at the pharmacy stores, and Magnesium is a cheap vitamin you can buy anywhere that sells vitamins. For me, I noticed a huge difference in my sleep the first night I took it.

It CAN be done. You just have to put your pride and shyness aside and speak to your partner.....both of you together can find the right Dr. to help you out.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

On December 30 1994 I did the suicide thing, died twice in the ER. They (un)fortunately were able to shock the body back to life. I have mixed feelings about that, some times I hate them for doing it, other times I am truly grateful to have had this extra time.

I have been where you are, I understand. It can get better - no not cured, but better.

Sleep issues should be seen by a sleep specialist. A sleep study should be done. If you have nasal issues (deviated septum, polyps) a minor procedure could have a huge impact.

As for the emotional side, try a therapist. Yes it may take a few different therapists to find one who you like, but I assure you if you work with a therapist, tell your tales, and follow their suggestions, eventually a set of tools will be in your hands that will make it easier and get you through the rough spots.


Cyclothymia - Bi-polar? I have a form of bi-polarism. Its called Seasonal Affected Disorder.

In winter I'm usually suffering from Melancholia. In summer I have hypo-mania. Depressed in the winter - manic in summer.

The reason why I committed suicide was because a psychiatrist talked to me for about 15 minutes, stamped 'Clinically Depressed' on my folder and threw prescriptions at me. those drugs took a bad winter and turned it into a death sentence.

It took a few sessions with a psychologist (therapist) talking with me, asking me questions and listening to what I said to figure out I have SAD.

So my next suggestion is to find a therapist (no M.D. - just talking) and start sorting how your feelings operate, what you feel and even present the therapist with your past.

Even if you do not have SAD, there are other conditions where simple tools the therapist can give you can make life better.

Yeah I know, its hard. Real hard. But I promise you it will get better - no not cured and completely go away, better. IF you work toward making it better.

If you sit there doing nothing it won't get better, it will most likely get worse.