Changing my "forever alone" mentality.

[livingproof]

A few days ago, I saw an interesting video on youtube that I resonated with. The guy in the film shed light on a possible reason that people (especially lgbt people), are alone. For me, I believe it is the problem. It is that I exude this "Forever Alone" mentality. I seek attention in the wrong way. I, like many, put on the "pity me" mask in order to get love. But this type of love is short lived and inadequate. Coming back to school (college) this semester, I have decided to drop this mentality, in order to find someone, boost my confidence, and help my self-esteem, not necessarily in that order.

Now that I'm back, I am ready to meet people and break this cycle, but I'm afraid that I'll slip into old habits of just sitting in my room doing nothing. What would you all suggest I do to combat this, and how should I go about meeting guys?

[MisterTinkles]

The problem is..........most of the younger generation thinks love is just around the corner. And when they dont find it waiting for them....the pity party starts.

You gotta grow up and know who you are before you can have anything to offer someone else.

You have to deal with your demons and discard your baggage before you can have any kind of meaningful relationship.

DONT look for love. Look for friends.

Somewhere down the line, friends make better romances than with guys you only have known for a couple of months.

Love does not happen overnight. It can take months, if not years.

Do not discard someone who is interested in you, based on looks. Get to know them first. You never know who you will fall in love with...or who will become your BFF.

[HumbleTangerine]

My bus leaves soon so I don't have anything of real value to say but congratulations on changing your mentality and stuff!

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I have no idea where one goes to meet people. Clubs/Bars? Jeezzz. I understand that in some towns and cities they have LGBT Centers - I have no idea what goes on in those places... but people recommend them.

I met partners at work, at the social parties (private parties), at AA meeting (mind you have to be a drunk to be a member). Meeting at bars just doesn't seem to always work out well - does it?

I have meet many interesting people (LGBT and Straight) through hobbies. I did a hiking club for a few years and met lots of interesting individuals who introduced me to other individuals. There were are few potential mates in that, however I had no interest in mating at the time so never explored that.

Got a hobby that other people do? Something that can be done in face to face group sort of situations? Maybe meet people that way. The aim here is not to meet Mr. Right or your future ex, the idea here is to meet potential friends. Meeting a potential mate is 50% know who - perhaps you can meet a gal-pal (Fag-hag) who will take you to places to meet new people.

I know that having my gal-pal resulted in me doing a lot more social interaction bullshit. Things I normally wouldn't do - like go to a bar/club - alone I did more often with my support system dragging me along for the ride.

So perhaps you need a gal-pal to drag your happy arse to all of these social type functions?

[southbiochem]

College is probably the best place to socialize and meet people...

find activitites outside the classroom you might be interested in, and join..don't hesitate

if there's such a thing as an LGBT group, join, don't hesitate..

build yourself a net of friends you can rely on, who you can get things from and give back the same..

then, love will come and most likely when you least expect it

[East]

I have been happily partnered for 28 years now...no drama...never even said a bad word about the man I am with. I love him unconditionally and am very happy....

Meeting at a bar worked out just fine for me.

Attitude is everything though...and self pity is NOT a good way to attract anyone

[livingproof]

This is all great advice. Thank you!

[Evan88]

I agree...like what Tinkle said, look for friends, specifically gay friends.

They all gave great pieces of advice so i cant say much....

All i can add is: it is better not to have the "ideal guy" notion when looking for someone, because it will most probably turn out to be a different guy than what you expected.. Just embrace who comes with open arms.

[CellarDweller]

A few days ago, I saw an interesting video on youtube that I resonated with. The guy in the film shed light on a possible reason that people (especially lgbt people), are alone. For me, I believe it is the problem. It is that I exude this "Forever Alone" mentality. I seek attention in the wrong way. I, like many, put on the "pity me" mask in order to get love. But this type of love is short lived and inadequate. Coming back to school (college) this semester, I have decided to drop this mentality, in order to find someone, boost my confidence, and help my self-esteem, not necessarily in that order.

Now that I'm back, I am ready to meet people and break this cycle, but I'm afraid that I'll slip into old habits of just sitting in my room doing nothing. What would you all suggest I do to combat this, and how should I go about meeting guys?

Congrats on breaking through the negativity and looking to be positive.

If you are looking to meet people, what worked for me was searching on Google for activities I like to do, and putting 'gay' in front of them.

I searched for "Gay Bowling" and found an GLBT bowling league just 15 minutes from my home. I joined the beginning of the new season, and met a ton of great people. Even been on a few dates.