Gays with High Pitch Voices???!!!

[outthecloset]

Hello, I hope this thread doesn't offend anyone, I am just curious. I am wondering if there are any other gay guys out there that doesn't have the high pitch voice, girly hand gestures when they talk, and all that. I know its just sterotype and those are the ones we see most often because it is obvious. But I find I have none of those characteristics. And Those characteristics is kind of a boner killer for me, I like a very very masculine man. Basically a straight man that is gay. I went on my first date yesterday and even he said, he would have never thought I was gay just seeing and talking to me. (we met on Grindr) Anyway, I just want to clarify that I have nothing against feminine gays, I just am not attracted to them. Oh, and the guy I'm seeing said in text that he is very masculine too, which he is in some ways. But after meeeting him, he too has a light voice and does the hand gestures. .....Input?

[Goodie]

I used to feel that my voice was too high but after talking to a few friends they said it wasnt as high as i though. I never do hand gestures (or on rare occasions) and I would like to say that i ~Dont~ understand what you mean, but I kinda do. I'd like to think that I wouldn't mind a really feminine guy, but I just have had any experienced in that department. I guess I would say I would be open to anything until I find what I really like/Who I really like and if they have something that I thought I didnt like, maybe I wouldnt mind it like I did before

[outthecloset]

I used to feel that my voice was too high but after talking to a few friends they said it wasnt as high as i though. I never do hand gestures (or on rare occasions) and I would like to say that i ~Dont~ understand what you mean, but I kinda do. I'd like to think that I wouldn't mind a really feminine guy, but I just have had any experienced in that department. I guess I would say I would be open to anything until I find what I really like/Who I really like and if they have something that I thought I didnt like, maybe I wouldnt mind it like I did before

In that sense I would agree Goodie. The guy I am seeing is kind of that situation. I loved him in text. We are perfect for each other. But now that I have met him, as i said, has those characteristics. Which I think is whats throwing me off a little. But I think in time I can grow past that. I am probly being a little selfish and/or shallow i guess. I think we are having our second date tonight, so we shall see what happens.

Also, I think i want to go on this next date somewhere gay friendly, maybe a gay bar or something. I am just too inexperienced and also in the closet, so going to a public restaurant just keeps me nervous and on my toes the whole time. I would like to go somewhere that I can let my guard down and just be myself, and maybe for him too.

Thanks...

[HomeagainNYC]

Your question is very subjective; only you will be able to define the parameters of what you consider "straight behavior" - a voice tone or hand jesters - do not define a mans sexuality.

I think if/when you decide to come out of the closet and are able to interact with a variety of gay men you will understand that gay men come in all varieties; just like strait men.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I have a baritone (deep) voice and can sing bass - I sing poorly, thus am often asked to sing solo - solo you can't hear me. :tongue:

I do not swish, I do not have limp wrists. I walk like a man, talk like a man and only use the word Fa-bu-lous when I am trying to be funny (it actually scares people when I try to do that nelly-queen impression :biggrin.

I also failed interior design, I think plaid is a great color that goes with everything, and I drove a 4 wheel drive truck. I know an engine well enough to keep it running, and I also like to hunt, fish and do other 'straight' activities.

I am not alone, plenty of gay men are like me, we don't meet the stereotype casting of 'homosexual' and we are called 'straight-acting' by the majority of people. Some call it 'butch' others call it 'masculine'.

Its not an act, its just me being me.

Unfortunately society has painted a very narrow picture of what 'homosexual' means. And the media makes it worse by promoting this 'image' of 'metro-sexual, effeminate, swishy' gay male in TV and movies.

The truth is 'gay' comes in a lot more packages and personality types than the media and popular society myths will tell you.

Like you I prefer other straight acting men, or masculine or 'butch' whatever word you want to use. It is a preference, no different than my preference for men taller than me, men with body hair, men who oh ride horses, can hunt/fish and appreciate the great outdoors.

How hard should you apply 'rules' to 'your man' along these lines? Depends on you really.

I went though 14 long, quiet downright nice years with a shorter than me, more effeminate than I prefer man. In my mine they were chiefly good years. Unfortunately he needed more than I could give him and tended to like lots of sex - lots of sex with lots of other men...

So it wasn't femininity, or shortness or other physical characteristics that broke the relationship, it was needs/wants and behaviors that ultimately did the relationship in.

Is your preference for more masculine guys shallow? I don't think so. Yes a lot of gays will be offended - that is on them, not on you. But then they have their 'dream ideals' of what they want in a guy (a nice package, abs, black hair/blue eyes - whatever) their wants/desires in their ideal mate is no more shallow than yours.

Since you are still in the closet, I think your desire for a straight acting man may feel safer as you know you can be in public with him and its not obvious he is gay, thus not obvious you are gay.

Perhaps if you were a bit more open and out of the closet your comfort levels with his 'obvious gayness' would be less of a 'thing' for you.

I bet your constantly checking yourself wondering if you just said or did something to signal to the world 'I'm queer'. If so, then that is what is most likely the real problem.

[ThatRobGuy]

Before I started dating guys, the slightest bit of femininity would turn me off and make me roll my eyes thinking "quit acting like such a woman!"

However, to be honest, I think you will find that more gay guys than not have effeminate voices and/or gestures (to varying degrees) and it's something that you will probably eventually just accept or not really notice. There are "straight" gay guys out there like you and me, but they are few and far between and I would bet that, if you're being honest with yourself, there is probably some kind of effeminate behavior you have.

It is disappointing though when you meet someone from the Internet and you have this image of how they act or talk in your mind and it ends up being wrong.

[outthecloset]

Thanks for all of your input

Bowyn Aerrow, wow! You took the words out of my mouth. What you said to a T is basically what is going on. I agree that part of my problem is worrying about what people think or will think. It won't be long before I am out the closet and then hopefully things will come easier and make more sense. Thanks guys!

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Well I did read your other threads.

Seems to me you are at the 'coming out stage' and are really trying to figure out a lot of things that relate to 'Who I am as a Gay Male.'

I think most of us have been there, did that - some for months, some for years.

I want to stress that the things you are going through are perfectly normal and acutely human of you.

You will find your own level as time goes by.

Please try to not stress out too much, oh and breathe - we tend to forget to do that when we need too the most. :biggrin:

Thanks for all of your input

Bowyn Aerrow, wow! You took the words out of my mouth. What you said to a T is basically what is going on. I agree that part of my problem is worrying about what people think or will think. It won't be long before I am out the closet and then hopefully things will come easier and make more sense. Thanks guys!

[bluefox4000]

I have Limp wrists but that's because of my CP. I don't have a fem voice either. I'm friends with plenty of fem guy.s...some straight actually. Do they attract me? No. but nothing against them at all.

Mick

[SolemnBoy]

I don't really have any stereotypical gay traits as far as I know o: