lately I've been particularly drawn to men. I've been really down lately, I haven't told my parents. I know they won't take it well, everytime I think about it trying to talk myself into it just depresses me. I don't know how to stop this. how to tell them.
see I told them once when I was 17 they just wouldn't have it. the yelled at me, and told me that there was no way, that I could ever be gay. I just don't know what to do.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
•
you need to accept that you won't be able to share some things with you parents.
If you were used to share your life with them and you have nice relationship otherwise, it can be difficult. I know for me it is.
Accept that some things are just your matter, not theirs, their opinion won't change you. They have had influenced a lot of things in your life, and it's okay, it's their "job" 
They will remain your parents and you can have a loving relationship with them even if you won't tell them.
•
establish a deep love for your self first, than your ready.
•
Nick9 Wrote:you need to accept that you won't be able to share some things with you parents.
If you were used to share your life with them and you have nice relationship otherwise, it can be difficult. I know for me it is.
Accept that some things are just your matter, not theirs, their opinion won't change you. They have had influenced a lot of things in your life, and it's okay, it's their "job"
They will remain your parents and you can have a loving relationship with them even if you won't tell them.
I just feel like I'm letting them down. I hate feeling this way, there's nothing I can do but they will not accept that. I can't fake it anymore. everytime I think about dating a guy, this stops me.
I wish I could just not care, I don't know how.
•
pellaz Wrote:establish a deep love for your self first, than our ready.
this is the catch, every time I try to love myself. I know I can't because I will be a disappointment.
how do you change that?
•
I think you always felt like you were part of the family in the way that all members of the family were "one"
Try to accept that family means several different individuals. Sure, they are connect, but they don't need to think, like, love, agree, don't like in the same way. And they STILL will be a functional family.
For some partners it is unthinkable that they would go on a vacation separately. Say, one partner to a seaside, the other into a city (etc). They (or just one of them) feel bad, because they are not able to accept that even though they don't like the same thing and won't spend the vacation together, they can still be a loving couple.
So, many times one of them either goes where the other ones wants or they both sit at home, unhappy.
You are not letting them down. If you wanted to be not nice, you could say THEY are letting me down, by not accepting the fact.
You can't live your life just to please your parents. 
•
Nick9 Wrote:I think you always felt like you were part of the family in the way that all members of the family were "one"
Try to accept that family means several different individuals. Sure, they are connect, but they don't need to think, like, love, agree, don't like in the same way. And they STILL will be a functional family.
For some partners it is unthinkable that they would go on a vacation separately. Say, one partner to a seaside, the other into a city (etc). They (or just one of them) feel bad, because they are not able to accept that even though they don't like the same thing and won't spend the vacation together, they can still be a loving couple.
So, many times one of them either goes where the other ones wants or they both sit at home, unhappy.
You are not letting them down. If you wanted to be not nice, you could say THEY are letting me down, by not accepting the fact.
You can't live your life just to please your parents.
it's not that I'm trying to live my life to please my parents, it's just that I don't want them to see about me what they say about my gay sister. I don't want to be thought of that way.
maybe I'm being too sensitive
•
hank Wrote:I just feel like I'm letting them down. I hate feeling this way, there's nothing I can do but they will not accept that. I can't fake it anymore. everytime I think about dating a guy, this stops me.
I wish I could just not care, I don't know how.
It's not your job to make them proud, sure they raised you from a child but you don't owe them by practically denouncing who you are around them. Your choices need to be for you and not for them.
The longer you fake it the bigger the problem is going to get within your own head, you've effectively allowed your parents to dictate that you can't date a guy because of their views.
In my view the only person that matters in all of this is you, do you really want to cause yourself years of hurt because someone else (be it family or anyone else) doesn't like that you're attracted to guys?
•
Just about to post what has been said, lol. Anyway....you have to start standing on your own feet. If you're parents can't accept you through and through that's THEY'RE problem....Sounds like you have support from your sister....so go and live.
Mick
•
hank Wrote:I just feel like I'm letting them down. I hate feeling this way, there's nothing I can do but they will not accept that. I can't fake it anymore. everytime I think about dating a guy, this stops me.
I wish I could just not care, I don't know how.
My parents found out when I was around 13-14 years old by raiding my bedroom. They were devastated. My father refused to speak to me for weeks.
The last thing that I would like to do is to hurt my parents. So I dropped down to my knees in front of my mother and pleaded for forgiveness. I told her that I would repent.
I tried to fix myself for a few years. Tried to be straight as much as possible. I tried to like female, sexually.
But who am I kidding? I was born to be myself and not someone else.
My parents think I am straight now. They thought my 'sexuality mix up' was just a teenage phase.
I did my part to tell them that I am gay and they responded negatively. It's their choice and I cannot change that. It is also my choice to make myself happy and to be true to myself. I don't want to change myself for the sake of everyone's happiness. It wouldn't be fair for me to suffer for them.
I love my parents dearly. I probably have to re-announce my sexuality to them in the future. They most probably would be unhappy by it. They probably disown me. But I have to keep on walking even without their blessing.
Life is not meant to be easy.
•
|
Feeling bad about my sexuality
