The "Gay community" is SAD.

[Pix]

I'm 19 almost 20

It's not so different among the hets. There, it's all about looks, the women have especially got to be careful of that, spending large sums of money and effort to maintain appearances. While men get a break on this (to a point) they're expected to be more responsible, have money (nice car a bonus), be ambitious, and after working hard to make sure he can please women (which probably means spending at least as much money on her as she does herself while maintaining his own financial obligations) still have the energy to actually please her (take her dancing, on romantic vacations, even just sex). Looks, hot cars, and fashion become less important with maturity, however.

Alternately, some women prefer "exciting" men and hook up with real losers (the worst being guys "like Edward" from Twilight). Fun illustration:




But then women also have to deal with the "nice guys" who aren't nice at all but manipulative whiners with a hidden price tag for everything and believes because he treats her with basic courtesy that she's obligated to be his lover. This is also much worse and more prevalent in the 20s-something crowd and younger.

And at age 20, hets have that same cliquishness and attitude as well. I recall being rejected by so many people because I wasn't "real" enough for them. For example, I hung with goths & ravers (among other cliques) when I was 20, and despite dressing & acting appropriately with whichever subculture I was interacting with I experienced a lot of attitude for mixing with the other and shunned by many (that's ok, I got used to being shunned in school). But as people in these subcultures matured they cared a lot less about who "belonged" or not.

And as for your last point, that's also present. Men have something they can call "the boy code" (I've heard other names for it, and some lived by it without being aware there was a name for it) in which men have to be men, or they're lesser ("pussy" and "gay" are common insults for such men, who may even face violence for it as well as rejection by many women). Whereas looks are all important for a woman (doesn't matter how successful she is, she will always be judged by her looks first, even by other women), for men this is the big one they must endure. And it's much worse in the 25 & younger crowd. ETA: here's a humorous vid on the boy code in action:




But just as looks do matter a little for men, gender roles do get enforced with females as well (just to a much lighter degree). Since I already gave one "amusing illustration" here's another, one that plenty of girls can relate to and it reminded me so much of something that happened to me when I was 15 (though what happened to me was more R and ultimately X-rated than this):




Just in case you're wondering why I'm sharing this it's because this isn't a "gay community" thing, this is a HUMAN thing (especially at your age, and those older who insist on mixing with your age), and generally speaking they're as plagued by this crap, too (as far as I can see the vast majority of differences between gay & straight dating scenes are purely cosmetic or as a logical result of bonding with one's gender such as men being much more accepting of casual sex and women nesting together much faster than advisable). And with that in mind the good news is as you get older this will change, and my observations match that, both het & gay gain maturity with age (at least enough of them do). Unfortunately for you the serious ones who are more mature (and not just looking for someone disposable to use and forget) aren't likely to be interested in dating you for multiple reasons, one of them being they remember just how shallow people tend to be at your age ('cause they were themselves), and the older mixing with your age group likely hasn't matured himself (otherwise he'd be with the other grown ups).

So I'm afraid patience is required, just try to enjoy the ride and see things with a sense of humor until then (and it's not like you can't have meaningful relationships at your age, or even meet "the One," it's just unlikely and you'll save yourself a lot of frustration by recognizing that).

[Undreamt]

Ironically its freedom that allows that to happen. It is a little confronting and it does bring out the best and the worst in people.

But the straight world is the same they just hide it better. Less in your face more backstabbing.

[ABC123XYZ]

Hello Bakalove,
You are right that happens with all people and communities.