What kind of person would you refuse to befriend?

[SolemnBoy]

Okay, so I've heard lots of people talk about what kind of person they'd never be friends with. I'm not talking about traits like "mean" etc. but more like personal opinions or lifestyles they don't approve of. Back in primary school most people said they'd never be friends with a homosexual (although most of them still talk to me/visit me every now and then even though I'm out of the closet...)

In my current class there's a boy who claims he'd never be friends with a communist which always struck me as kind of odd. Are you starting to get what I mean?

As for me, I consider myself to be an extremely open person. There's probably NO kind of sexuality/paraphilia that would put me off in a friendship (paedophilia, necrophilia etc. included) as long as the person kept it under control. Politically, it's more or less the same. Granted, I might not be very comfortable hanging out with some socialdarwinist but eh... Okay no socialdarwinists. As for general racists I'm kind of torn. I've met lots of people who weren't really bad but whose family matters/general environment created some racist views within them. It's very stupid not to be able to think for yourself but I was always kind of forgiving with that. I don't think I'd ever get closely acquainted with someone like that but as an average, "we meet sometimes i guess" kind of friend, sure, why not.

What about everyone else?

[Hayden]

I found myself in a situation in which I watched my friend (let's call him John) slowly devolve into a racisty redneck. We went to high school together and knew of each other, but we never hung out. At the time he was really into punk music and hung out with the punk/goth clique. I was part of a one man clique and far too intimidated by that group for us to be friends at the time. But through a series of events we became close friends after we graduated and started a band together that played for about a year. It was, to date, the funnest period of my life.

His dad (we'll go with Paul) was really involved with the band. Paul was a "wannabe" rock guitar musician who had just divorced his wife (my friend's mother), and basically wanted to relive his glory days through his son. It was kind of nice because we got access to a lot of equipment and help, but in every other way, Paul was just an asshole; a racist, homophobic (I wasn't out), booze-guzzlin', gun totin' good ol' boy. John would always tell me then how much his dad and his views irritated him at the time. However, I could slowly see how Paul's influence on John was beginning to take shape as John began to enjoy his father's new found interest in his son.

Long boring story short, the band dissolved, and John and I hadn't seen each other in few years. We met up a few months ago for coffee, but our initially joyful meeting somehow turned into a serious fight as we started to talk about things like welfare and healthcare and the like. Basically, I made up my mind that I couldn't re-persue our friendship after John told me "why the fuck should I have to pay for someone's sickle-cell anemia medication?" I was speechless.

Paul's influence had obviously taken its toll on my once radical punk, compassionate, and level-headed friend. There were other reasons we didn't get along anymore. People just change sometimes. I knew we wouldn't be able to see each other again without fighting, it got a bit personal too.

I don't consider myself someone with standards for friendship, as if I have a checklist of qualifications for someone to be my friend (I don't think I'm that arrogant), but it was all just too much and it prevented me from enjoying his company anymore, and I'm sure it worked both ways.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I have many associates and few friends. I understand keenly the difference between acquaintance and friend. I have maybe 6 friends in the whole world. I have thousands of acquaintances.

I will draw few lines, such as I don't hang with racists/bigots who are overtly so. Sorry Fred Phelps but your a bit out there for my tastes .

I have found that those types the conversation is always drawn to their petty hatred and frankly I don't want to hear a person's opinion of a whole group of people based on their skewed sense of reality.

No doubt I have hung with racists and just didn't realize how racist they were because they kept their opinions to themselves and didn't wear white sheets and lynch people or start crosses on fire.

I'm pretty tolerant and will keep my views to myself. You will never hear me telling people that because they eat shell fish and pork they are going to hell. I just know that as fact and have decided if they want to go to hell via their belly that is on them. It is a life choice, no one is born to eat pork and shell fish :tongue:.

I assume all my friends have pretty much take on tolerance as myself. As for sexuality, religion, culture, race, etc I have a mixed bag of friends in that department.

I am careful not to air my personal opinions about religion and politics with pretty much everyone. I know these are my opinions and everyone has their own. As long as people aren't forcing theirs down my throat I'm pretty much ok with them.

I have not set about purposefully excluding people based on anything other then their behaviors. I will not hang around a person who is constantly spouting off their views on 'those people'. I will not hang around liars, thieves and the like.

I will distance myself from active drug users and drunks. This is purely self serving in that I know I can readily return to a life of booze and drugs if put in the rights 'dangerous' situations.

[Hayden]

I will distance myself from active drug users and drunks.

Ughhh. This.

I involve myself with drunks and drug addicts because if I didn't, I'd no relationship with either of my siblings. I have a large amount of compassion and empathy for addicts. I know that the substances replaces something that is sorely and desperately missing in their lives. I also have a lot of respect for those who can put it down, like Batman climbing out of that stupid hole (no ropes, bitch!). But there is little more depressing and heart wrenching than realizing mid conversation that the person you're talking to really isn't there. It's like talking to a husk.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Ughhh. This.

I involve myself with drunks and drug addicts because if I didn't, I'd no relationship with either of my siblings. I have a large amount of compassion and empathy for addicts. I know that the substances replaces something that is sorely and desperately missing in their lives. I also have a lot of respect for those who can put it down, like Batman climbing out of that stupid hole (no ropes, bitch!). But there is little more depressing and heart wrenching than realizing mid conversation that the person you're talking to really isn't there. It's like talking to a husk.

Put it back in context:
I will distance myself from active drug users and drunks. This is purely self serving in that I know I can readily return to a life of booze and drugs if put in the rights 'dangerous' situations.

I am an addict/drunk. For me I know if I am around alcohol and drugs (especially meth) I put myself at risk.

Sure I got 19-20 years clean and sober.. but I know that if I'm around it I crave it, if I crave it its real easy for me to use.

[SolemnBoy]

I just know that as fact

Okay, this wasn't really part of the discussion, I'd just like to kindly point out that it's impossible to know something like that "as a fact".

[Hayden]

@BowynAerrow

I understood what you meant. I wasn't trying to twist your words around. I guess I see what you mean though. It looks like:

YOU: I don't hang around drunks/addicts because it's dangerous for me.

ME: I know, right? I mean, fuck those guys!

YOU: What? I didn't say that. Read what I said, dumbass (I'm adding some flavor)

ME: I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way, even though that's exactly what I said. Here, let me explain:

And then the whole thing starts all over!

[pellaz]

if someone admitted their fault up front;
4example said they are a habitual liar I could not hold that against them. I would could still be their friend but just choose not to support their bad. Even if they did not admit to it but rather just didnt try to hide it i still would not mind.

maybe he she would be telling the truth?

[Nick9]

In my current class there's a boy who claims he'd never be friends with a communist which always struck me as kind of odd. Are you starting to get what I mean?

I would have a BIG problem with that too. Communists had been doing terrible things in my country for a very long time. In my eyes, their supporter is either ignoring the fact or approves it.

I might not be very comfortable hanging out with some socialdarwinist but eh... Okay no socialdarwinists.

Who are the socialdarwinists? :biggrin:

[SolemnBoy]

I would have a BIG problem with that too. Communists had been doing terrible things in my country for a very long time. In my eyes, their supporter is either ignoring the fact or approves it.


Who are the socialdarwinists? :biggrin:

I can understand that you think like that and yes communism has caused loads of terrible things throughout history. However, it's not EVIL in and of itself, people have just been bad at implementing it practically. Yeah, I'm not a big fan of communism either, but I don't believe a person should be judged for having communist opinions.

Wikipedia can probably explain it better but basically socialdarwinism looks at humans from an "evolutional" viewpoint; some races are weaker than others and therefore doomed to either die out or to submit themselves to stronger races. It's a really repulsive way of thinking :/