Hello from California. Lament follows...

[Islander]

Hello everyone.

I wish I could say that I've come here to make friends, but the sad truth is that I'm looking for support and encouragement. I've begun to despair that I will ever have a healthy relationship.

The thing is, I still don't understand my own sexual identity. I like women more than men in just about every respect. Compared with men, I'd much rather look at women, touch them, talk to them, and be intimate with them. Yet I can't perform sexually with women. All my sexual desires involve men. The only way I ever seem to get aroused is to imagine myself as a woman submitting to a man.

As a result, I don't have close relationships with either women or men. I tend to have a lot of female friends which I keep at a distance, and I satisfy my sexual cravings through casual encounters with men. I know this isn't healthy. When I was younger, I assumed that everything would work itself out eventually -- I would either develop a sexual appetite for women or start desiring intimacy with the men I have sex with. Nevertheless, neither has happened. Many years have passed, and things are worse than ever.

Has anyone else been through something like this? Does it even make sense?

Matt

[Counselor]

Welcome to the forum! Support and encouragement is what we do here!

Have you considered the possiblity that you might be transgender?

[Sport77]

Hello and

Life is rarely easy and tends to be fairly complicated as we are all unique individuals.

Within Gay Speak you will find many good people here willing to help you.

[Islander]

Have you considered the possiblity that you might be transgender?

Yes, I regard myself as transgender, up to a point. I don't have an effeminate personality, and I enjoy being a man most of the time. I can't think of myself as a woman trapped in a man's body -- that idea is just silly to me. Nevertheless, I do have a deep, passionate, secret longing to be a woman. And when it comes to sex, my male identity abandons me and this transgender impulse takes over. It is very frustrating.

[Rainbowmum]

Hello and welcome to GaySpeak.
You have come to the right place for support.

A lot of what you are wrestling with is self acceptance , once you accept yourself 100% ,most of the battle is won.