My son.

[concernedMum]

Hello Everybody.

I have joined here to look for advice.

I struggle with the whole concept of my son being gay, he has had numerous issues in his life due to being a gay man, all of which he has come through a stronger person for it.

He is a happy person, and successful. He makes me proud.

The reason I joined, well reasons I joined, is because of a talk I had with my son recently.

He has met a person, that obviously makes him extremely happy, in fact I have never seen him so happy, so full of joy, and I am really very happy for him, I really am.

But, the person is in another country, many hours away.

My son said they intend to marry, and start a new life together. I wish them all the best, and will support them all I can.

The problems, and there are many, range from me losing my son to another country, to the worry about how serious the other person really is about his commitment, to the worry about meeting this persons parent's.

There is also another issue.
My husband, and my other son.
They struggle with the whole notion of being gay, and they really will not understand any other of this.

I know I am being cagey, but there are reasons for that.


Can anybody offer any advice?

Thank you.

[LateBloomer]

Yeah. Let go of the worry that is eating away at your own happiness.

What will be, will be. You cannot control ANY of it.

You can't control your husband, sons, future in-laws--none of it.

I know you love your son, that is obvious, and I admire you for it, but really, people need to live their lives, make their mistakes, achieve their own victories, write their own stories.

Your son is apparently an adult now, happy and successful.

Your job is done.
Well done.
We should all be so lucky.

[concernedMum]

Thank you late bloomer.

You are correct of course, he is an adult.

I feel a little silly, and perhaps selfish.

[LateBloomer]

Thank you late bloomer.

You are correct of course, he is an adult.

I feel a little silly, and perhaps selfish.

You're not silly. You're anticipating missing your son if he moves away. He'll miss you too. I moved 2500 miles from home, but we adjust.

[concernedMum]

My biggest fear, is he is giving up his home, his job, his friends and family, and moving to a country he doesn't know.

My husband will never fully accept my son as being gay, I am worried this will be the end for us, as a family.

[HomeagainNYC]

I think you're feeling like any loving parent would - when a child is going to be married and move far away. I don't see it as silly or selfish at all.

Like late bloomer said " your jobs is done, well done." So let him go out into the world and find out what it holds for him. Don't forget you are not loosing a son your will be gaining a son-in-law!

[LateBloomer]

My biggest fear, is he is giving up his home, his job, his friends and family, and moving to a country he doesn't know.

My husband will never fully accept my son as being gay, I am worried this will be the end for us, as a family.

It's tough when a child leaves the nest. That's normal and expected.

Give your husband time. And who knows? The distance may help too. Life is nothing but ironic.

[concernedMum]

Thank you both for your kind words.

MissingNYC yes that is very true, I am gaining a son-in-law. He will be visiting England with my son soon, so I just hope and pray that we can all get along.

[Blue]

You can't change anyone but yourself so, whether your other son and husband ever come to fully accept your gay son or not is up to them, not you. All you can do is let go of that and, love and accept each of them for who they are.

Your gay son sounds like he is happy and, is making the choices he feels are best for him. We all know there is a chance it won't work out, as with any relationship but, your son knows he has your support even if that does happen. Be there, be happy for him and his partner. Set the example you would like your husband and other son to follow and, let them make their own choices just as you do and as your gay son does.

[concernedMum]

Thank you Blue.

Of course you are correct, I do try to lead by example, but it is so hard at times.

I hope this doesn't sound offensive, but how do I behave around my son and his partner?
This is all new to me, I don't know how to react, or how to behave.

Do I avoid topics to do with gay issues? Do I bring them into conversation?

I feel so lost.