Is it just me. Forever alone

[posterpicture]

I have never been in a relationship regardless I want one so bad.
Also, something happened yesterday made me wonder why? Is it just me or everyone else goes through same shit.

I am 21, well educated, have a bright future career ahead. I can see myself as an attractive guys, going to the gym 3-4 times a week and have new guys call me cute at least one time every 2 weeks. I am not a nasty or bitchy kind of gay guy at all. Indeed, I am a nice guy and very sociable. I replied to grindr msgs of guys that I am not even interested ( in a friendly way, but not to hurt their feelings). When I date people, I am faithful enough to not hurt them on their back but still give them their spaces. I understand what it takes for a relationship to work.

BUT, I have never successful at dating. To be exact, I have never been able to date anyone more than 3 months. And generally, I am the one who got dumped.

The reason for this rant was: about my last night date.
I went on a date with a guy I have been talking to for a week on grindr. We met at a really nice restaurant, had good conversation with some deep topics. He took the bill ( which was not cheap at all ) so I guess he enjoyed the time. Then he asked to go play pool with him. It was early so we had the whole place for ourself. ( you can think of a scene in a movie) and had a great time. Then we went back to his room, made love.
Then we went to a private swimming pool and only 2 of us there. It was nice and romantic. And we ended up cuddling sleeping together the whole night.

We woke up, had more fun. He even gave me goodbye kiss.

But I felt something odd. I waited the whole day for him to text me but he didn't. And When I texted him, he replied with a long message.
Basically, his ex ( who was in a 5 years long relationship with him then ran off with some other guys last november ) called my guy and wanted him back.
My guy couldn't handle that and starting a new love interest with me. So here gone my perfect guy and the perfect date.

And things like that do not only happen to me once.
I felt a little bit fucked up and started thinking. Maybe, it 's me the problem not because shits happen every time. I have so much to offer but maybe something is wrong about me.
I felt really depress right now so I just want to write to share my thought.

[James]

Always good to share, kinda lightens the load, been my experiance that many out there really don't want to give up what they perceive they had. So any little excuse or their ex calling saying they want to come back is more than enough for them to high tail it back whether or not their going back would change anything in their relationship which probably will fail again, Jim

[Lycanthropist]

It's not just you. I've heard that story time after time. "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm getting back together with my ex again. Good luck!"

It really sucks, and I try not to be a bitter jaded old queen, but people have made me this way. Since you are still young, you'll have many opportunities to meet many more people.

Good luck in your future. Unfortunately, I have no advice to give you that would be helpful. Just wanted you to know you're not the only one this has happened to.

[quixote87]

I don't know if this is always the case, with where you find guys, but personally I think it's not a good idea to try and find a good guy on Grindr. Certainly their on there but from what I experienced most guys on there just want a quick hook up or flash pan romance. I know it's old school but having sex the first date isn't always the best either. As gay men we have to remember we deal with a highly sexually motivated gender that can pull a 180 really quick after getting in bed with someone. That's why mothers tell their daughters to not give it up on the first date and make men work for it. LoL
That's just what I have from this one experience but it's good you got it out because I know it does a mind good to put out frustrations in writing.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Im going to be blunt here.

My experience is that 99% of the guys on these social apps, are on there for one thing, and its not to find a long term love interest. Not everyone for sure, but with such a high %, the odds are really stacked against you.

Maybe your looking in the wrong places.

Just a thought

ObW
X

[Undreamt]

Yeah, It sounds like you got exactly what grindr is designed for.

[SolemnBoy]

Hello!

First of all, most people start feeling depressed and searching for flaws within themselves once they've realized they have yet to find a good relationship. So in other words; no, it's not just you.

However, isn't grindr a place for hook-ups rather than romantic interest? Maybe it's not officially but it does seem like a place where most people just want the sex. I don't think it's a good place for you to find a relationship :/

[azulai]

You sound a bit naive. Even though you talked with that guy for a week and he took you out, then told you a "story" excuse about getting back with his ex--- honestly it all sounds like a one-nighter where he was playing on the side while his bf was out of town. Him paying for the expensive date just reinforces my gut here. You say you went back to his room, but the whole thing doesn't sound like he's in college but older. The whole private swimming pool thing, sounds more like you got played. I just am really surprised a guy around our age can afford an expensive dinner for a first date? Just from talking to you from grindr?

As far as advice, I'm listing this for your personal reflection NOT to answer me back on a public board. Just some thoughts from reading your post.

1. Examine your past patterns. Do they always start with hookups? Do you always have sex on the first date/meetup? Maybe you rush things? Sex isn't a commitment, and you may say 'I know that' but you seem to verbalize an internal need to the contrary.

2. What are you looking for in another person? Are you trying to find someone, anyone? Do you mold yourself to what your date likes? Not really putting a true self out there? How was this guy so perfect? You might be trying too hard to connect. Is it all about dating/looking for a relationship? Are you coming across as too desperate? Too quick to fall for someone?

3. What are your hobbies, interests, etc. ?What do you do to share yourself with others, do you do any kind of volunteer work?

[golias]

It sounds like only an one night stand to both you and him.If you really want a serious long term relationship you'd better be patient and date at least for some time before you take your pants off.
Please reject those horny guys.

[posterpicture]

You sound a bit naive. Even though you talked with that guy for a week and he took you out, then told you a "story" excuse about getting back with his ex--- honestly it all sounds like a one-nighter where he was playing on the side while his bf was out of town. Him paying for the expensive date just reinforces my gut here. You say you went back to his room, but the whole thing doesn't sound like he's in college but older. The whole private swimming pool thing, sounds more like you got played. I just am really surprised a guy around our age can afford an expensive dinner for a first date? Just from talking to you from grindr?

As far as advice, I'm listing this for your personal reflection NOT to answer me back on a public board. Just some thoughts from reading your post.

1. Examine your past patterns. Do they always start with hookups? Do you always have sex on the first date/meetup? Maybe you rush things? Sex isn't a commitment, and you may say 'I know that' but you seem to verbalize an internal need to the contrary.

2. What are you looking for in another person? Are you trying to find someone, anyone? Do you mold yourself to what your date likes? Not really putting a true self out there? How was this guy so perfect? You might be trying too hard to connect. Is it all about dating/looking for a relationship? Are you coming across as too desperate? Too quick to fall for someone?

3. What are your hobbies, interests, etc. ?What do you do to share yourself with others, do you do any kind of volunteer work?

No, I trusted him. He was open to me about his ex situation in the beginning of the dinner. He apologized for being distracted. And he is not that much older than me. Only 4 years. It 's like nothing as I always think older than my age. He could afford all of the expensive things because he is the founder of a successful IT firm in the blooming time of start up IT and social network firm ( I wouldn't name which one ). But he seems doesn't care much about money. And everything was more spontaneous rather than set up. He even told me, he never has sex on first date. I initiate it indeed.
I just want to answer some of your questions though so you can have better insight about the story.

1. My past patterns, they do not really always start with hooking up. But I admit sex plays a big role as for people around my age, the hormone is raising and it 's hard to resist.

2. I am looking for a whole package. I am not ignorant but I know what I deserve ( and what everyone else should deserve too ). I do set some standards (for example: I say no to slob, obesity, drug addict...) but there is nothing ultimate. And I am defiantly not looking for anyone. I have got to the point that I lost faith in relationship and dating actually. I am not looking at all. The date was a surprise question that I didn't expect. I have been there done that so I am comfortable with meeting new people and first dates and stuff. This guy is so perfect because 1) he have good qualities (cute, smart, successful, young, honest ...) 2) I felt good being around him 3) knowing him would boost my career and expand my professional network

3. I am sociable and unsociable at the same time. I involved in many things. Know good amount of acquaintances, but I don't have much real friends.

Many of you suggest to not use Grindr and try something more mainstream. But I am not sure where else I can meet guys besides Grindr? I live in a southern city where the only gay bar is also a club. Impossible to hold a conversation in the loud music. GLBT organizations here are dominated by lesbians and extremist gays which I am not a big fan of.
I think this is the era of social apps, it 's hard to avoid them though. If you know any other way, please give me some advices.